Three Ways to Die

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Three Ways to DieI've only written and published three short stories in my career — "Jack Webb's Star," "Remaindered," and "Bumsickle" — and just for fun I've bundled them all into THREE WAYS TO DIE, a collection that's now available for a mere 99 cents on the Kindle.  

"Jack Webb's Star" originally appeared in the anthology Hollywood and Crime. "Bumsickle" originally appeared in the anthology Fedora III. And "Remaindered" originally appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine and was a Reader's Choice Award finalist (It's also been available as a download on Amazon for a few years now).  

Here's what some critics had to say about one of the stories…

"Lee Goldberg's 'Jack Webb's Star' is a riotous caper crime with a nasty twist that starts in a traffic school class in the Taft building, where among the offenders is a hapless man ticketed for drunk driving in his wheelchair…"
—Los Angeles Times 

"Editor Robert Randisi solicited more than a dozen familiar crime-fictionists to contribute their own Tinseltown tales to this volume. Among the best are Lee Goldberg’s clever 'Jack Webb’s Star'” – January Magazine 

"Veteran television screenwriter Lee Goldberg has some fun with a small screen legend in 'Jack Webb's Star'" – Booklist

 "Top billing should go to Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch story, 'Suicide Run,' and to Lee Goldberg's 'Jack Webb's Star'—the former for the detection and the latter for biggest laughs," Publisher's Weekly 

Two Great Books

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Dboling-390-Guernica_cover I've read two great books in the last couple of weeks but never got around to reviewing them here… Sara Gruen's WATER FOR ELEPHANTS and Dave Boling's GUERNICA. Of the two, I'd say it's GUERNICA that has stuck with me the most. I really loved it, even if I did see the big plot twist coming hundreds of pages away. 

I was lured to GUERNICA by the ads in the London subway that featured blurbs comparing it to CORELLI'S MANDOLIN and BIRDSONG, two other books that I really liked. So I ran out to buy it, thinking I'll never find the book at home…of course, it turns out to be a UK reprint of a U.S. book by a Washington state sports writer. No matter, I devoured it on the flight home. So I guess the lesson here is that subway ads actually work.

My Mom recommended WATER FOR ELEPHANTS to me, and it was my sister Karen who recommended it to her. So I figured it had to be good. It was. 

Both books are historical epics of a sort. WATER FOR ELEPHANTS is set in the present-day, with an elderly man remembering his youth in a low-end, traveling circus in the early part of the last century.

GUERNICA follows the history of the town, from the mid-1800s through its devastation during the Spanish Civil War, from the perspectives of several colorful characters. Both books are filled with their fair share of melodrama, humor, and tragedy…and are utterly compelling, highly entertaining reads.

Listen But Don’t Watch?

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The NBC series THE LISTENER, the latest Canadian-produced import on a major American network, isn't getting a warm critical reception so far. Variety savaged it, saying…

There's nothing wrong with U.S. networks picking up the occasional Canadian import, but to have a chance at working, such a show can't be as bland and colorless as "The Listener," which NBC is throwing onto Thursdays with a back-to-back episode launch. Built around a young paramedic with the telepathic ability to hear thoughts, the show looks chintzy, isn't particularly well acted and feels plucked from the 1970s. […]Canada remains a favorite destination for U.S. filming, but in terms of programs flowing in this direction, they ought to have more going for them than simply being in English, eh? "

The Chicago Sun Times was equally unkind.

Craig Olejnik, the Canadian who plays Toby, is down to earth and likably mumbly. His light blue eyes are so piercing you may forget that his special skill isn't X-ray vision. But he's supported by writing and characters that may induce eye-rolling. Take this line, delivered by Colm Feore as Toby's mentor: "You don't have to read my mind to know that I'm worried about you."

Newsday called it "listless" while taking a jab at Canadian TV as a whole:

One does not come to summer TV on a major network to have one's world rocked, and one most certainly does not come to Canadian TV for the same. The Canadians make nice TV – pleasant, intelligent TV, where people, even the bad guys, are civil and fundamentally decent. In a word, "The Listener" is boring.

