My Blog

Scam of the Month

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It’s been a while since I’ve had a scam-of-the-month, so maybe I should call this Scam of the Quarter?

Anyway,  a whole bunch of folks have emailed me today about the insipid "Book Millionaire" scam. Seems there’s this get-rich-quick marketeer named Lori Prokop who is the host, executive producer, and co-creator (with her sister) of a new reality show called "Book Millionaire" ( she’s "extremely excited to be executive producer and co-creator" of the show.  And let me just say that I’m extremely excited to be writing this post on this blog).

Lori is, of course, the author of Awaken Your Million-Dollar Intuition, Enlightened Intelligence ,I Could Have Quit $10 million Ago,  and Jesus Teenager: How To Be The Coolest Kid Around and other books you’ve never heard of.  But who else could possibilty more qualified to host this show?  Oh yes, the show.  I was so swept up in awe with Lori and her amazing accomplishments, I almost forgot all about it. Here’s the pitch (Italicized comments are mine):

Eight people with dreams of seeing their book ideas become published and
being the next author launched to best selling and celebrity status will meet
Book Millionaire’s Publishing Committee during July 2005 to start filming
of Book Millionaire Reality TV Show.

Here’s your chance to
finally become America’s next Best Selling Author and Reality Show TV
Celebrity!  We are scouting for the next group of candidates [The next group? There hasn’t been a first group yet]  for America’s
hottest new reality show [How can it be America’s hottest reality show if it hasn’t even aired yet?]. Act now. We launch people to best selling and celebrity status. [They do? Who??] Picture
yourself featured on national television where millions of potential viewers
listen to you about your story, writings, book or book-to-be and you have the
chance to prove you have what it takes to be America’s next published Best
Selling Author and Book Millionaire.

In the first season, the Candidate Authors will be split into
multiple teams. They will compete in real-world book promotion assignments.
Prominent companies  and currently published books [Lori’s books, of course!] will also be part of the
tasks . Viewers will watch the drama unfold as the tests reveal Candidate Authors
personalities, marketing skills, creativity, result-producing talents and
abilities for working on a team with others they may or may not get along with.

Viewers will feel the excitement of intense tasks and growing
stakes as the doors to publishing success open. The Candidates’ goal is to be 
The One [Not to be confused with The Jesus Teenager] who is headed to press . Each week one Candidate Author
will hear the dreaded words, “The doors to publishing have closed.”[What refreshing originality, Lori] With the
show climaxing in the final episode when one Candidate Author will hear, “You’re
Published!” [By Best Seller Publishing, no doubt, but more on that later]

The winner of Book Millionaire will be granted the ultimate
dream — to enjoy the lifestyle of being a successfully published author. And
they will receive additional prizes to help achieve the goal of Best Selling and
Celebrity Status [You won’t actually be a bestseller or a celebrity, but you’ll get a nifty certificate redeemable for status] and becoming America’s next Book Millionaire [Though you won’t actually get a million dollars].

Book Millionaire is being aired on cable nationwide Fall
2005.

Imagine achieving the "lifestyle of a successfully published author." Let me give you a taste of what you can hope for:  I had El Pollo Loco for lunch today, picked up my daughter at school, and got a haircut. Will they get to do that? I think not. I’ve earned those perks the hard way, pal. They’ll also get additional prizes to help towards the goal  of Celebrity Status, something I bet Lori knows a lot about. I know I wake up every day and ask myself  "Gosh, what can I do today to achieve my goal of Celebrity Status? I think I’ll say something nasty about fanfic."

What Lori hopes you’ll do, of course, is go to one of her get-rich-quick seminars, get-rich-quick books, get-rich-quick tapes, hire her for qet-rich-quick consulting or  pay her to publish your book through her get-rich-quick vanity press, Best Seller Publishing. 

Look for "Book Millionaire" to show up as Paid Programming on a local cable channel near you, sometime around 2 a.m. between the infomercial for the The Meat Syringe and Ron Jeremy interviewing porn stars who use  Y-Bron, "the natural viagra."

History Repeating

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TimetunnelZap2it reports that the SciFi Channel is developing a TV series remake of producer Irwin Allen’s TIME TUNNEL… a one-season wonder on ABC decades ago (Fox shot a revival  pilot in 2002 but never aired it). Then again, SciFi has had great success reviving another, decades old, one-season wonder on ABC: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

One Book, One City — Wasserman, Take Notes

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There was a big feature in today’s Los Angeles Times Calender section about Walter Mosley —  his Easy Rawlins mystery LITTLE SCARLET has been chosen as the first book in  LA’s ambitious "One Book, One City"  program.

