#1 New York Times Bestselling Author & TV Producer
Sarah and Candy, The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels, are at it again with another hilarious look at romance book covers. Here’s my favorite from today’s round-up, with Sarah’s comments.
Sarah: “Your face. I want your face.”
“Oh, Brett ba-Havar-nir-Tamir, I want you, too.”
“No, your face. I want your face. Give it to me.”
“My face? But it doesn’t come off!”
“Sure it does. Hold still.”
Author Charlie Huston says there’s no polite way to decline a drink if you want to remain welcome among professional writers at Bouchercon.
Worse fates there
are than to be asked repeatedly, “What are you drinking?” Indeed, for
that first day it was something of a fantasy come to life. Not only
were drinks being purchased for me, but they were being purchased by
people who had read my books, people who had read them and took
occasion from time to time to mumble a word of praise. As I drank deep,
my ego drank deeper.The only fault with the scenario being on the second day when I
realized I was supposed to repeat my performance as
sloshed-youngish-writer-with-an-attitude, found that I was in far over
my head, and tried to cry uncle.You’d think I had squatted in the middle of the carpet and shat upon it.
There is, I promise you, no gracious way to bow out of a round that
has been offered by a far more experienced writer than yourself who has
just told you he likes your work. If you ever have the good fortune to
stumble into this situation, humbly nod your head and repeat after me,
“Hell, yeah, I’ll have another fuckin’ Bud, just let me take a quick
puke in this potted palm here, HHrrrruuuuPPP, whew that’s better, now
where was I? Cheers!”
No offense to Charlie, but while that might be true with a certain clique, it’s certainly not true of mystery writers, or Bouchercon, as a whole. I’ve been going to Boucheron for years. I don’t drink. But that hasn’t stopped me from being welcomed in the bar or restaurant to hang out with "big name" authors more experienced and vastly more successful than I am (I don’t say that to brag, but to make a point). If I am offered a drink, I take a Diet Coke. No one has ever made me feel like a pariah.
I would hate for Bouchercon to be painted as a convention of puking-on-themselves drunks…though drinking certainly seems to be the big issue coming out of the Chicago fest.
As soon as author J.A. Konrath got back from Bouchercon, he began wondering if he drank too much and behaved like a jerk.
But I also heard many negative things about me, some of them from good friends.
Those include drinking too much and acting inappropriately, showing off, being
loud and obnoxious, trying too hard to be funny, and crossing the lines of good
taste.
His post brought him a lot of comments, prompting him to later write:
Why is it when I act like a loudmouth on a panel and drink too much that’s
grounds for excommunication from the mystery world, but when I work my butt off
and do some good, no one cares? Rhetorical question.I think that is all
that needs to be said.
Not me. I think too many writers drink at these events as much for pleasure as for a ridiculous desire to live up to an image. Some writers think that drinking to the edge of alcohol poisoning is what hard-ass mystery writers are supposed to do…and if you don’t, or can’t, you’re a fake.
That’s bullshit. It’s trying to live up to a cliche.
Writing is an art, but it’s also a profession. When you’re at Bouchercon, you’re there as an artist and a professional, mingling with authors, fans, publishers, editors and agents. Is it any wonder you’re judged by how you behave? Writing is a solitary profession. Most of the time, people can only judge you by your books. On those rare occasions when they can see you in person, you will be making a far bigger impact than you would if they saw you on a regular basis. If you’re an obnoxious drunk, that’s what people will remember about you.
I’m not saying Joe Konrath was obnoxious or a drunk — I wasn’t there. But I can understand why people are judging him on how he behaved (besides, in his post he invited them to).
I’m sure there was a lot more going on at Bouchercon than writers drinking and puking into their book bags. Besides, is that really the professional image we want to project to the public about mystery writers?
Authors Tess Gerritsen and Lynn Viehl both take us behind-the-scenes at bookstores today and tell us a little bit about how they work. It’s fascinating stuff and, as I can attest from personal experience, painfully accurate. Here’s a taste, first from Tess:
For those of you who aren’t in the pub business, you may not realize that the
front octagonal table in B&N is actually PAID display space. (Otherwise
known as paying for "co-op".) Publishers pay for that bit of real estate so that
their new titles can be seen. I don’t know how much it costs them. (If anyone
happens to know the answer to that, I’d love to hear from you privately!)
Ballantine paid for, and expected, VANISH to be displayed on B&N’s front
tables for its first week of sale, yet in up to 40% of B&N stores, my
readers found that the books were shelved at the back of the stores, with no
discount stickers.
