Desperate Imitation?

ABC announced several new pilot projects today, one of them clearly aimed at cashing in on the huge success of  DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. It’s called SOCCER MOMS, a comedy-drama with soap opera elements about a pair of  suburban mothers who team up as PIs — one is an ex-cop, the other a housewife who knows all the neighborhood gossip. And like DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, this was also written & created by a sitcom writer.

This is not the first time this concept has been tried over the years. As recently as two seasons ago, Lifetime produced an hour-long pilot called FOLLOW THE LEADS that had virtually the same concept.  The network passed…and picked up MISSING instead.

Battlestar Galactica

BattlestargalacticaThe new SciFi Channel revival of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA won rave reviews today from the Los Angeles Times and Brian Lowry at Variety.

Those who don’t frequent Internet chat rooms have missed much of the
off-screen drama surrounding "Galactica’s" voyage, with plenty of overheated
bleating
from fans of the original that has gone a long way toward giving sci-fi
nerds a bad name. Fortunately, producers of the new show have mostly tuned out
the static and stuck to their guns, crafting a very adult series whose principle
shortcoming is being almost unrelentingly grim — though not inappropriately so,
given the subject matter.

Lowry says the producers aren’t entirely tuning out the whining from the fans of the original series.

The producers have thrown a bone to die-hard fans by casting Richard Hatch
Apollo in the earlier version, who has spent years lobbying to revive the
franchise — in the third episode. Hatch plays a political prisoner who leads a
rebellion against the fleet, which is doubtless a small inside joke.

I’m sure the producers are expecting calls from Herbert Jefferson, Laurette Spang and all the other Galactica has-beens in the morning.

Law & Order: The Sitcom

In last night’s episode of LAW AND ORDER, Elizabeth Rohm left the cast after several seasons blandly portraying a junior prosecutor. The episode, of course, really had nothing to do with her character… they saved her exit for the tag. Most of the time, the cops or ADAs who leave LAW AND ORDER are shot or killed… so I was waiting for her to get plugged on the court house steps. Instead, they went for what will probably go down as the biggest, unintentional laugh of the season.

Law_and_order_1The D.A., played by Fred Dalton Thompson, calls her character into his office and, because she often lets emotion cloud her judgement, fires her. If they left it at that Donald Trump-esque moment, that would have been fine. Instead, they had to go one more beat…

"Is it because I’m a lesbian?" she asked.

The D.A says no, it’s not because you’re a lesbian. She sighs,
relieved, and says I’m glad,  and that was the end of the episode.

The throwaway line was a complete, and uproarious, nonsequitor. Her character’s sexuality, straight or gay, has never come up in all the years she’s been on the show. Nor have they discussed the sexuality of any other regular. So what was the point of the line?  It certainly didn’t come off as drama, that’s for sure. It came off as an unintentional joke.

How I Write

This article, which I wrote, appeared last month on the Mystery Morgue website. Here it is again, by popular demand. If  it seems familiar, that’s because some of it was culled from old posts on this blog.

I’ve just signed  a contract for four more Diagnosis Murder
books… and the next one is due in March. I have the broad strokes of the
story….but that’s it. The broad strokes. The equivalent of book jacket copy.
I’ve still got to come up with the actual story.
I’ve been able to  procrastinate by doing
research on the period… which has given me some plot ideas… but I’ve still
got to figure out the murders, the clues, the characters and, oh yes, the story.

This is the hardest part of
writing… the sitting around, staring into space, and thinking. This is
writing, even if you aren’t physically writing.
A lot of non-writers have a hard time understanding this. Yes, just sitting in
a chair doing nothing is writing. A crucial part, in fact.

It can be hell… especially
when you are on as short a deadline as I am. Everyone has their own method…
this is mine:

Once all the thinking is done,
I sit down and work out a rough outline… one or two lines on each
"scene," with the vital clues or story points in bold. It’s what I
call "a living outline," because it changes as I write the book,
staying a few chapters ahead of me (and, some times, requiring me to go back
and revise earlier chapters to jibe with the new changes I’ve made… like
characters who were supposed to die in the story but don’t). I keep revising
the outline right up to the end of the novel. I finish both the book and the
living outline almost simultaneously.

While I’m still thinking, and
while I’m outlining, and while I’m writing, I compile and maintain what I call
"my Murder Book," a thick binder that contains my outline, my working
manuscript, and notes, emails, articles, clips, photographs,
post-its…anything and everything relating to my story. By the time the book
is done, the binder is bulging with stuff… including my notes on what my next
book might be.

