I just stumbled on this old Las Vegas Mercury column my brother Tod wrote about the time I dragged him and my sister Linda to a science fiction convention in a horribly misguided attempt to sell copies of my book .357 VIGILANTE. A lot of his column is, um, fictionalized…but it doesn’t matter because it’s very funny:
"It takes place in a futuristic L.A.," I said to the man in the "V" uniform who’d stopped to handle the book.
"Yeah? Are there aliens?"
"Only illegal ones," I said. When I was 14, I thought this was a pretty funny thing to say.
"I only read books with real aliens in them," he said, setting the book down.
"You’re an idiot," my sister said from behind her magazine. It was the first time Linda had spoken for at least an hour.
"Pardon me?" the man said.
"You said you only read books with `real aliens’ in them and I said that you’re an idiot," Linda said, still not looking up.
"You’re very rude," he said.
"’V’ was canceled," Linda said, "just FYI."
He forgot to mention in the column that both he and Linda contracted chicken pox at the convention. I came out unscathed. My brother and sister, sadly, were emotionally scarred for life.
“I only read books with real aliens in them.” Funny.
So that explains it…
for the rest of your life, you should be willing to accept your sister’s collect calls at 4 a.m., send flowers on her birthday, and bail her out of jail and/or provide alibis, as long as the crime doesn’t involve harm to children or pets, just on the basis of that smackdown on Mr. V for vacuous.
robert
Let me state for the record here that not only is all of this true — as backed up by Ms. Linda Woods as well — but that it was actually far, far worse than that, irrespective of the chicken pox but inclusive — far, far inclusive — of many more people wearing V costumes. I stand by my story, which, I should note in case Cathy Young comes by, I wrote for the money and for the possibility I might embarrass my brother.
You forgot about the Boogaloos guy with the Coke-bottle glasses. And I sincerely doubt I was on a panel discussion about interviewing Harlan Ellison. The topic was probably something far more serious…like “Fan Bigotry” (by that I mean the intolerance shown by STAR TREK fans towards SPACE 1999 fans).
Lee,
Were you siblings scarred from getting chicken pox, or from being exposed to a SF con?
I agree with Tod, the entire experience was way worse than what little snippet indicates. The mere thought of it makes me dizzy. And itchy. Very itchy.
Julia, the scars from the exposure to the convention are worse than the scars from the pox.