I’ve seen three episodes of THE BIONIC WOMAN (including the lackluster pilot) and it’s obvious to me what the big problem with the show is: Nothing happens. I mean it. Nothing. The show is called THE BIONIC WOMAN, yet the heroine never does anything bionic…which, frankly, is the main reason why anybody would watch in the first place. The most she did in the last episode I saw was toss around a couple of bored stunt men in a nail salon (yeah, a nail salon) and wince real hard until her nose bled. That’s what passes for bionic action these days. I’d take Lindsay Wagner running in slow motion over that. Hell, I’d ever prefer to watch Maxmillion the Bionic Dog fetch a tennis ball. The new, improved, re-imagined Jaime Sommers spends the bulk of her time whining and sulking around, working out on the standing sets, and engaging in painfully forced, wanna-be GILMORE GIRLS repartee with her sister and her co-workers. It’s obvious that the producers desperately want THE BIONIC WOMAN to be a hip cross between LA FEMME NIKITA, GILMORE GIRLS and the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, but they are so busy trying to mimic the look, feel, and rhythm of those series that they’ve overlooked the most important element of any show, old, new or "re-imagined": A compelling story.