Lynn knows why that happens. She’s been a bookseller and says that the "co-op books" are too much work.
From a bookseller’s perspective, shelving is always easier than displaying or
tabling. You can shove books on the store shelves aside to make room for new
arrivals. This opposed to removing last week’s books from the front table,
carting them, and reshelving or store-rooming them before you can haul out and
table the new books. Purchased-space books are double the work.If a purchased-space book shipment is late? Those books never touch a tabletop.
If the book is overshipped, a manager might get creative with stacking, but
generally they shove the excess copies back in the store room. Jackie Collins
does not want to know how many times a hundred copies of her novel sat showing
their pretty leopard-skin patterned book jackets to nothing more than the
employee coffee maker and concrete walls.
For an author, understanding the business of writing — publishing, promotion and sales — is as important as writing a good book if you want to succeed. Like Lynn, I also worked in a bookstore for a few years and the things I learned are still serving me well today.
Danny Bonaduce slit his wrists during the production of his new VH1 reality show. You’ll be tempted to do the same thing if you watch it. Brian Lowry at Variety says:
it’s hard to imagine a shower long enough to wash away the experience of simply
viewing the show, much less having produced, programmed or participated in
it.
I felt the same way about THE HIGHWAYMAN.
…that’s the question posed by an article in the Christian Science Monitor, which focuses a lot of its attention on Mark Sarvas’ blog The Elegant Variation.
Although no one’s exactly sure how influential they are, bloggers like Sarvas
have become the new darlings of the publishing industry. They’re getting free
review copies, landing interviews with prestigious authors, and trying to boost
obscure writers – especially writers in the literary fiction world where John
Irving is a bigger name than John Grisham. Still, plenty of sophisticated readers don’t know a blog from a podcast……In years past, literary discussions were largely limited to academia and the
occasional book club, says Sarvas of The Elegant Variation. "What the blogs have
really done is encourage inclusion, encourage people from all walks of life to
join the conversation."But is anyone listening? Many book bloggers seem to be talking only to
themselves, judging by the dearth of postings by outsiders on their sites. And
it’s hard to tell if bloggers’ mash notes translate into sales at Barnes &
Noble.
What do you think? Are blogs changing the way you pick the books you’re going to buy?
A while back, author Sandra Scoppettone blogged about how the back cover of her THIS DAME FOR HIRE galley promised booksellers all kinds of advertising and promotion to support the book… which never happened. Why? Because they were lies and publishers assume booksellers won’t notice. Her editor even copped to it:
He said he knows it’s a problem and he’s talked about it at meetings. Not
just my book, but the whole process. He’s even said, “Why can’t we be honest?”
I’m surprised he wasn’t fired for that.
I’m surprised they think booksellers are that stupid.
Paul Guyot is asking "Where does all the money go?" He’s done a little investigating into the costs of staging Bouchercon and he says the numbers just don’t add up. What happens to the cash that’s left over? Supposedly it goes to the organizers of the next Bouchercon. But does it really get passed along?
I’ve got all the James Bond movie posters, so I especially enjoyed Posterwire’s comments today about artist Robert McGinnis’ classic 007 artwork (he also designed the covers for Richard S. Prather’s Shell Scott novels, among many others). There’s a great book on James Bond movie posters, appropriately titled: The James Bond Movie Posters.
The Superficial has noticed Andie McDowell’s new breasts:
Remember when Andie MacDowell was in movies and famous? Yeah, me neither, but
sometime in between then and now she got breast implants, which makes about as
much sense as Arnold Schwarzenegger taking up weight lifting at the tender age
of 58 to compete in the next Mr. Olympia competition.
I’m sure you can relate to this story from WakingVixen. It happens to everybody eventually.
"After the London bombings and while I was in Amsterdam, I remember getting
word that as of late July, packages and bags were subject to search in certain
NYC subway stations. If you didn’t want to get searched, you best find other
transportation – or a subway station without bag-searching cops. Not a
particularly fool proof system.Yesterday, the bag search finally happened to me. As luck would have it, I
was carrying a bag full of dildos, butt plugs, lube, condoms, a strap on harness
and spiky high heels. I got pulled aside and the cop asked me to open my (black!
suspicious!) bag. I obliged, and the collection of silicone toys was right on
top, with a stiletto poking straight up in the air. The cop didn’t even bat an
eye, just nodded and waved me through the turnstile. Ah, jaded New York, how I
love you."
This is why when I travel I either leave my butt plugs at home or wear them.