Now I’m in the thinking stage,
which is why I have time to write
this. What a great way to procrastinate!

In every  "Diagnosis Murder" book, Dr. Mark
Sloan is able to unravel a puzzling murder by using clever deductions and good
medicine to unmask the killer.

I wish I could say that he’s
able to do that because of my astonishing knowledge of medicine, but it’s not.

I’m just a writer.

I know as much about being a
doctor as I do about being a private eye, a lifeguard, a submarine Captain, or
a werewolf… and I’ve written and produced TV shows about all of them, too.

What I do is tell stories. And
what I don’t know, I usually make up…or call an expert to tell me.

Writing mysteries is, by far, the hardest writing I’ve had to do in television.
Writing a medical mystery is even harder. On most TV shows, you can just tell a
good story. With mysteries, a good story isn’t enough, you also need a
challenging puzzle. It’s twice as much work for the same money.

I always begin developing a book
the same way – I come up with an "arena," the world in which our
story will take place. A UFO convention. Murder in a police precinct. A rivalry
between mother and daughter for the love of a man. Once I have the arena, I think
about the characters. Who are the people the story will be about? What makes
them interesting? What goals do they have, and how do they conflict with the
other characters.

And then I ask myself the big
questions – who gets murdered, how is he or she killed, and why? How Dr. Mark
Sloan solves that murder depends on whether I’m are writing an open or closed
mystery.

Whether the murder is
"open," meaning the reader knows whodunit from the start, or whether
it is "closed," meaning I find out who the killer is the same time
that the hero does, is dictated by the series concept. "Columbo"
mysteries are always open, "Murder She Wrote" was always closed, and
"Diagnosis Murder" mixes both. An open mystery works when both the
murderer, and the reader, think the perfect crime has been committed. The
pleasure is watching the detective unravel the crime, and find the flaws you
didn’t see. A closed mystery works when the murder seems impossible to solve,
and the clues that are found don’t seem to point to any one person, but the
hero sees the connection you don’t and unmasks the killer with it.

In plotting the book, the
actual murder is the last thing I explore, once I’ve settled on the arena and
devised some interesting characters. Once I figure out who to kill and how,
then I start asking myself what the killer did wrong. I need a number of clues,
some red-herrings that point to other suspects, and clues which point to our
murderer. The hardest clue is the finish clue, or as we call it, the
"ah-ha!," the little shred of evidence that allows the hero to solve
the crime – but still leaves the reader in the dark.

The finish clue is the hardest
part of writing a "Diagnosis Murder" book – because it has to be
something obscure enough that it won’t make it obvious who the killer is to
everybody, but definitive enough that the reader will be satisfied when Mark
Sloan nails the murderer with it.

A "Diagnosis Murder"
book is a manipulation of information, a game that’s played on the reader. Once
I have the rigid frame of the puzzle, I have to hide the puzzle so the reader
isn’t aware they are being manipulated. It’s less about concealment than it is
about distraction. If I do it right, the reader is so caught up in the conflict
and drama of the story, they aren’t aware that they are being constantly
misdirected.

The difficulty, the sheer,
agonizing torture, of writing "Diagnosis Murder" is telling a good
story while, at the same time, constructing a challenging puzzle. To me, the
story is more important than the puzzle — the book should be driven by
character conflict, not my need to reveal clues. The revelations should come
naturally out of character, because people read books to see interesting people
in interesting situations…not to solve puzzles. A mystery, without the
character and story, isn’t very entertaining.

In my experience, the best
"ah-ha!" clues come from character, not from mere forensics – for
instance, I discover Aunt Mildred is the murderer because she’s such a clean
freak, she couldn’t resist doing the dishes after killing her nephew.

But this is a book series
about a doctor who solves crimes. Medicine has to be as important as
character-based clues. So I try to mix them together. The medical clue comes
out of character.

So how do I come up with that
clever bit of medicine?

First, I decide what function
or purpose the medical clue has to serve, and how it is linked to our killer,
then I make a call to Dr. D.P. Lyle, author of “Forensics for Dummies,” to help
me find us the right malady, drug, or condition that fits our story needs. If he
doesn’t know the answer, I go to the source. If it’s a question about
infectious diseases, for instance, I might call the Centers for Disease
Control. If it’s a forensic question, I might call the medical examiner. If
it’s a drug question, I’ll call a pharmaceutical company. It all depends on the
story. And more often than not, whoever I find is glad to answer my questions.

The reader enjoys the game as
long as you play fair…as long as they feel they had the chance to solve the
mystery, too. Even if they do solve it ahead of your detective, if it was a
difficult and challenging mystery, they feel smart and don’t feel cheated. They
are satisfied, even if they aren’t surprised.