Despite all the negative reviews here, the show has reportedly been a big hit overseas, so whether or not THE LISTENER does well for NBC this summer, it's likely to continue into a second season.

UPDATE 6-3-07: Even the Canadians are lukewarm on the show. For example, The Globe & Mail says it's "unbelievably bland."

This is a pity, because it's the second Canadian-made series in recent times to make the breakthrough and land on a U.S. network in prime time. Like Flashpoint before it, The Listener is set in Toronto, and Toronto features prominently, like an extra character. But The Listener is no Flashpoint . It lacks anything approaching gripping drama, for a start.

Tom Shales at the Washington Post says:

Near the hour's end, Toby laments of his gift that "all my life I told myself . . . 'Make it go away,' " and many a viewer will be wishing the same thing for the series.

The Boston Globe was even more brutal:

NBC gives us another excuse to close our borders: the Canadian import “The Listener."

UPDATE 6-5-07: The Listener did great in the ratings in its Canadian premiere but according to MediaWeek, it didn't fare too well in the U.S. in its NBC, double-episode debut:

There weren’t many viewers watching, or hearing, the debut of NBC’s “The Listener” last night, which aired against tough competition from the NBA finals on ABC and the night’s top-rated non-sports show, Fox’s “So You Think You Can Dance.”
“Listener” averaged a 1.4 adults 18-49 rating from 9 to 11 p.m., according to Nielsen overnights, finishing last in its timeslot among the Big Four networks.
The show sank slightly, from a 1.5 to a 1.4, from its first to its second hour, and it lost a good chunk of its 8 p.m. lead-in, “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!,” which averaged a 1.9 rating.

Beeb Cuts U.S. Fare

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A few days ago, I pointed out that U.S. shows aren't being embraced as warmly as they once were over-seas, mostly because foreign nets don't have the cash to spend. Now the BBC is saying they are cutting back on U.S. fare…but for creative and cultural reasons.

Jay Hunt, who took over as controller of BBC1 around a year ago, will instead continue to invest the bulk of her drama budget in locally produced fare such as "Doctor Who" and high concept hits like "Life on Mars."

 "Part of what the Charter (the BBC's constitution) commits us to is to find the best of world television and showcase it…but my main job in drama is to spearhead real innovation and creativity in original British production. This is something we do day in and day out. We have an incredible drama story on BBC1, with high-concept pieces and period drama."

Take a Walk on the Kindle

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WalkCoverMy 2004 novel THE WALK is now available on the Kindle for a mere $1.40. I hope you'll download it for your next airplane trip, subway ride, or visit to the bathroom. 

Here's what the book is about…

It's one minute after the Big One. Marty Slack, a TV network executive, crawls out from under his Mercedes, parked outside what once was a downtown Los Angeles warehouse, the location for a new TV show. Downtown LA is in ruins. The sky is thick with black smoke. His cell phone is dead. The freeways are rubble. The airport is demolished. Buildings lay across streets like fallen trees. It will be days before help can arrive.
Marty has been expecting this day all his life. He's prepared. In his car are a pair of sturdy walking shoes and a backpack of food, water, and supplies. He knows there is only one thing he can do … that he must do: get home to his wife Beth, go back to their gated community on the far edge of the San Fernando Valley.
All he has to do is walk. But he will quickly learn that it's not that easy. His dangerous, unpredictable journey home will take him through the different worlds of what was once Los Angeles. Wildfires rage out of control. Flood waters burst through collapsed dams. Natural gas explosions consume neighborhoods. Sinkholes swallow entire buildings. After-shocks rip apart the ground. Looters rampage through the streets.
There's no power. No running water. No order.
Marty Slack thinks he's prepared. He's wrong. Nothing can prepare him for this ordeal, a quest for his family and for his soul, a journey that will test the limits of his endurance and his humanity, a trek from the man he was to the man he can be … if he can survive The Walk. 

