My Blog

The Way We Were

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I remember when the DVD boxed set of UFO came out. I couldn’t wait to watch it. Not only that, I couldn’t wait to show my friends. Unfortunately, I did both at the same time…bringing the DVD into the office to show them during lunch. What a mistake. The series I thought was so unbelievably cool when I was a kid turned out to be an inane bore. UFO looked slick and Barry Gray’s score was still incredible, but everything else sucked — the  acting was leaden, the writing was terrible, and the direction was limp.  The Onion reports on someone who had the same sad experience when the DVD of  LAND OF THE LOST didn’t live up to his childhood memories.

I was pleased to discover, however, that KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER was every bit as good as I remembered it to be… though obviously cheap looking by today’s production standards, which is true when watching any old classics (from STAR TREK to THE ROCKFORD FILES, GUNSMOKE to MAN FROM UNCLE).  Mark Evanier, though, can’t get past the  el-cheapo production values when he watches HAWAII FIVE-O.

It’s great that so many old classics are coming out on DVD…but how many will live up to our fond memories and changed expectations?

A Novel Prescription

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William Rabkin clued me into this truly bizarre publishing scam. The Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America,  a lobbying group,  commissioned  ghost writer Julie Chrystyn to write a thriller designed to scare people out of buying cheap drugs from Canada. When word of the ridiculous scheme leaked out, the drug lobby offered $100,000 to the author and her publisher,  Michael Viner’s Phoenix Books, in a futile bid to bury the whole thing.

Chrystyn titled her thriller-in-progress "The Spivak Conspiracy," an homage
to her friend Kenin Spivak, an L.A. telecomm entrepreneur and
onetime Hollywood exec.

Spivak said he became Chrystyn’s co-writer after she delivered the first 50
pages, and PhRMA made several editorial suggestions.

"They said they wanted it somewhat dumbed down for women, with a lot more
fluff in it, and more about the wife of the head Croatian terrorist, who is a
former Miss Mexico," Spivak told me.

Apparently, women are among the most loyal buyers of Canadian drugs.

"They also wanted to change the motivating factor of the terrorists to greed,
because they didn’t want it to be politics," Spivak said. "They wanted lots of
people to die."

Spivak told me that since PhRMA pulled out – and he and his colleagues
rejected the lobby’s offer of $100,000 to kill the project – he and Chrystyn
have finished a revised version, "The Karasik Conspiracy," due early next
year.

Taming the Wild Cover

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The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy NTameovels are at it again with another hilarious critique of horrible book covers…this week, they skewer books with "Tame…" in the title. Here’s one of my favorites:

Candy: Bitch, please. This is the cleanest-cut rebel I’ve ever seen. What’s rebellious about him? His unnatural love of Brylcreem?
His choice to use steroid cream AND shoot it up? His decision to use
SPF15 instead of SPF40 sunscreen? His weirdly offset nipples?

Sarah: Whoo. What a rebel. To throw off the expectations of
society, and insist, visit after visit to the hair salon, on sporting a
mullet. The mullet alone is worth the 300-page effort of taming him.

E-RING Lasts Forever

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Why one critic isn’t watching E-RING any more.

Last Wednesday I performed an experiment. I watched the latest episode of E-Ring
while applying a branding iron directly to my face, just to see which
of these two forms of torture I could stand the longest. I have deduced
that, while eventually the branding iron heat burns through your nerve
endings, the pain of E-Ring lasts forever.

Charles Rocket RIP

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I got the sad news today that Charles Rocket committed suicide. He’s perhaps best known for his short stint on SNL, where he got booted for using an obscenity on live tv. I worked with him on the ill-fated ABC’s series  MURPHY’S LAW, starring George Segal as an insurance investigator. Rocket turned a one-shot  guest-star appearance as Murphy’s scheming rival,  in an episode that Bill & I wrote, into a regular role. He was the best thing about the series and we loved writing for him…as did everyone else on staff.  It’s a shame his career never took off the way it should have– he was a very talented man (he even did a dramatic role in DANCES WITH WOLVES).

Harley on DVD

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Hartsofthewest_completeHARTS OF THE WEST lasted a mere 15 episodes on CBS back in 1993 and it’s coming to DVD… for a second time.  Back in 2002, two episodes were released on DVD. Now, to sate the appetite of the legions of HARTS OF THE WEST fans (who I think are called Westies and are holding their annual convention in Deerpark, Washington this year), all 15 episodes are finally being released in a boxed set.

This is good news for my friend Harley Jane Kozak, who was one of the stars and who remains a red hot sex object to diehard Westies and mystery book lovers everywhere.

Channel Surfing

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Lots of interesting TV news in Variety today…

Steven Bochco replaced COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF creator/exec producer Rod Lurie…and has wasted no time making the show his own. Five of the original eight writer/producers have been booted.  Staying on are Dee Johnson, Scoop Cohen and Stuart
Stevens who will be joined by Bochco veterans Alison Cross and Joel Fields. Variety says Bochco wanted a smaller staff and doesn’t plan to hire any more writers. Reportedly, big staff changes are also in the works at GHOST WHISPERER on CBS. It’s ironic that the two highest rated new series of the season are undergoing such internal turmoil.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water, NBC has picked up SURFACE for the full season.

Cartoon Network has ordered 26 episodes of  a new animated revival of the 60s cult classic GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE.  They haven’t said whether it will be "re-imagined" or not.

And ABC has ordered a pilot called COLE TRACER PI, about the star of a cancelled TV detective series who teams up with the show’s technical advisor to solve crimes. It’s being directed by Joe & Anthony Russo, who are three-for-three when it comes to directing pilots that get series orders (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, LUCKY, and LAX).

CRIMESPREE Wants More

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The November issue of Crimespree Magazine will include editor Jon Jordan’s very nice review of  my new book THE MAN WITH THE IRON ON BADGE:

Harvey Mapes could be me. He’s a guy who reads a
lot of PI novels, loves the old PI television shows and he thinks he can
solve mysteries. The similarities are almost disturbing. However Harvey is
fictional, and a bit more willing to take chances.

The book sets up nicely
with Harvey working in his guard shack for a gated community in California.
One of the residents makes a nice monetary offer to him in exchange for
services, in short the old rich guy wants his wife followed. Harvey having
read many books and seen many TV shows feels he’s up to the job. What ensues
is a wonderful story of the pitfalls of overestimating yourself, and what
happens when you surpass your own expectations.

Goldberg has a knack
for combining just the right amount of humor and realism with his obvious
love for the PI genre and his own smart ass sensibilities. THE MAN WITH THE
IRON ON BADGE is a terrific read and I for one would love to see this become
a series. Goldberg is the real deal and should be on everyone’s must read
list.

Thanks so much, Jon. I’d like to write more about Harvey, too.