Lee Goldberg

Tod here reporting on the new and improved version of Lee. My understanding, from sources close to the surgery, is that Lee was awake for the entire surgery and watched with eager pleasure as his crack staff of doctors removed all the precious metals from his arm. While watching this occur, Lee was horrified to learn that aliens had implanted a tracking device into his arm at some point in the past and that all his thoughts, emotions, true feelings about the likelyhood that Richard Hatch and the Dagget once copulated, and a pilot idea for a show about crime fighting crossover TV/ fan fiction writers ("This week, the cast of the Love Boat solves the mystery of who shot JR…") had been turned into a database that will later be used to enslave all of mankind deep in the center of the earth.

All that being said, he’s in good shape and eagerly awaiting word from the Mothership.

Most women have to fight over the remote control with their husbands and boyfriends. But here’s one remote they won’t be fighting over. ABC News reports that Dr. Stuart Meloy, an anesthesiologist and pain specialist in Winston-Salem,  accidentally stumbled on a device that will give women extreme orgasms… by remote control. It’s an adolescent sex fantasy come to true, no pun intended.

While Meloy was putting an electrode into the spine of a female patient with chronic back pain, the woman reported a decrease in her pain and a delightful, but very unexpected, side effect.

"When we turned on the power in this case, she let out a moan and began hyperventilating," Meloy said on ABC News’ Good Morning America. "Of course we cut the power and I looked around the drapes and asked her what was going on. Once she caught her breath, she said ‘you’re gonna have to teach my husband how to do that!’ "

Meloy soon realized he may have discovered a device that could help thousands of women who have trouble achieving orgasm.

"The device is the use of a pre-existing device called a spinal cord stimulator," he said. "Instead of treating chronic pain with the stimulator, we’re treating orgasmic dysfunction." 

In a surgical procedure done in his office, Meloy implants the electrodes from this device into the back of the patient, at the bottom part of the spinal cord. When the electrodes are stimulated with a remote control, the brain interprets the signal as an orgasm, he said. The device is about the size of a pacemaker and can be turned on and off with a handheld remote control.

In a study he conducted for the Journal of the American Society of Anesthesiologists,  ninety-one percent of the women he tested experienced orgasms.  Not surprisingly, the test subjects didn’t want to give the machine back when the study was over. One patient commented:

"When I gave it back, I came in the office and Dr. Meloy took the electrodes out of, you know, out of the back and it was like I was losing my best friend. It was very hard to give it back."

Now, if they could combine the orgasmatron with a Tivo remote, think how many marriages could be saved!