If Dr. Sloan catches the killer
because of some arcane medical fact you’d have to be an expert to catch, then I’ve
failed and you won’t watch the show again.

The medical clue has to be
clever, but it can’t be so obscure that you don’t have a chance to notice it
for yourself, even if you aren’t an M.D. And it has to come out of character,
so even if you do miss the clue, it’s consistent with, and arises from, a
character’s behavior you can identify.

To play fair, all the clues
and discoveries have to be shared with the reader at the same time that the
hero finds them. There’s nothing worse than with-holding clues from the reader
– and the sad thing is, most mysteries do it all the time. The writers do it
because playing fair is much, much harder than cheating. If you have the hero
get the vital information “off screen,” between chapters, the story is a lot
easier to plot. But when "Diagnosis Murder" book works, when the
mystery is tight, and the reader is fairly and honestly fooled, it makes all
the hours of painful plotting worthwhile.

That, and the royalty check.

When you sit down to write a
mystery novel, there are no limitations on where your characters can go and
what they can do. Your detective hero can appear on every single page. He can
spend all the time he wants outdoors, even at night, and can talk with as many
people as he likes. Those may not seem like amazing creative liberties to you,
but to someone who makes most of his living writing for television, they are
amazing freedoms.

Before a TV writer even begins
to think about his story, he has to consider a number of factors that have
nothing to do with telling a good mystery or creating memorable characters.

For one thing, there’s the budget and the shooting schedule. Whatever story you
come up with has be shot in X many days for X amount of dollars. In the case of
“Diagnosis Murder,” a show I wrote and produced for several years, it was seven
days and $1.2 million dollars. In TV terms, it was a cheap show shot very fast.

To make that schedule, you are
limited to the number of days your characters can be “on location” as opposed
to being on the “standing sets,” the regular interiors used in each book. On
“Diagnosis Murder,” it was four days “in” and three days “out.” Within that
equation, there are still more limitations – how many new sets can be built,
how many locations you can visit and how many scenes can be shot at night.

Depending on the show’s
budget, you are also limited to X number of guest stars and X number of smaller
“speaking parts” per book. So before you even begin plotting, you know that you
can only have, for example, four major characters and three smaller roles (like
waiters, secretaries, etc.). Ever wonder why a traditional whodunit on TV is
usually a murder and three-to-four suspects? Now you know.

Then there’s the work schedule
of your regular cast to consider. On “Diagnosis Murder,” Dick Van Dyke only
worked three consecutive days a week and he wouldn’t visit any location more
than thirty miles from his home. Co-star Victoria Rowell split her time with the
soap opera “Young and the Restless,” and often wasn’t available to shoot until
after lunch.

On top of all that, your story
has to be told in four acts, with a major twist or revelation before each
commercial break, and unfold over 44 minutes of airtime.

It’s astonishing, given all
those restrictions, that there are so many complex, entertaining, and fun
mysteries on television.

Those limitations become so
ingrained to a TV writer/producer, that it become second-nature. You
instinctively know the moment you’re pitched a particular story if it can be
told within the budgetary and scheduling framework of your show. It becomes so
ingrained, in fact, that it’s almost impossible to let go, even when you have
the chance.

I am no longer bound by the
creative restrictions of the show. I don’t have to worry about sticking to our
“standing sets,” Dick Van Dyke’s work schedule, or the number of places the
characters visit.. Yet I’m finding it almost impossible to let go. After
writing and/or producing 100 episodes of the show, it’s the way I think of a
“Diagnosis Murder” story.

And if you watched the show,
it’s the way you think of a “Diagnosis Murder” story, too –whether you realize
it or not. You may not know the reasons why a story is told the way its told,
but the complex formula behind the story-telling becomes the natural rhythm and
feel of the show. When that rhythm changes, it’s jarring.

If you watch your favorite TV
series carefully now, and pay close attention to the number of guest stars,
scenes that take place on the “regular sets,” and how often scenes take place
outdoors at night, and you might be able to get a pretty good idea of the
production limitations confronting that show’s writers every week.

And if you read my “Diagnosis
Murder” novels, feel free to put the book down every fifteen minutes or so for
a commercial break.

Speaking of which, if there’s
actually going to be another “Diagnosis Murder” novel, I better get back to
work… sitting in my chair, doing nothing.

