“I’m currently watching the pilot of KOJAK, waiting for my bowels to erupt into a Jackson Pollock painting.”

What is TV Writer Paul Guyot talking about? Check out his blog and see.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only TV Writer who is a total TV Geek.

My recent TV Series boxed set purchases include:  MAGNUM PI,  GREATEST AMERICAN HERO, CRIME STORY, DUSTY’S TRAIL (I admit it, I couldn’t help myself), RESCUE ME,  BOB NEWHART SHOW, KAVANAGH QC (British series), and THE HUSTLE (British series).   

I also have all the box sets Paul just bought with the exception of QUINCY, which I think he is going to be heart-broken to discover actually sucks. KOJAK, however, is every bit as good as he remembers. I even recommend the TV movies they made a few years after the show was cancelled, particularly KOJAK: THE BELARUS FILE.

They’re At It Again…

You’d think the people at Bookstofilm.com  ("where literature meets Hollywood")  would have taken me off their mailing list after what I wrote about them here before. But no…today I got another come-on from them.

BookstoFilm.com publishes a semi-annual catalog which is
distributed to
over 2500 film producers, directors, studios, and film
agents nationwide…including those who produce educational and
documentary
films. The Spring 2005 catalog was a huge success, and it is available online now at
our website for current clients and film makers. The film industry is raving
over it!

Their website is  still wallpapered with bookcovers of bestsellers that were made into movies…implying that bookstofilm.com had something to do with them. They didn’t.  They still fail to list a single book sold to a major studio or production company  as a result of their catalog or their "numerous contacts in the United States film industry." Nor do they list a single author among their endorsers that you’ve ever heard of. The rave reviews touting their services are from the same handful of primarily self-published and PublishAmeica authors  as before (though they’ve stopped using the blurb from Sibyl Avery Jackson, author of "Degree of Caution,"
winner of the  "Sistah Circle Book Club’s 2002 Self-Published African African American Author Award for Best Mystery.")

The only new twist to their pitch is they now donate to charity a portion of the money they receive from authors who fork over $195 to be mentioned in their catalog.  It brings a tear to my eye.

My advice is not to waste your money on a listing in a piece of junkmail. Unagented authors interested in selling their books to Hollywood would be better off spending their money on sending their books, along with a punchy cover letter, directly to studio & production company development executives. 

You can donate to charity yourself…you don’t need "Bookstofilm.com" to do it for you.

Ride on My Coat-Tails…For a Price

There’s hot gossip making the rounds in mystery-writing circles  about the husband of A Famous Author who sent letters to first-time novelists recently offering to sell them blurbs from his wife as part of a promotional "break-out bestseller" package they’ve put together. The services allegedly include having The Famous Author rave about the book on her website, provide links on her website to the writer’s, and provide the writer witha  mailing list of the "Minotaur 100" reviewers as well as members of MWA and SiC.  In that spirit, author Donna Andrews jokingly offers her own menu of promotional services.

I’m not going to introduce my own competing service.  But
I have some ideas.   Just tossing around some rough figures, mind you,
but here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Website link: $5
Working website link: $50
Blog mention: $5
Humorous blog mention: $50
Blog entry claiming that I’ve read your book: $100
Actually reading your book and saying something intelligent about it: contact management for current rates.
Mentioning your book in public as what I’m currently reading: $25
Mentioning
your book as one of my year’s favorites: sliding scale, depending on
where the mention appears.  Contact management to negotiate terms.

The Guy Hanks School of Screenwriting

The Guy A. Hanks Screenwriting Program, established by Bill Cosby at the USC School of Cinema and Television, is starting it’s 12th year and accepting application this summer. The press release says:

This non USC program has single handedly
brought more successful African-American Writers into the entertainment industry
than any other program of its type.
It is designed to assist writers in completing a television or feature script, while examining African-American  history, culture and images in the media. Participation is free to those
selected. The program is not designed for beginning level writers. They are seeking writers who have taken the initiative to formally study television or feature writing. In an industry that
is extremely competitive, the program has found their greatest success in
assisting those who have a strong writing foundation in television or
screenwriting. Alumni from the program have
excelled in the entertainment industry and have been honored by organizations
including the NAACP. The program’s work has been recognized by the state’s
Governor, Senator and the Los Angeles Mayor’s office.

