#1 New York Times Bestselling Author & TV Producer
Lee Goldberg 
There’s a Livejournal community dedicated solely to slash fiction about the
alternative music duo Insane Clown Posse. It’s about time.
(Thanks to Jeffrey Hitchin for the heads-up. I’m not gonna ask how he found it)
Author Susan McBride posted her "Slightly Sarcastic Rules for Writers," a must-read for all aspiring novelists, on Lipstick Chronicles today. Among the questions she tackles are: "How Much Did You Pay To Get Published?" "What Font Should I Use?" "How Many Pages Should My Manuscript Be?" and "How Much Did You Pay Your Agent to Take You On?"
Every time I speak to groups of aspiring writers (I spoke last night to the Ventura County Writers Club), the first piece of advice I give them is not to pay to have their book published, that it’s a complete waste of money and is not a necessary step in becoming a professional writer. This always goes over badly — because half the room has either already self-published or just sent in their checks. They want to believe there’s a short-cut that gets them past all the scary hurdles of publishing…and they don’t want to discover that there isn’t.
I had a big day hit-wise at A Writers Life, so I was curious what people were searching for that brought them here. There were an extraordinary number of people looking for details about Andi McDowell’s breasts, Hunter Tylo’s plastic surgery, Steve Erhardt, Lindsay Lohan’s breasts, and information on Temperance Brennan, the hero of the new series BONES. Here were some of the other searches that brought people here:
"hair dresser Michael Jacks0n Los Angeles cleft chin same surgery"
"Alexander the Great fanfic"
"Obi Wan Kenobi sex"
"Nipples"
"Jeff Lindsay Dexter Literary Agent"
"How to Write a Treatment"
"Author Jan Goldberg" (that had to be my Mom googling herself)
"Tod Goldberg" (that had to be my brother doing his hourly self-google)
"JK Rowling is a plagerist"
"Another bullshit night in suck city + lousy"
"asshole + Lee Goldberg"
"How to sell my book"
"PublishAmerica"
"How to write a sex scene"
"Fanfic + Lee Goldberg"
"Janet Evanovich’s phone number"
"Lord of the Rings real cities on earth"
"mpreg stories"
"mpreg + Spock"
and my name + every science fiction show ever produced (is someone preparing a blog post about my views on sci fi TV?).
TV Sh0ws On DVD reports that Universal is finally releasing the first season of THE ROCKFORD FILES on DVD on December 6th for $39.
In other DVD news, the complete series of THE NOWHERE MAN is coming out in December, too.
Novelist Joseph A. West, who writes the GUNSMOKE tie-ins among many others, shared this story with me about how he got the idea for his new book:
I’ve just started work on a fairly traditional western I’m calling CANTINA.
As you are aware, ideas for novels come in strange ways. [My wife] Emily and I were on the
New Mexico/Texas border and a busted muffler on the Wrangler forced us to stay
at a Bates motel in the middle of nowhere, run by an old German lady with 100
cats. She told us the only place to eat was a Mexican cantina a mile down the
road, and that’s where we ended up that night. The food was good, the beer
better, and as we were settling the bill, the owner said to me: "Hey, why don’t
you buy this place. I got two fat ladies in the kitchen and all you have to do
is sit back and rake in the money."I refused Emilio’s kind offer, but I got to thinking…suppose a puncher
rides out of the blue hills with $500 in his jeans, money he’s saved from 10
hard years nursing cows. He stops in a cantina to eat and the owner says: "Hey,
why don’t you buy this place. I got two fat ladies in the kitchen
and…"My hero jumps at the chance and thinks his troubles are over…until
Mexican bandits, marauding Apaches and the three deadly Retzin brothers convince
him otherwise.[My Editor] liked the idea, and now it’s a go. Thank heaven for very spooky old ladies with cats.
Gregg Hurwitz received a remarkable fan letter today. It began like this:
I have been reading your novel, "Minutes To Burn" for the last 10 days since the
hurricane destroyed my home and too many others here in Biloxi. I’m a physician
at the VA Hospital here, and have had to live in my office since Katrina hit in
order to be available for duty 24/7. I just wanted to say that I think reading
your novel helped keep me sane and in balance through this trial.
I couldn’t imagine a higher compliment than that.
Sarah Weinman and David J. Montgomery have posted an excellent guide on how to moderate a panel. The guide was prepared by Sarah, David, Barry Eisler, Jon Jordan, Robin Burcell and many others and should be required reading for all Bouchercon, Left Coast Crime, and Los Angeles Times Festival of Books moderators.
Ever wonder how authors go about writing books using characters from movies, TV shows and games? Or how the business of tie-ins and novelizations works? Now you can find out.
The International Association of Media Tie-in Writers (IAMTW or I AM a Tie-in Writer) has updated their website to include interviews and articles that cover such topics as "how to write a tv tie-in" and the "how tie-in royalties are divvied up." Even if you aren’t interested in tie-in writing, you’ll learn some interesting things about the publishing business by checking out the articles.
The IAMTW website will be updated regularly with new article about tie-in and novelizations. There’s also an online membership application for those interested in joining the organization, which was founded by yours truly and Max Allan Collins.
Over at Lipstick Chronicles, Harley Jane Kozak talks about her efforts to sell her award winning novel DATING DEAD MEN as a TV series:
Being
clueless, we did what any pair of neophytes would do: we bought a book.
“Writing Treatments That Sell, or, How to Create and Market Your
Story Ideas to the Motion Picture and TV Industry” is written by
Kenneth Atchity and Chi-Li Wong, who assure us that “success comes
through individual effort combined with access and luck . . . . ” Well,
hey. That’s got Wendy and Harley written all over it.
So flash forward a year. Yes, it took Wendy and me a year to write
the treatment—or bible, as Kenneth and Chi-Li tell us it’s called in
television. Put that way, it doesn’t sound so bad. How long do you
suppose King James spent on his bible? Anyhow, that brings us to this
week, the week that we began to Take Meetings.
Her first meeting ended up being with two producers she’d slept with. More than once. But not together. I hate it when that happens.
And over at my brother Tod’s blog, he patiently explains to one of Walter Scott’s readers why Tom Cruise dates Catholic girls.
Catholicism is the second most popular religion in America, with over
63 million guilty fuckers claiming to believe in that particular story
of God. 63 million people, E.B. Do you know what that means? That means
unless you live in Utah, you probably have just as close a connection
to that religion as Tom Cruise does, though you’re not terribly likely
to end up with your face buried in the cross that dangles in Penelope
Cruz’s cleavage, nor will you find yourself running your fingers
through Nicole Kidman’s hair in search of tangled rosaries nor can you
expect to find yourself sailing along Katie Holmes’ Dawson Creek. Why?
Because the connection Tom Cruise has to those women is that THEY ARE
BIG TIME FAMOUS ACTRESSES THAT, IN ADDITION, HAPPEN TO BE INCREDIBLY
HOT WHICH, BY NO COINCIDENCE, MR. CRUISE HAPPENS TO BE AS WELL.
Sarah and Candy, The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels, are at it again with another hilarious look at romance book covers. Here’s my favorite from today’s round-up, with Sarah’s comments.
Sarah: “Your face. I want your face.”
“Oh, Brett ba-Havar-nir-Tamir, I want you, too.”
“No, your face. I want your face. Give it to me.”
“My face? But it doesn’t come off!”
“Sure it does. Hold still.”