Here's what some of the critics had to say…

 "Harrowing and funny…"
—Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine 

 "Lee Goldberg's hard-to-classify but not-be-missed The Walk, set in the aftermath of a major Los Angeles earthquake, pokes fun at the TV industry in the midst of disaster…"
—Jon Breen, The Year In Mystery and Crime Fiction 2004

Mr. Monk News

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Two things — first off, I'd like to announce the winners of the MR. MONK AND THE DIRTY COP galley giveaway. I wrote  all the names of the entrants on slips of paper, put them in a MONK baseball cap, and randomly plucked out two winners. They are:

M. Pezzella of Lincolnshire, Illinois
Andrea Mesich of Muskego, WI

Congratulations to you both! The other news is that the paperback edition of MR. MONK IS MISERABLE, the best-selling title so far in the MONK book series, is coming to your favorite bookstore this week. If you missed the hardcover, now is your chance t0 catch-up on Adrian Monk's latest adventure before MR. MONK AND THE DIRTY COP comes out in July.

Seven Weeks

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UK-based Writer/producer Stephen Gallagher takes you step-by-step through the seven weeks between the initial conception of an ELEVENTH HOUR episode idea and the start of filming. His experience is typical of American episodic television production…and very, very different from the way things are done in the UK…where the same process can take months, if not longer.

Here’s the nub of it. It looks fast and scary. But for the writer, the actual amount of work in turning out an hour-long script for American TV barely differs from that involved in creating script for a UK hour. The difference is that the US system edits out the soul-destroying longueurs between stages, while your script sits on someone’s desk or some executive disappears on holiday. It’s the same act of writing, but you get to do it in real time; and because of that, you don’t run the risk of anyone – you included – falling out of love with what you’re doing.

Bend

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Writer/producer Lisa Klink, elaborating on Bill Rabkin's great essay on crafting spec scripts, passes along some important advice to aspiring TV writers. Yes, creativity is important. Yes, writing skill is important. Yes, people skills are important. But all of that won't move you forward in the television business unless you possess the most important talent of all: flexibility.

Which isn’t the same as spinelessness. You have to be willing to fight for the key elements which make your script work. You also have to be willing to change or even throw out elements you love if they’re not really crucial. Or affordable. Want to make yourself indispensable to a showrunner? Be the writer who can take any mess of an idea, stupid studio notes or ridiculous budget restrictions and still crank out a gem of a script.

Jutting Breasts and Willing Hips

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I prowl by night James Reasoner has posted a terrific article by Brian Ritt about pulp author Orrie Hitt. Here's an excerpt: 

His women were too hot to handle, ex-virgins, frigid wives, sin dolls, wayward girls, torrid cheats, easy women, frustrated females, inflamed dames and, most often, trapped. Their names were Sheba, Sherry, Honey, Candy, Cherry, Betty French, and Lola Champ. They used what they had to use to make a buck–limited opportunities left them few other choices. They were duped and deceived, approached and abandoned.

Meet one of Hitt's women: "Jutting breasts, a flat stomach, willing hips, anxious thighs and legs that demanded all of the man in me, bringing to both of us an ancient pleasure which never grew old."
—Man-Hungry Female, Novel Books, 1962, pg. 127

Hitt wrote two novels a month (a pace James Reasoner could certainly appreciate, if not match), writing from 7 a.m until the late afternoon, stopping only twenty minutes for lunch. He wrote 145 books from 1953-1964. Most of his books were "sleazy" paperback originals, written under a variety of pseudonyms.  

His research allowed him to write convincingly enough so that author Susan Stryker, in her book Queer Pulp: Perverted Passions from the Golden Age of the Paperback, says, "Only one actual lesbian, Kay Addams, writing as Orrie Hitt, is known to have churned out semipornographic sleaze novels for a predominantly male audience." Stryker actually thinks "Orrie Hitt" is a pseudonym, and "Kay Addams" is a real lesbian author! I'm sure Orrie'd be laughing his ass off about that one.

I really enjoy reading about hard-working pulp authors like Harry Whittington and Orrie Hitt — both of whom were far better writers than they were given credit for because of the genres they toiled in and their astonishing productivity.