I’m a 1995 graduate of the Guy Hanks screenwriting program, only then it was called "The Cosby Mysteries" and Guy Hanks was the name of the detective that Cosby played. 

I was a supervising producer on the show and one of the invaluable screenwriting lessons I learned was that scripts don’t matter.  The best television is when actors throw out the script entirely and completely improvise scenes regardless of story continuity (or, in the case of whodunit mystery, the clues) or what what shot before… so that when the show is cut together, nothing makes sense.

MystlogoI only got one piece of screenwriting advice directly from Mr. Cosby. He called one day and said he thought it would be great if  some ninja assassins cartwheeled through the window in the finale, which was  shooting the next day (which also was the final day of production on the episode).  We mentioned it might be odd to see ninjas in the finale since there were no ninjas  in the show at all. As I recall, he said: "There are now."

We wrote the ridiculous finale, but after he read it, he refused show up for the scene at all because he felt we didn’t put our heart into what we wrote. So instead, we get a piece of amazing improvisation: The two villains not only get into a martial arts battle for no reason, they also explain to each other between blows how the murder was committed and how Guy Hanks might have put the clues together (since Guy Hanks isn’t there to tell us himself).  I was surprised they didn’t read each other their rights and arrest themselves. As it turned out, the police show up and slap the handcuffs on them after the fight…and, if I recall, there’s a silent shot of Cosby sitting in the car looking pissed.

A short time after THE COSBY MYSTERIES was cancelled, Cosby went on THE TONIGHT SHOW and blamed the show’s failure on the scripts.

I don’t know if there’s a real Guy Hanks and if the character, and the screenwriting program, are named in his honor. But I like to think that there isn’t, and that it’s Cosby’s way sticking it to the writers on the show one more time… 

Pen Pals

TV Writer Paul Guyot talks about how important it is for writers to have other writers as friends.

The intangible. See, I can talk to my wife about story, and she
reads everything I write, but even though she actually worked with
writers for a living, understands story and structure, gives very good,
precise notes, there is still something altogether different when it’s
a writer talking with another writer. There’s some nebulous thing
that’s shared.

My advice to any "aspiring" writers, be it screen or prose, is to find yourself a writer buddy.

Just don’t date another writer. I’ve made that mistake.

Buffy The Con Slayer

Variety reports that the organizer of Slayercon ’05, celebrating BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER down under, has disappeared with the $500,000 raised by ticket sales.

Edward Schumacher, topper of Scooby Gang Promotions — who organized
Slayercon 2005 in Adelaide for July 2-3 — is under investigation by South
Australia’s Office of Consumer and Business Affairs after dropping off the radar
in late April with all the event coin.

"We are trying to contact him to see if he has a bona fide intention to hold
the convention in October or to see if we can get the money back," said Mark
Bodycoat, OCBA topper. "But it doesn’t look hopeful, in my experience if things
start to happen like this it is not going to happen at all."

Unconfirmed reports speculate that he’s donated the money to the  Colonial Fan Force and their righteous cause.

There’s No Need to Fear, Another TV Remake is Here…

Following on the heels of SCOOBY-DOO, Variety reports that Disney is developing a live-action version of the TV cartoon UNDERDOG.

Underdog"Anything where you have a dog in that superhero context, that’s appealing on a
global basis," producer Gary Barber said. "Those films do very well, and there’s no better
brand than Disney for this kind of movie."

…The tongue-in-cheek "Underdog" skein, created by Buck Biggers and Chet Stover,
made its debut in 1964 on NBC and ran until 1973. The character was an unlikely
superhero: a beagle who sheds his milquetoast identity of Shoeshine Boy to
become a caped superdog who speaks in rhymed couplets. Wally Cox provided his
voice.

In the feature script, by Joe Piscatella and Craig A. Williams, a diminutive
hound named Shoeshine gets superpowers after a lab accident. When he’s adopted
by a 12-year-old boy, the two form a bond around the shared knowledge that
Shoeshine is really Underdog.