For the entire month of April, Angelenos will be encouraged to read the "Little
Scarlet" book, stepping into Easy Rawlins’ shoes, which will take them back to
1965 Los Angeles to sort through the debris of the Watts riots.

All
manner of city-sponsored events are scheduled — from library discussions and
drop-in signings to a town meeting session and a bus tour of Easy Rawlins’ L.A.
The roster is so extensive (even Los Angeles Police Chief William J. Bratton
wants to meet with him) that Mosley, who now makes his home in New York, will be
moving into an apartment in town for a sizable portion of the month so he can
participate.

Out of ALL the books written about LA by Los Angelenos, they chose a mystery novel (and a fine one at that) as a reflection of our city. You’d think this would send a strong message to Steve Wasserman, editor of the LA Times Book Review, about how important mystery novels are to LA readers and how, in many ways, they are an integral part of the our local literary  culture and heritage. 

You wouldn’t know from reading the LA Times Book Review, of course, where mysteries and thrillers are given scant attention at best…grudgingly.  A local newspaper is supposed to reflect the interests, culture, and issues of the community it serves…as well as inform, entertain, and provoke.  The numbingly dull Book Review is written for some mythical populace of transplanted East Coast snobs who believe the books on LA Times bestseller list (which is regularly dominated by mysteries and thrillers) reflect the reading tastes of illiterate  heathens who need to be educated.

I’m pleased that "One Book, One City" has inaugerated their program by not only choosing to honor a mystery writer… but the latest book in a long-running series. 

Go After the Parents

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Every day there’s a new, sickening revelation in the Michael Jackson case…not about the singer, but about the repugnant parents and guardians of the boys he’s alleged to have sexually abused.  It’s not like the parentsy didn’t know what was going on… in fact, it appears from their testimony that they gladly traded their children for money, jewelry, trips and the opportunity to be near a celebrity. Take the testimony recounted in today’s LA Times story for example. Here are some excerpts:

The mother of a 13-year-old boy who accused Michael Jackson of molesting him in
1993 described how a sobbing and trembling Jackson talked her into allowing her
son to share his bed dozens of times, at home and on vacations to Monaco,
Florida, Las Vegas and New York.

The mother said she refused to let her son sleep with Jackson during earlier
visits to the singer’s Neverland ranch, but permitted him to stay in Jackson’s
room that night. The next day, Jackson took the family to a show and gave the
mother a Cartier bracelet, she said.

For the next several months, Jackson
and the boy were frequent companions, the mother said. The pop star traveled to
the family’s Santa Monica home and slept with the boy about 30 times, she said.
He would leave when the boy went to school and return after school, she said.
She also said she let him sleep with Jackson during unaccompanied visits to
Neverland in the Santa Ynez Valley.

Jackson also continued to shower the
mother with gifts, she said, including more jewelry and a $7,000 gift
certificate to the Fred Segal boutique. He also gave her his credit card to use
on shopping trips, she said.

On Monday, the mother testified that she initially didn’t think there was
anything wrong with her son sleeping with Jackson. She ended up losing custody
of the boy and has not spoken to him in 11 years, she said.

Santa Barbara
County Dist. Atty. Tom Sneddon asked whether she regretted the decision she made
to let her son start sleeping with Jackson. The woman blinked several times,
appearing to fight back tears, before answering: "Very much so."

And she wonders why her son hasn’t talked to her in 11 years… gee, could it be because she pimped him out to an alleged child molester in return for a credit card? What does she miss more, her son or the trips to Monaco?

If Jackson is found guilty, the prosecutors should go after the greedy, disgusting parents of his victim’s…

Your Great Idea for a TV Series

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I get asked this so often, that I suppose its worth answering the question yet again. I received this email today:

In my search for bible writing info, I came across your site and read the ongoing discussion about series bibles.   I’m a beginning writer and have come up with what I think maybe a very good idea for a television series. The only series bible I can find is for He-Man and it’s hard to relate that to
what I’m writing.   I’ve found only tidbits of information about what is
included in a bible. I really want to know how a bible is structured – what to
put in and leave out.  I know you’re an experienced writer with an understanding
of all the formats of television, books and film.   I’d be extremely grateful
for any information you could give me – websites, books or just an email with helpful info.

