A Day in the Life

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In many ways, today was pretty much a typical working day when I'm not on a show. 

I began by returning a call from Germany from Peter Bondy, the writer who translates my MONK books for my German publisher. He had some questions about MR. MONK IS MISERABLE, which is he just about finished translating. I alway enjoy talking to him and really appreciate that he takes the extra effort to double-check names, jokes, and references with me before making any changes. 

I answered some emails and then I called a studio executive to make sure he had everything he needed on the written version of a series treatment before he takes it out to possible c0-production partners in January. He did. I wished him a happy holiday and we made plans to touch base in the new year.

I spent the next a few hours rewriting the MONK pages I wrote last night, had a quick lunch, and went to the post office to mail copies of my MR. MONK IS MISERABLE book to the folks mentioned in the acknowledgments. I picked up my daughter from school and came home.

I opened a fresh Diet Coke, grabbed a handful of almonds, and  made some small fixes in a screenplay at the request of the producers who optioned it from me. They are about to send it out to some actors for a holiday read and there were a few scenes involving one character that needed to be slightly tweaked. That took an hour or two.

And then I started writing some new pages in the MONK book. So, naturally, here I am procrastinating on my blog. I'll get back to the book once I've posted this, then I'll make dinner for my family, and write until bed time.

Tomorrow, it begins again. I'll probably start by rewriting what I wrote today, answer some emails…

The Mail I Get, Part Two

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I got the strangest piece of spam today from someone named Kelly Kilpatrick:

I'm interested in writing a guest article on your site A Writer's Life in order to increase my writing profile. I'm not sure what the process is for submitting an article for your review or if you have certain requirements, but if you're at all interested I'd appreciate you getting back to me, and I can send you an article for you to consider for publication. I'm planning on writing something related to your existing articles, but if you have something specific in mind just let me know. All I'd ask in return is a by-line with a link pointing back to my site.

Her site offers links to online educational institutions and vocational training services. I'm not linking to it because I don't what to give this woman any traffic.

What's amazing to me is that Kelly thinks that by spamming bloggers, and offering to blog for them, she will increase her "writing profile." She also seems to think that my blog is a magazine, and that people submit posts for my review. (What I actually think what she did was take her standard query letter and substitute "on your site A Writer's Life" where she'd usually insert the name of a magazine). Clearly, Kelly has never visited or read my blog. She also has no idea how to begin a career as a professional writer.

Here's a hint, Kelly: spamming strangers whose blogs you haven't seen and offering to write a post for them is not the way in. It is, however, a terrific way to increase your "idiot profile."

UPDATE: I've seen some of her brilliant blog posts, all of which link back to a variety of different sites that flog online education courses. Most of her inane articles are basically lists (Five Anti-Obama Blogs, Top Firefox Add-Ons You Need, Best On-Line Marketing Guides, etc) with an introductory paragraph. What amused me the most, however, was an article she wrote on how aspiring writers can achieve success. Here's her introduction:

Here’s the thing about writing – it doesn’t come easily to everyone. Yes, a lot of people do know how to speak well and articulate their thoughts with the élan of a skilled orator; but ask them to pen down their thoughts and they’re as out of their element as a deer caught in a pair of headlights. There are some people who have a way with words when they’re given total freedom, when they’re allowed to write on just about anything under the sun.

Apparently, she thinks the way to success is paved with cliches ("As out of their element as a deer caught in a pair of headlights,"  "Allowed to write on just about anything under the sun" etc.) but that particular piece of advice wasn't included in her list. For the record, her amazing advice included start a blog, leave comments on other blogs, and write interesting articles. Wow. I wish I had that sage advice when I was starting out.  Kelly is a writer who is like a fish out of water who is up shit creek without a paddle looking for a needle in a haystack. 

It wouldn't surprise me if "Kelly Kilpatrick" was just a pen name for several bad writers who are paid by a variety online education sites trying to draw hits to their pages.

UPDATE 2/5/09 – She's baaaak. 

Hi Lee, 

We just posted an article, "Top 100 Creative Writing Blogs." I thought I'd bring it to your attention in case you think your readers would find it interesting.

I am happy to let you know that your site has been included in this list.

Either way, thanks for your time!

Kelly

Wow. I am so honored.

Either this spam mill doesn't know that I've already trashed their activities on my blog…or they think linking to me in one of their "lists" will buy me off…or they are doing it for a laugh. Whichever it is, it's just one more indication of how inept they are.

The Mail I Get

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I got an email today from a complete stranger that began with lots of praise for me and my Monk books. Then, after buttering me up, she got to the point:

I'm a pre-published author who is destined for success. My latest book is an 80,000 word erotic-suspense-romance-thriller and I would really appreciate it if you would read the manuscript and give me your detailed critique. I would also like a blurb I could use to help sell it (I will give it prominent placement on the book when it is published). I need your comments no later than Feb. 1, 2009.

