My Blog

Bookstore Browsing

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I wandered into a used bookstore in Ventura today and was delighted to find a handful of Clifton Adams westerns in mint condition…and for only a buck or two apiece. My finds were A NOOSE FOR DESPERADO (a spare copy, since I already have one in not nearly as fine condition), THE LAST DAYS OF WOLF GARNETT, HARD TIME BUNCH and BADGE AND HARRY COLE. Ed Gorman and Bill Crider have both recommended Adams, and particularly the two DESPERADO books, to me before, so I’m glad to add these to my collection.

When I got home, I was pleased to discover that several Harry Whittington books I’d won in various ebay auctions had arrived… they included DRAWN TO EVIL,  HEAT OF NIGHT, LISA (written under the pseudonym Hallam Whitney) and GODS BACK WAS TURNED.

I also finished reading JONATHAN STRANGE AND MR. NORRELL and I heartily recommend it.  The 800 pages just fly by… as if by magic.

The Persuaders

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PersuaderslogoVariety reports that Ben Stiller and British comic Steve Coogan are teaming up for a Dreamworks feature film version of  the 1971 UK-produced TV series THE PERSUADERS, the one-season bomb that starred Roger Moore and Tony Curtis as ner-do-well playboys drafted by a retired judge to work as detectives in Europe. The series began as a spin-off episode of  Moore’s  THE SAINT,  with Stuart Damon in the role that eventually went to Tony Curtis. Despite the immediate  failure of THE PERSUADERS  here, the John Barry instrumental theme is still a beloved hit in France to this day (where it is known as AMICALEMENT VOTRE) and the show remains unaccountably popular overseas.  (Trivia tidbit: Roger Moore also designed the wardrobe on the show. He went from THE PERSUADERS straight into James Bond)

The Perfect PublishAmerica Author

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I got this email today:

Hello Lee!  I just received a contract from PA today!  I was wondering if I sent
you my query if maybe you knew of someone more reputable who would be interested
in my work?

People this dumb deserve PublishAmerica. And Dr. Laura. Here’s how I replied:

You have to be joking, right? If you suspect PublishAmerica isn’t
reputable, why would you bother submitting your book to them? Why would you care
if they sent you a contract or not? It’s junk mail. And why would you ask me to
find a publisher for you?
 
I don’t want to see your query. It’s not up to me to get your book sold,
it’s up to you. Or your agent. I’m an author. My job is selling MY books.
 
Finding a reputable publisher isn’t hard. Walk into a bookstore. Look at
the spines of the books on the shelf. Jot the down the name and address of the
publisher (which you can find on the copyright page).  Look them up in the
Writers Market. Look at their web site. Do a Google search for articles and
discussions about them. C’mon, Alisha! Make an effort!   

UPDATE: I have some doubts about whether the email was "real" or not, but I did get a reply from the author today:

Okay, okay!  Sorry to have bothered you.  Please keep in mind that this is the
first book I have ever written, and, obviously, I am not real knowledgeable on
getting it published.  By the way, I did not submit my manuscript to Publish
America knowing that they were not reputable.  I did, however, have the common
sense to do a search before signing the contract.  Thank you for your time.

Why Me?

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I got this email today:

My name is Brad Burchards, a Publishing Consultant with Xlibris, and I would like to inquire if you have any current manuscript or works in progress where you have plans of publishing it once you have completed it.   Here’s a brief intro of our company and services we offer. Xlibris is one of the original and leading print-on-demand publishing service providers. Print-on-demand means that we can publish a book in  as little as one (copy) to as many as a thousand, depending on you -the author. Our publishing costs are as
follows…

I don’t know what made Brad think I’d be interested in his pitch. What mailing list from hell did they harvest my name from? (I’ve asked him… we’ll see what he says*) Their slogan is "Write your own success," but it should be, "write us a check."

For aspiring writers turned down by every publisher on earth, but still desperate to get their rejected novel into print at any cost,  xLibris will gladly print up your book for $500-1600, depending on what services you’d like. That price doesn’t include the extra charge for their various "marketing" tools like "bookmarks, memo pads, postcards, and business
cards which you can send to friends, family or leave at bookstores, libraries,
etc.."

Yeah, that’s a good idea.  Leave bookmarks for your self-published xlibris novel at libraries. We all know how much librarians appreciate having junk mail left on their counters or handed out to their patrons. And what better place to try to sell your book than a library, where  people go to borrow books without buying them? What incredible marketing savvy!

