My Blog

How to Fire Your Agent

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Screenwriter Craig Mazin shows you how it’s done.

I recommend doing it on the phone. I don’t say this because it’s the cowardly
move. It’s not. I say this because agents are extremely well-trained in the art
of not letting clients fire them. Don’t kid yourselves…the stories of meetings
that began with clients saying “you’re fired” and ended with “okay, you’re still
my agent” are legend at the big firms, and they have many ways of breaking
you.

As usual, Craig has lots of good advice. Take notes.

Two and out

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HEAD CASES was cancelled by Fox after only two episodes, but it’s hardly the first series cancelled so abruptly. It joins an infamous list, compiled by TrivialTV, that includes such forgotten failures as BIG SHAMUS LITTLE SHAMUS, CHARLIE LAWRENCE, FOUR CORNERS,  THE PAULA POUNDSTONE SHOW, PRINCE STREET, SLEEPWALKERS, THE MIKE O’MALLEY SHOW, and RYAN CAULFIELD: YEAR ONE.

What’s it Worth to You to See Me Put on Deordorant?

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Idea3Despite it being "an overwhelmingly positive experience," The Waking Vixen is giving up her job as a sex worker:

"Of course, it remains to be seen whether I can maintain “retirement” or whatever
– it’s probably not going to be a clean break. In many ways, sex work is pretty
addictive – the hours, the piles of cash money, the control over my body and
those of others. It’s really difficult to see my days in terms of hour-long
sessions, and to constantly think – hmm, could I get paid for what I’m doing
right now? From peeing to eating to squeezing my nipples, I’m always wondering
about how much that’s worth."

Yeah, me too.  Especially when I’m staring at the blank screen, twisting my nipples, trying to figure out what to write next. Deep down, I think she’s really a writer. I mean, who among us scribes hasn’t had this thought before:

"it’s hard to turn away from it, to think about the eventuality of having to work
with clothes on."

Another Show Nobody Wants to See Coming to DVD

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MGM is releasing the flop series version of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN on DVD. I think they release shit like this just to make me crazy wondering why shows I worked on like SEAQUEST, MARTIAL LAW, and SPENSER FOR HIRE remain in the vaults (are they any worse than THAT’S MY MAMA, RENEGADE, AIRWOLF or BEASTMASTER? I know what it is…it’s me. I’m the reason why they aren’t being released).

Tod’s “Keen Voice and Profound Insight”

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My brother Tod got a rave review in today’s LA TIMES.

"I am in The Contraption. My eyes, which the doctor has dilated, are pinned
open."

"I’m in a sex shop in San Francisco watching my father buy a
leather jumpsuit for his gay lover."

"I was fourteen when I saw the Loch
Ness monster."

"My picture of Elvis is bleeding."

Simplifysm_1"Ira looked
out over the field of combatants, all fifteen hundred of them, and wondered
when, exactly, he’d lost his mind."

It’s generally agreed that the
writers’ code of etiquette stipulates time shares in hell for blabby book
reviewers who give away endings. But one trusts that succumbing to the urge to
quote first sentences is at worst a venial offense. In the case of Tod
Goldberg’s new story collection, "Simplify," these lines serve not only to show
how a seductive pull can radiate from a handful of words, they also stand as
markers for certain traits shared among the 12 stories in the novelist’s first
collection: They are almost all told in the first person, the
narrator-protagonist is a boy or young(ish) man, and there is an omnipresence of
bizarre apparitions, as well as uninvited drop-ins from beyond reality.

Read more

Staying Sharp

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Lee0001Here are some photos from my day of whirlwind signings with the irrepressible, and potentially lethal, Zoe Sharp. Lee0013The first is from the Mystery Bookstore in Westwood CA, the second is Zoe and I with Jane and Heidi, two of the hot Lit-babes who own Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks, CA. You can order signed copies of our books from either of these fine establishments while supplies last. (Click on the photos for larger images)

The Face of E-vil

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PhantasieThe Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy novels tackle some E-book covers…and the results are laugh-out-loud funny. Here’s a sample, referring to the book cover on the left:

Beavis: Whoa!

Butthead: WHOA!

Beavis: She’s like, naked! With armbands!

Butthead:Huh huh. Yeah.

Beavis: And she’s gonna get stabbed by that CHURCH! YEAH!

Butthead: Huh huh.That’s cool.

Beavis: Stab her! Stab her in the BUTT!

Butthead: Huh huh huh huh. Tell her to move her hand first so we can see her boobs.

Beavis: Yeah! BOOBS

Butthead: Yeah. Huh huh.

Me, I’m curious about the author’s name. "Kit Tunstall?" What kind of name is that? It sounds like a particularly unpleasant procedure involving the colon.