I replied that I have several bibles, also known as writers guidelines, available on my website and in my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING. That said, it’s a complete and utter waste of your time to write one. Networks and studios don’t buy bibles… they buy scripts and they buy experience. Ideas are cheap, execution is everything. No one cares about your idea. No one is interested in hearing it. No one will buy a series from you until you have established yourself as a writer. Stick the idea in a drawer and wait until someone at a studio or network approaches you and says "Hey, have any great ideas for a TV series?" That’s the hard truth.

UPDATE 4-13-05:  I got a response this morning from the person who posed the question. Here it is:

Thanks for the sobering message.  Is that true for everything? Even animated comedic
television shows?

Yes. There’s a saying in TV… ideas are cheap, execution is everything. What the networks are buying aren’t ideas, they are buying the people who  execute the ideas (their experience, reputation, etc.). A series about homicide  cops in NY isn’t a great idea… Steven Bochco doing a series about homicide  cops in NY is. They bought Bochco, not the idea. A season of a TV
series costs $50 million — they aren’t going to entrust that money to someone who doesn’t have the experience to pull it off. I know what you’re thinking… I’ll pitch my idea to someone with experience and they can sell it. The thing  is, the people with experience want to sell their own ideas because, for years,
they have been toiling on other people’s shows, itching for a chance to do something of their own. Besides, creating your own show, and owning a piece of it, is where the money is.   
Why would they want to share that with you?

In the case of an animated comedy show, the creators have usually proven themselves, and had great success,  elsewhere…either with animated shorts, features, games, comic books, etc. Matt  Groening had a hit comic strip… and then a series of hit shorts on TRACY  ULLMAN SHOW….and that led to THE SIMPSONS.

Hard Placement

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I saw FEVER PITCH today and, to give you an idea how involving the film was, the only bit that sticks with me was the prominent placement of George Pelecano’s book HARD REVOLUTION in a scene. It was displayed on a high school secretary’s desk, full cover forward. I wonder whether the publisher paid for this product placement, or if Pelecano is a friend of the Farrelly Brothers (who directed the movie).

A Romance Blogstorm

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I don’t read romances, but I love reading my sister-in-law Wendy’s blog about the field. It turns out Wendy has the Goldberg family touch for creating controversy. The other day, Wendy wrote about her disappointment  with Romancing the Blog, a blog of web columnists who explore  the romance genre.

I love the idea of RTB. I want the excitement I felt at first to
continue. No, actually, I want there to
be a reason for that excitement. When
RTB launched it quickly became my first web stop of the day. I couldn’t wait to see who posted and what
they had to say. Now it’s something I
get around to, more from habit that interest. Sylvia’s post
about the online romance community was the first column that held my attention
in…I can’t remember when.

I don’t expect the earth to move
everytime I click on a blog, any blog.  But, with all possibilites RTB promises,
I expect them to deliver more often than not.  That’s it. The almost unvarnished truth.

Her post seems pretty tame to me, but it apparently sparked a blogstorm of controversy and led  novelist Alison Kent to reveal herself as one of RTB’s anonymous founders. Helen Kay writes today about the brouhaha (don’t you just love that word? It’s like a diabolical villain’s laugh…"Today, Mr. Bond, I will rule the world! BrouHAHA!").

Congrats to Wendy for
having the guts to blog about RTB even though she knew it put her butt on the
line.  She’s a grown-up and can speak for herself but I do want to say something
– despite what some comments have suggested, she didn’t do it just to be
controversial.  She did it because she is excited about the concept of RTB and
wants it to be successful and, yes, sometimes that means RTB needs to be
controversial too.  She pointed out it also needs to be diverse and relevant and
interesting.  Constructive criticisms not snarkiness.  She is allowed to have an
opinion and should be able to do so without having her motives questioned.

Now I think it’s time for Wendy to talk about fanfiction, vanity presses, the LA Times Book Review, and people who call themselves "pre-published authors."

Another Day in FanFic

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Meljean Brook readily admits that her DC Comics-based  fanfic is a violation of copyright…but that she writes them anyway.

The first question is: isn’t it illegal?

Yes. There’s no
getting around that. I am using copyrighted characters, and using them
to write stories. The characters are owned by DC Comics, the copyrights
are current and valid….

And yet I wrote them anyway.

Don’t I have any sensibilities?
Any notion of right and wrong? Any inkling of what it is to own a
character? Why copyright infringement is a horrible thing to do?

