Series Pick-Ups

Variety reports that Fox has picked up the new Brad Garrett sitcom TIL DEATH and the serialized drama VANISHED.

"Vanished," from 20th Century Fox TV and
creator Josh Berman, revolves around a senator’s wife who goes missing
as part of a larger conspiracy.

Inspired by the country’s ongoing
fascination with missing women, the story behind "Vanished" will unfold
throughout the season, as told through the eyes of law enforcement,
family members and the media.

Mimi Leder
(who directed the pilot) and Paul Redford exec produce the drama, which
stars John Allen Nelson, John Patrick Amedori, Ming-Na, Chris Egan,
Robert Hoffman, Margarita Levieva, Joanne Kelly, Gale Harold and
Rebecca Gayheart.

"We’ve had success with epic sagas over the
last few years, and this one is delicious in the way that any great
mystery novel is," Erwich said. "There’s also a great franchise at the
center of it."

Writing Staffs

Ken Levine has a terrific post today on the importance of "room chemistry" in putting together a writing staff. 

When putting a writing staff together I always think of the great line
from either Bob Schiller or Bob Weiskopf – what six people would you
like to be stuck in a Volkswagon with driving across the country?
Besides talent, so much depends on chemistry because you spend so much
time together in close quarters under enormous pressure. By the end of
the season even the closest staff starts getting on each other’s
nerves. It’s like, take a fifty year marriage and compress it into
eight months.

He is so right. Writing talent is only one part of what gets you hired on staff — just as important is how you will mix with the other writer and whether you’re someone the showrunner will enjoy hanging out with. There’s a freelancer we used a few times who was great at crafting stories and turning in a solid first draft — but in a room he was this incredible blackhole that sucked the soul right out of you. Ten minutes with him felt like ten decades… which is why he’s never ended up getting on a writing staff despite a long list of freelance credits.

Ken catalogs some of the typical writing room personalities (Dr. No, Mr. Let’s-Go-Back, etc.) and he’s spot-on.  He misses a couple, like "Mr. Out-of-Sync," the writer who is never, ever, in step with the flow of the room or the direction of the story — his suggestions, his jokes, his clues, etc. never fit. They aren’t bad suggestions, they just aren’t right for the way the story or scene is flowing. It’s like he’s doing a different episode or, worse, an entirely different series. The problem is, whenever he pitches one of his out-of-sync ideas, it knocks everyone off track (though, to be fair, some times when explaining to Mr. Out-of-Sync why his suggestion is so so  wrong, it does lead us to a clever solution).

Another one is Mr. Cliche — every one of his suggestions is so painfully familiar, so incredibly over-done, so lazy, that you just want to leap across the room and strangle him (which, in itself, is a cliche).

Mr. Cliche’s close cousin in the writing room is  Mr. Steal From the Movie I Saw Last Night.  In one case, Mr. Steal From the Movie I Saw Last Night was the showrunner. He mapped out the season on the wall with index cards. Each index card referenced a recent or classic movie. For instance, let’s say the show was called DEFECATOR. The cards read like this: "Defecator’s Dirty Dozen," "Defecator’s Deliverance," "The Defecator’s Million Dollar Baby," "Brokeback Defecator," etc.

Of course, I’m none of those people. Then again, I’m sure Mr. Out-of-Sync thinks the same thing…and my constant fear is that he is me.

You Stole My Bad Idea

E! is reporting that a guy named Jack Bunick is suing Jennifer Lopez for allegedly ripping off his idea for the flop UPN series SOUTH BEACH:

The hourlong show
premiered Jan. 11 and lasted eight episodes, proving that there is a
limit to how much tanning, nightclubbing and stereotypically snooty
behavior viewers can stand. Bunick is seeking monetary
damages and an injunction barring any further broadcasting of South
Beach
(well, that second part sounds like a given anyway).

The report has amused the folks at MediaBistro:

This shows true savvy: Suing over a cancelled show. Clearly, loads of money to be gotten there.

John August is my Hero

Screenwriter John August pleads with writers to take a vow to stop having characters crawl around in air vents.  Why? Because it’s stupid, lazy, unrealistic… AND STUPID.  I’ve even seen people in movies crawl through the airvents in a house.  So I applaud John for waging war against this inane cliche:

Here’s what I’m proposing:  The Screenwriter’s Vow of Air Vent Chastity.

I, John August, hereby swear that I shall never place a
character inside an air duct, ventilation shaft, or any other euphemism
for a building system designed to move air around.

