Month: September 2005

Here’s a story of a man named Brady

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I make the mistake of joking about  Partridge Family slash fanfic and what happens? My brother Tod finds this:

"Greg. Greg Brady." Greg proffered his hand to be shaken and Keith [Partridge] held onto it a little too long.

"You’re touring with us, right?"

"Uh huh." Greg licked his lips and wondered why his pants suddenly felt so tight.

"We should be getting ready."

"Yeah." Greg shook himself out of his reverie and said, "You have nice hair."

"Thanks. So do you."

"Maybe we could–" Greg started tentatively.

Keith smiled slowly. "I know a place."

"We could get caught. I mean–" Greg’s cheeks flamed bright red and he ducked his head to avoid Keith’s probable scrutiny.

"Not if we hurry. Come on."

Keith knew where all the dark places to hide were. He had to. He had an
overprotective mother and more siblings than he could count.

“How Much Did You Pay To Get Published?”

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Author Susan McBride posted her "Slightly Sarcastic Rules for Writers," a must-read for all aspiring novelists, on Lipstick Chronicles today. Among the questions she tackles are: "How Much Did You Pay To Get Published?" "What Font Should I Use?" "How Many Pages Should My Manuscript Be?" and "How Much Did You Pay Your Agent to Take You On?"

Every time I speak to groups of aspiring writers (I spoke last night to the Ventura County Writers Club), the first piece of advice I give them is not to pay to have their book published, that it’s a complete waste of money and is not a necessary step in becoming a professional writer. This always goes over badly — because half the room has either already self-published or just sent in their checks. They want to believe there’s a short-cut that gets them past all the scary hurdles of publishing…and they don’t want to discover that there isn’t.

Search Me

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I had a big day hit-wise at A Writers Life, so I was curious what people were searching for that brought them here. There were an extraordinary number of people looking for details about Andi McDowell’s breasts, Hunter Tylo’s plastic surgery, Steve Erhardt, Lindsay Lohan’s breasts, and information on Temperance Brennan, the hero of the new series BONES. Here were some of the other searches that brought people here:

"hair dresser Michael Jacks0n Los Angeles cleft chin same surgery"
"Alexander the Great fanfic"
"Obi Wan Kenobi sex"
"Nipples"
"Jeff Lindsay Dexter Literary Agent"
"How to Write a Treatment"
"Author Jan Goldberg" (that had to be my Mom googling herself)
"Tod Goldberg" (that had to be my brother doing his hourly self-google)
"JK Rowling is a plagerist"
"Another bullshit night in suck city + lousy"
"asshole + Lee Goldberg"
"How to sell my book"
"PublishAmerica"
"How to write a sex scene"
"Fanfic + Lee Goldberg"
"Janet Evanovich’s phone number"
"Lord of the Rings real cities on earth"
"mpreg stories"
"mpreg + Spock"
and my name + every science fiction show ever produced (is someone preparing a blog post about my views on sci fi TV?).

Where Do Ideas Come From?

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Novelist Joseph A. West, who writes the GUNSMOKE tie-ins among many others, shared this story with me about how he got the idea for his new book:

I’ve just started work on a fairly traditional western I’m calling CANTINA.
As you are aware, ideas for novels come in strange ways. [My wife] Emily and I were on the
New Mexico/Texas border and a busted muffler on the Wrangler forced us to stay
at a Bates motel in the middle of nowhere, run by an old German lady with 100
cats. She told us the only place to eat was a Mexican cantina a mile down the
road, and that’s where we ended up that night. The food was good, the beer
better, and as we were settling the bill, the owner said to me: "Hey, why don’t
you buy this place. I got two fat ladies in the kitchen and all you have to do
is sit back and rake in the money."
I refused Emilio’s kind offer, but I got to thinking…suppose a puncher
rides out of the blue hills with $500 in his jeans, money he’s saved from 10
hard years nursing cows. He stops in a cantina to eat and the owner says: "Hey,
why don’t you buy this place. I got two fat ladies in the kitchen
and…"      
My hero jumps at the chance and thinks his troubles are over…until
Mexican bandits, marauding Apaches and the three deadly Retzin brothers convince
him otherwise.
[My Editor] liked the idea, and now it’s a go. Thank heaven for very spooky old ladies with cats.

The Ultimate Fan Letter

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Gregg Hurwitz received a remarkable fan letter today. It began like this:

I have been reading your novel, "Minutes To Burn" for the last 10 days since the
hurricane destroyed my home and too many others here in Biloxi. I’m a physician
at the VA Hospital here, and have had to live in my office since Katrina hit in
order to be available for duty 24/7. I just wanted to say that I think reading
your novel helped keep me sane and in balance through this trial.

I couldn’t imagine a higher compliment than that.

What do Tie-In Writers Do?

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Ever wonder  how authors go about writing books using characters from movies, TV shows and games? Or how the business of tie-ins and novelizations works? Now you can find out.

The International Association of Media Tie-in Writers (IAMTW or I AM a Tie-in Writer) has updated their website to include interviews and articles that cover such topics as "how to write a tv tie-in" and the "how tie-in royalties are divvied up." Even if you aren’t interested in tie-in writing, you’ll learn some interesting things about the publishing business by checking out the articles.

The IAMTW website will be updated regularly with new article about  tie-in and novelizations. There’s also an online membership application for those interested in joining the organization, which was founded by yours truly and Max Allan Collins.