The answer is: Yes. I do. Stealing ideas and claiming them as my own is the worst form of plagiarism.

I
don’t claim them as my own—I know exactly where the credit for their
creation lies. Did I write them? Yes. Do I own them? Nope. Anyone who
wants them can have them.

Does that little disclaimer at the
beginning of every fic that says "I don’t make any money from these"
absolve me of responsibility? No, I still violated copyrights.

So if she has so much respect for copyright, why did she do it? Because she simply couldn’t help herself.

Using someone else’s character and making that character behave in ways
the creator/copyright holder would never have condoned/conceived is
revolting. How dare I write about Batman and Wonder Woman becoming
romantically linked? How dare I write a slash fiction parody involving
Batman and Superman?

The answer is: I didn’t know what else to
do. I’m a writer—I may not be a very good one, but it is what I do.
When Batman and Wonder Woman grabbed a hold of me, they didn’t let go,
and I had to write it. There were stories in my head, and I told them
on paper like I do every other story in my head.

And because I’m a geek, and because I had no one else to talk to about this, I put it on the Internet.

I’ve heard a lot of inane justifications for writing fanfic, but this is the winner. She knows she’s using characters that aren’t her own, that she’s disrespecting the authors right to control their own creations, but none of that really matters… because she’s "a writer," so she had no other choice but to write the story and post it in the net.  She had to do it. It was an undeniable compulsion.

Because she’s "a writer."

No, Meljean, you’re not. You don’t have the slightest inking of what it means to be a writer or any respect for other writers.  A writer creates characters and stories  and respects the creative rights of his colleagues. You are a plagiarist. A creative parasite. To call yourself "a writer" to justify your creative theft and Internet publication of your work disrespects every real writer you steal from.

Now I know what you’re going to say…"I used fanfic to learn my craft. I am a writer now. A professional writer. I have a novella coming out from Berkley and I’m working on a novel.   So there!"

Uh-huh.

So why do you still proudly post all your fanfic on your site? A real writer would have more respect for her peers. A real writer — an adult —  would know better.

Grow up already.

Things Not to Say in a Creative Writing Class

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My Brother Tod lays out the five things students shouldn’t bring up when discussing each other’s work in his creative writing classes. I like #4:

4. The word theme. See motif. And then get your head out of your ass.
Who cares about theme? I mean, really, when you walk into Barnes &
Noble, do you say, "I’d like to find a book today with a really good
theme," or when you see an ad on TV for a new movie like, say, Sahara,
do you immediately begin wondering about how cool the theme will be?
No. No you don’t. Do you know why? Because it is bullshit you learned
in high school because your teacher was lazy. I had a student last
quarter that I rather liked personally, but her story suffered because
she kept talking about getting the metaphor and theme right, until
finally I said, "Who gives a fuck about theme and metaphor? Let’s see a
show of hands." No one raised their hands — well, okay, one person
did, but she dropped the class with two weeks left, so she doesn’t
count — and I said, "No one gives a fuck about theme and metaphor
except high school English teachers." I then remembered, uh, yeah, she
was a high school English teacher.

By the way,  the total Fuck Count in the entirety of Tod’s post (ie the number of times the word fuck appears) is:  6. The Fuck Count should not be confused with the Fucktard Count, since fuckard is an entirely different word.

To Pitch or Spec

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If you’re a professional screenwriter with a great idea for a movie…should you go out and pitch the idea or write it as a spec? Traditional wisdom is that you’re better off writing it. But  screenwriter (and WGA Board Member) Craig Mazin thinks otherwise.

I think pitching is almost always the way to go. Admittedly, I’m a bit biased here.  I like pitching. I
think I’m good at it, and I’ve had success doing it. Every original
screenplay I’ve ever written was first sold as a pitch. In fact, in ten
years of professional screenwriting, I have written a sum total of zero
spec screenplays…

…I pitch my original stories because I’m selling more than words…I’m
selling a total service. I want to be the man they can trust to
shepherd the story of the movie from the first draft to the locking of
the last reel. I want to be the writer they recognize as a partner,
with all of the rights and obligations that go along with that word. I
want to be someone who offers them a chance in a “what if?” and all of
the excitement and possibility that goes along with that, rather than
someone who gives them a “what it is”, and who then must struggle to
change my identity from “author of 120 pages I bought” to “story teller
of a movie I’m making”.

Personally, since I hate doing anything on spec, out of sheer laziness I would lean towards pitching instead…besides, I enjoy pitching.