I don’t think I’ll have xlibris publish my book, but I think I’ll call my buddy Brad for some more of his brilliant marketing tips.

(PS – Brad calls himself a "publishing consultant." What is that? What do publishing consultants do? I’ve never heard of them before. Is that a real job? Are there kids today who dream of one day becoming a "publishing consultant?" Is that like being a "media consultant," "style consultant," or a "tax consultant?" Is he an expert on publishing who lends his astonishing expertise, his wise counsel, to publishing companies and authors? I don’t think so. I think maybe he doesn’t consult about publishing at all. I think…and I’m going out on a limb here…what he does is try to sell you publishing services.  In which case, shouldn’t he call himself a  "publishing salesman?" )

*UPDATE – I heard from Brad. I asked him what mailing list from hell he harvested my name from. Here was his reply:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

We are sending out e-mails to all authors to advertise our publishing services, basically the e-mail addresses have been generated by our research team. I do apologize it this might have disturbed you in any way.

Cover Story 2

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Dm6Here’s the cover for the sixth DIAGNOSIS MURDER novel, which will be out in February 2006. The cover quote at the top, which is the same one they used for DM #5: THE PAST TENSE (which will be out this August) will change. They will be using one from Janet Evanovich instead.

Cover Story

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MonkrevisedI started writing the second MONK book today…and whenever I get stuck, which is about every five minutes, I glance at the just-arrived cover of MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE to remind myself that I’ve been in this exact same situation before. That’s  one reason why I keep a few of my published books, and the tentative covers, amidst the mess on my desk…as little visual and tactile reminders that whatever creative woes I am experiencing today I have experienced before and not to lose confidence. All that whining aside, what do you think of the cover?

Finally…

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…somebody is airing reruns of HARRY O and SPENSER FOR HIRE, two of my favorite (and little seen) PI shows. Set your Tivos, folks, because TVSquad reports that later this month TVLand is celebrating Warner Brothers Television with a marathon thatalso  includes 77 SUNSET STRIP and LOVE SIDNEY.

Is that a new RWA rule in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

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Booksquare reports that The Romance Writers of America have passed a new rule barring the national and chapter websites from linking to authors with certain objectionable images or words on their bookcovers or on their sites/blogs.

… it’s pretty clear
the Board has never once, in their entire lives, taken a gander at the average
romance novel cover. If so, they’d realize they have just eliminated 99.9% of
all covers:

With respect to all RWA programs and services, the following shall not be
depicted or represented: exposed male and female genitalia, exposed female
nipples, cunnilingus and fellatio, hands or mouth covering naked female breasts,
naked or g-string-clad buttocks, and beastiality. The following words: cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, will not be
displayed.

The president of RWA has clarified this regulation, saying this means (and we
quote):

. . .if we wish to retain our charter with RWA, we will no longer be able to
show jacket covers that don’t meet the standard and we can’t even link to the
websites of those authors who might show their own covers, have excerpts that
include certain language, or lead to the publisher’s website.”

So if their rules say they can’t link to any site that has the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit and tit, then they can’t even publish this rule on their own site since, by definition, it means printing the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit.

That said, I’d like to belong to any writers organization progressive enough to have the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit in their rules for anything.  I’m pretty sure there isn’t a rule in the Mystery Writers of America or the Writers Guild that includes the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but I think there should be.  Imagine what DEADWOOD would be like without the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit. Or Harry Potter.  Or our National Anthem.

You can’t use the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but it’s okay to use the following words and phrases instead:
his throbbing maleness, adoring his gargantuan manhood,  heavenly cave
of feminine delight, give me some of that hot monkey love,  butt hole pirate, poop,
and swelling bosom.

I guess they won’t be linking to my site. I don’t use the words  cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but I’ve got a big Dick on the cover of most of my books.

UPDATE : My brother Tod has some thoughts about this new rule, too, the one that forbids certain images and words like cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, though he doesn’t use cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit anywhere in his post (which is a word that, incidentally, is an acceptable alternative for cock)
   

The Metaphor Challenged

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Some writers should be forbidden by law from using metaphors.  This example of a felony metaphor abuse was perpetrated in today’s New York Times by Thomas Friedman, author of THE EARTH IS FLAT.

Indeed, there is a huge famine breaking out all over India today, an incredible hunger. But it is not for food. It is a hunger for opportunity that  has been pent up like volcanic lava under four decades of socialism, and it’s now just bursting out with India’s young generation.