Biodog1t I’ve seen three episodes of THE BIONIC WOMAN (including the lackluster pilot) and it’s obvious to me what the big problem with the show is: Nothing happens. I mean it. Nothing. The show is called THE BIONIC WOMAN, yet the heroine never does anything bionic…which, frankly, is the main reason why anybody would watch in the first place. The most she did in the last episode I saw was toss around a couple of bored stunt men in a nail salon (yeah, a nail salon) and wince real hard until her nose bled. That’s what passes for bionic action these days. I’d take Lindsay Wagner running in slow motion over that. Hell, I’d ever prefer to watch Maxmillion the Bionic Dog fetch a tennis ball. The new, improved, re-imagined Jaime Sommers spends the bulk of her time whining and sulking around, working out on the standing sets, and engaging in painfully forced, wanna-be GILMORE GIRLS repartee with her sister and her co-workers. It’s obvious that the producers desperately want THE BIONIC WOMAN to be a hip cross between LA FEMME NIKITA, GILMORE GIRLS and the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, but they are so busy trying to mimic the look, feel, and rhythm of those series that they’ve overlooked the most important element of any show, old, new or "re-imagined": A compelling story.

9 thoughts on “Nothing”

  1. I have given this show THREE chances. Each chance represents an episode I have watched and then turned off. I can’t get through this show. I agree, absolutely nothing happens.
    Now if the creators could have the Bionic Woman wake up one day and realize it was all a dream and in fact she was a normal woman in a world of bionic people (and the dream was just her dream of being normal like everyone else), then maybe I’d watch a fourth time.

  2. My hope, with the start of each new TV season, is that the old virtues of solid plotting, dialogue serving a function beyond mere glibness, self-contained, single story-lines (as opposed to subplots out the ass), and the focus on a SINGLE LEAD CHARACTER will somehow, incredibly, find themselve back in fashion again, but they never do.
    The vogue now is for multiple characters (with seven heads in pin formation staring at you from the one-sheet), multiple subplots, “angsty” posturing, and an overarching “meta story” that never friggin’ ends. Christ.
    It was a trap that this latest BIONIC WOMAN, for all of her amazing superpowers, could not avoid falling into.

  3. I have a personal plan to save floundering shows like the Bionic Woman: During the writers’ strike, I will work as an undercover scab (using a pseudonym, of course) and fix all the crappy do-nothing scripts in pre-production. I will also add a few scenes to send secret messages to everyone on the strike line about solidarity and the absurdity of putting tv executives in charge of content, etc. Additionally, I am planning to make friends with many starving writers by “accidentally” leaving the back door to the commissary kitchen wide open. Hollywood is a mere twelve hour drive from my house, so I’ll be there by morning….

  4. Any thoughts on whether this is a result of too many cooks (Laeta Kalogridis, Jason Smilovic, Glen Morgan, Jason Katims) or a bad executive chef (David Eick)?
    I’d still like to hear your thoughts on Women’s Murder Club, BTW.

  5. The EP/showrunner is ultimately responsible for the show — and that would be David Eick. That said, there has been a staff shake-up so perhaps Eick, the studio and the network are aware that THE BIONIC WOMAN already needs a reboot.
    What’s surprising to me is that Smilovic and Katims are excellent writers who have done great work in the past…and BIONIC WOMAN doesn’t resemble any of it.

  6. I start my evening by watching Pushing Daisies. Following that up with Bionic Woman is an study in contrast. I agree, the stories are incredibly slow. I might keep watching since my roommate likes it. But it’s near the top of my list to stop watching if it doesn’t improve soon.

  7. I think you missed the most obvious wannabe influence of Bionic Woman…ALIAS. The problem here is that they are going with this whole reluctant spy story which has gotten old real fast. If they wanted to make her a reluctant heroine they would have been better off doing this more like the Bourne Identity, where she’s on the run and is discovering all these new abilities, helping people she meets as a fugitive but needing to keep a low profile. Like the old Bill Bixby Incredible Hulk’s.


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