My first thought was that this was some kind of prank. But assuming for the sake of a blog post that it's not, I am astonished by the writer's chutzpah. It's ballsy enough to ask someone you don't know to read your book…but to actually give them a deadline? Maybe she thinks the possibility of having my blurb published on her book is irresistable. Her arrogance and cluelessness is rather astonishing. I can't imagine anyone responding positively to her request.  That's basically what I told her:

I'm glad that you enjoy my MONK books. While I appreciate your kind words, I'm not interested in reading your manuscript. It takes a lot of time to read and critique a manuscript…something I might do for a student in a class that I'm teaching, or a close friend, or a member of my family. But you are none of those things. You are a total stranger to me. It's already presumptuous of you to ask someone you don't know to read your raw manuscript — but demanding that they do so by some arbitrary deadline crosses the line into offensive arrogance. This may shock you, but I have a life of my own. I don't appreciate it when a stranger assumes, simply because they like my books,  that I am obligated to set my life aside for them. What were you thinking?!

I'll let you know if I hear back from this idiot.

Bloodshed Continues in NY Publishing

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Sixty four people lost their jobs today at MacMillan as the bloodshed continues in the NY publishing world.

Simon & Schuster, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt and Thomas Nelson also have announced layoffs in recent weeks. Staff reductions are likely at Random House Inc., which is undergoing a significant consolidation. Other publishers, including Macmillan, have frozen wages or deferred raises.

[…]Macmillan's publishers include St. Martin's Press, Henry Holt & Co. and Farrar, Straus & Giroux. Macmillan is owned by Verlagsgruppe Georg von Holtzbrinck, based in Stuttgart, Germany.

This is bad news for writers. The job losses in the executive suites will undoubtedly lead to dropped book contracts, fewer manuscript acquisitions, and smaller advances. I don't mean to sound too pessimistic, but this is a tough time to be a writer.

More Terminators and Crows

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The fourth TERMINATOR movie, SALVATION,  hasn't even been released yet but Variety reports that a fifth film in the franchise is already in the works for 2011 as the second in an envisioned trilogy. Christian Bale is signed to play John Connor in all three. 

In other franchise news, Variety reports that Stephen Norrington has signed on to write and direct a "reinvention" of THE CROW franchise, which produced four films and one TV series.

For Norrington, “The Crow” deal marks the end of a long screen sabbatical. After making his breakthrough with the Marvel Comics hero “Blade,” Norrington took on a big-budget comic transfer with “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.” Neither the director nor his star, Sean Connery, has made a film since. 

[…]“Whereas [director Alex] Proyas’ original was gloriously gothic and stylized, the new movie will be realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style,” Norrington told Daily Variety.

This and That

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I've been too busy to post the last couple of days. Mostly, I've been plugging away on my latest MONK book. I've taken some time out, though. Yesterday, I watched my daughter Maddie earn her black belt in Tae Kwon Do (yahoo!) and today I attended the MWA-SoCal Christmas party at the Jonathan Club in Santa Monica. While munching on tacos and fajitas, I caught up on the latest happenings with authors Paul Levine, Christa Faust, Les Klinger, and Matt Witten, among many others. The big talk around the tables was the frightening situation for writers in TV and in publishing, the dire circumstances of Borders, and NBC's decision to stop producing scripted programs at 10 p.m on weeknights. Nobody had answers, of course, but there were plenty of worries to share. It's a scary time to be a writer. But it wasn't all doom and gloom. There were plenty of funny anecdotes swapped back-and-forth, stories about new novels and projects people were working on, and the usual gossiping. 

Will the Real Nick Schenk Please Stand Up?

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Yesterday, the Los Angeles Times ran a story on Nick Schenk, a struggling Minnesota screenwriter who’d sold the first script he’d ever written, GRAN TORINO, to Clint Eastwood, who shot it without changing a word. It was an unlikely, inspiring success story.

The script was so well crafted and understated (and the credits went by so fast) that after seeing the picture, I immediately called Bill Gerber, one of the film’s producers, to find out which one of the many A-list screenwriters who must always be knocking down Eastwood’s door had penned the story.

“Are you sitting down?” Gerber asked. He had quite a surprise. The writer, Nick Schenk, who lives in Minnesota, had never sold a feature script in his life. In fact, the only writing work Schenk had done was for “BoDog Fight,” a mixed martial arts TV show, a game show called “Let’s Bowl” and some comedy sketches collected in a DVD called “Factory Accident Sex.” (“That title doesn’t exactly help my career, does it?” Schenk jokes.)
Schenk says he wrote the script, using a pen and a pad of paper, sitting at night in a bar called Grumpy’s in northeast Minneapolis.

But in today’s Daily Variety, Schenk tells a very different story.

Nick Schenk sold the first script he ever wrote. “It went to Disney and, not to date myself, but Katzenberg greenlit that thing, and when he went to Dreamworks it died that day. They had a director and it was cast — the whole works.” TV gigs and spec scripts followed.

So what’s the real story?