One day, I’d love to win an Oscar. An Emmy. A Tony Award. But if all
I accomplished in my screenwriting life were reducing the number of
times characters climbed through air vents, I’d consider my work
successful.

Law & Order In Jeopardy

Fox News is reporting that LAW AND ORDER could be facing the ax…and that there are big shake-ups happening on both sides of the camera. For one thing, Annie Parisse has abruptly quit as the A.D.A. and, according to Fox, Dick Wolf is having trouble recasting when word-on-the-street is that the show maynot be coming back. They also report that S. Epatha Mekerson walked off of a "crossover" episode with L&O:CRIMINAL INTENT in a dispute over how her character was being written.

There’s a significant morale problem, too. Sources say that there
have been "a lot" of firings, including a portion of the camera crew.

"None of the original writer-producers are there anymore," a source
said. "They’ve all been replaced by people from L.A. who don’t get the
show."

[…] If "Law & Order" does get cancelled, or renewed just long enough
to do a finale season, it won’t be a tremendous surprise. Sixteen
years, after all, is twice the length of the run of a regular hit show.
Still, insiders blame the constant reruns on TNT for over-saturating
the brand.

"Even they’re cutting back now," a source said.

NBC declined comment except to say: "It is the producers’ desire to
keep the season finale of ‘Law and Order’ under wraps because of some
surprising developments."

UPDATE 4-28-06: NBC renewed all three LAW & ORDER series today. The jury is still out on CONVICTION.

Lesbians Are Deadly

On my drive back from Palm Springs, I was scanning the radiowaves for NPR, Prairie Home Companion, This American Life, or some other liberal-leaning entertainment. What I stumbled on was a program on a conservative Christian radio station (KJoy92?) discussing Marlin Maddoux’s book "Public Education Against America." It was the funniest — and scariest — thing I’ve heard in ages.

One of the most amazing charges the guest made was that parents should be against homosexuality even being mentioned in schools…since homosexuality is deadlier than cigarettes. Yes, that’s what he said, the gay and lesbian lifestyle is deadlier than cancer (and he made a point of saying it wasn’t because of AIDS). According to the guest, and presumably the book, homosexuals have significantly shorter life spans than lifetime smokers (most gays and lesbians die before they are 50, the guest asserted). So the argument the hosts and guest on the show were making was that it’s hypocrisy to tell our kids that smoking is wrong, that it will kill you, when being gay is much, much deadlier.

The hosts (a married couple) and the guest also claimed that studies irrefutably show that "humanistic education" and tolerance of homosexuality inevitably leads to Marxism. I almost had an accident looking for a pen in my car so I could write down the name of the show and some of their outrageous claims…but I couldn’t find one. But I was able to remember the name of the website selling the book. I’m still looking for an article that quotes some of the "facts" from this book so I can post them here.

I’ll say this, though, it was a very entertaining show…so over-the-top it was almost satire.

UPDATE: I found this nugget on a list of  anti-Gay "talking points" from Kerby Anderson, the new host of Maddoux’s radio show "Point of View," and who may have been the guy I heard on the radio yesterday:

4. Public health: Homosexual sex is dangerous and
destructive to the human body. The International Journal of
Epidemiology reports that the life expectancy at age 20 for gay and
bisexual men is 8 to 10 years less than for all men. If the same
pattern of mortality were to continue, researchers estimate that nearly
half of gay and bisexual men currently 20 years of age will not reach
their 65th birthday.

Goodbye to Gilmore Girls

Word has hit the trades that GILMORE GIRLS writer/creator/showrunner Amy Sherman-Palladino and her husband Dan are leaving the show.

"Despite our best efforts to return and ensure the future of Gilmore Girls
for years to come, we were unable to reach an agreement with the studio
and are therefore leaving when our contracts expire at the end of this
season," said Amy and Dan in a statement. "Our heartfelt thanks go out
to our amazing cast, hard-working crew and loyal fans. We know that the
story lines from this season will continue into the next, and that the
integrity of the show will remain long after we leave Stars Hollow."

According to a statement released by Warner Bros., "While we are
disappointed that Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino have decided
not to stay with the show next season, we are very confident that Dave
Rosenthal, an experienced writer/producer with the show, will make the
transition seamless moving into the seventh year of Gilmore Girls.
We want to thank Amy for creating and nurturing this wonderful series
for the past six years and giving us one of the most memorable
mother/daughter relationships in television history."