The Decline of Story

Richard S. Wheeler certainly isn’t afraid of controversy. After laying the blame for the decline of the mass-market paperbacks on the quality of the novels, today on his new blog he makes much the same argument about the movie business.

fiction is not the only type of storytelling in decline. After
adjusting for inflation, Hollywood’s annual gross from feature films
had declined every year since 1970. As is true of novels, this decline
has occurred during a time of rapid population growth. Plainly, there
is a deepening disconnect between storytellers of all sorts, and those
who buy our stories.

In the case of the movie business, I’m not sure storytellers are to blame as much as aggressive creative meddling by non-writers… studio execs who "develop" scripts to death. Literally.

What are your thoughts?

TV Cannibalization — it’s a Series!

I didn’t realize it before, but thanks to Bob Sassone, I’ve discovered that these TV cannibalizations (see previous post) aren’t just specials anymore, they’re a franchise, which is Industry-speak for a series.

Yahoo reports that NBC is mounting a TV movie about the making of MORK AND MINDY, which is "extending its successful "Behind the Camera" movie franchise."

"The movie is a celebration of a great sitcom and the comic genius of Robin Williams," said executive producer Matt Dorff. "It also explores the downside of the show’s overnight success when the network takes a hit show and tries to fix it."

But that’s not all. The movie stars little-known Canadian actor Chris Diamantopoulos as Robin Williams, and Dorff believes this could lead to much bigger things…

"We believe that — like ‘Mork & Mindy’ was for Williams — this is going be his springboard to TV stardom."

Hell, if that happens, this could be the start of a whole new franchise. In five or ten years, we could see movies about the making of movies about the making the TV shows. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

If I were Matt Dorff, I’d take lots of notes during the shooting…

TV Discovers New Way to Cannibalize Itself

Nowadays it isnt enough to resurrect old TV shows for revivals (new movies continuing the stories of the characters from the show), reunion specials (actors reminiscing over clips from the old show) and feature film remakes (like STARSKY AND HUTCH, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, CHARLIE’S ANGELS, etc.). Clever network executives have figured out a new way to exploit old hits… 

Now they are making TV movies about the making of  old TV shows.

There have been TV movies about the making of  BATMAN,  THE BRADY BUNCH,  CHARLIE’S ANGELS,  THREE’S COMPANY and now ABC is about to air DYNASTY: BEHIND-THE-SCENES OF A GUILTY PLEASURE. 

The movies-about-TV shows try to make the routine  power plays, artistic differences, and personality clashes play out like high drama (or low comedy, depending on your POV)  instead of what it really is — insanely stupid squabbling over nothing. What’s even more amazing is that people actually tune in to watch the stuff.

If this swill keeps scoring in the ratings, can TV movies about the making of MASH, ALL IN THE FAMILY, STAR TREK, and KNIGHTRIDER be far behind?

To me,  movies about the production of classic TV shows is a new low point for television, though not quite as offensive and jaw-droppingly low brow as reality shows like  TEMPTATION ISLAND, WIFE SWAP, FEAR FACTOR, and EXTREME MAKE-OVER.   But I suppose the  television industry’s endless fascination with itself shouldn’t be a surprise…  Showtime just announced it was making a movie out of  the battle between Michael Eisner and Mike Ovitz at Disney.

Warner Brothers Cries UNCLE

Variety Reports that Warner Brothers is exhuming yet another classic TV series for the big screen… they are mounting a feature film version of THE MAN FROM UNCLE.Manfromuncle

The interesting twist here is that the movie is going to be directed by Matthew Vaughn who, for most of his life, believed he was the biol0gical son of UNCLE star Robert Vaughn.  It turns out that he wasn’t (but is actually the biological son of some minor British aristocrat).

Matthew Vaughn is the long-time producing partner of Guy Ritchie and made his directorial debut with LAYER CAKE, a crime thriller that will be released this spring.

At one time, Quentin Tarantino was rumored to be interested in an UNCLE feature…

Who Was the Best TV Doctor?

I received this email today:

I read your blog frequently and am always interested in the TV/movie production insights you provide.  I was also interested in your comments on TV private eyes.  Now since you write a show that includes a doctor, perhaps you’d give us your thoughts on your fave TV doctor.

They run the gamut from Dr. Kildare to Marcus Welby to Dr. Carter on ER with side shoots going off to Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John, MD and the entire cast of "Scrubs".

Peter Tietjen

I like Dr. McCoy (Star Trek), Dr. Adams (Gunsmoke), Rafferty (Patrick McGoohan from the short-lived series "Rafferty"), and Dr. Greene on ER.  I also like Hugh Laurie as Dr. House in the new Fox series.

What about the rest of you?