Guilty Pleasure

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Gordon_ramsay I am ashamed to admit it, but my favorite new show of the season is Gordon Ramsey’s KITCHEN NIGHTMARES (though I was already a fan of the BBC version). Every episode of the American version is the same — a loud-mouthed, arrogant imbecile is running a failing restaurant with an incompetent staff serving lousy food. Gordon Ramsey comes in and, using as many expletives as possible and rubbing his chin constantly, tells the loud-mouthed arrogant imbecile that he is running a failing restaurant with an incompetent staff serving lousy food. The arrogant imbecile gets offended and yells at his staff some more. Gordon Ramsey redecorates the restaurant, comes up with a new menu, and teaches the chefs how to make good food. The restaurant pulls in a crowd and succeeds…at least for the few days that the film crew is there. The arrogant imbecile promises to be less arrogant and a lot smarter and thanks Gordon for changing his life. And yet, as formulaic and repetitive as this show is, I find it addictive and ridiculously entertaining…more so than his HELL’S KITCHEN gameshow, which I got tired of after one full season and one episode of season two, and any episode of THE BIONIC WOMAN.

Snapshots

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I have just added the Snapshot widget to my blog, which gives you a "snap shot" of the webpages I’ve linked to just by passing your cursor over the link. I’ve seen it on other blogs I visit (and I like it) so I decided to try it out on mine. Let me know what you think!

Why A Strike May Be Necessary

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Howard Rodman had an excellent article today in the LA TIMES on the issues the WGA is fighting for…and why we may need to strike to get a fair deal for writers. He says, in part:

First, the companies are still refusing to raise the rate they pay in DVD residuals. […]That decades-old formula is such a thin slice of a thin slice that on each disc, the companies pay more to the manufacturer of the box and packaging (about 50 cents) than they pay in residuals to the writer, director and actors combined (about 20 cents).

[…]Published reports show that the operating income of the entertainment segments of the nation’s media conglomerates has grown at a compound annual rate of 12% between 2000 and 2006, from $8 billion to $18 billion. I guess they just don’t have enough to pay the people who made those revenues possible.

[…]What’s more, the companies refuse to let writers share appropriately in the revenue stream from material distributed over the Internet. They claim that this torrent is at present only a trickle, that there is no "business model," that this all needs to be "studied." And while they search for that elusive business model, they are offering to pay us at those antiquated fraction-of-a-fraction rates. Never mind that, even now, this unstudied trickle is making them millions: Each studio or network has cited $500 million or more a year in online revenue.

She-Wolf Memories

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The Retropolitan fondly remembers SHE-WOLF OF LONDON, a little-seen syndicated horror/comedy/romance that Bill Rabkin & I wrote and produced years ago…

The show’s biggest asset was the likability of the two leads. Going back and watching the show years later, after most of my memories had faded, I sort of expected to see a prototype “Buffy and Giles” relationship between Randi and Ian; I thought I was in for forty-odd minutes of a stuffy Brit getting dragged into adventures by his feisty American student. Perhaps that was the way that it was originally envisioned (it certainly has the set-up for it), but the show turned into something closer in spirit to a screwball comedy, with Randi and Ian flirting and grinning through their mysteries. Hodge and Dickson had great chemistry, and it was as much fun to watch them get into trouble and bicker with one another as it was to watch the ghoul-of-the-week come to life.

Not That Stupid

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I am not a master negotiator by any stretch. I get embarrassed when my wife haggles with antique dealers and I break out in a flop sweat whenever I have to buy a new car. But I’m not as stupid as the AMPTP seems to think I am. I wasn’t the least bit surprised by the timing of today’s front-page story in the LA Times about how important residuals are to writers …and the AMPTP’s subsequent announcement hours later that they’ve pulled the plan off the table in the interests of furthering negotiations.

Extending an olive branch to Hollywood’s restless writers, the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers today said it would withdraw a controversial and deeply unpopular proposal on residual payments that had threatened to derail talks on a new contract when the current one expires Oct. 31.

The action does not mean the two sides are much closer to a deal, but it does remove what had been a major stumbling block in negotiations.

"In the overriding interest of keeping the industry working and removing what has become an emotional impediment and excuse by the WGA not to bargain, the AMPTP withdrew its recoupment proposal," Nick Counter, the industry’s chief negotiator, told guild leaders this morning.

Aren’t they sweet? Aren’t they caring? Aren’t they so reasonable? All the networks and studios want in return now is for the radicals at the WGA to pull their insane demand for a larger cut of DVD and new media revenues off the table.

Is there anybody who believes for one second that the demand for a complete revamp of the residual system was anything but a negotiating ploy? It was obviously a PR stunt to manipulate the media and play on the fears of the weakest-willed of the WGA membership.

The media may be gobbling it up ("Extending an olive branch to Hollywood’s restless writers.." !?), and also a lot of anxious below-the-line crew members who will be terribly hurt by a strike, but I’m not that stupid and I hope the majority of my fellow WGA members aren’t, either.

The AMPTP’s ploy reminds me of a trick that an old mentor of mine used to pull on the network. He would always add a scene to a script that knew the network would object to. And when they did object, he would fight for the scene as if it was the most important thing in the script to him. But later, when they were arguing over another point in the script, one that really did mean something to him, he would give in on the other, hotly disputed scene. It would appear to the network that he’d given up something very important to him, that he’d made a real sacrifice, and they would relent on the other scene…which, in fact, was the only scene he really cared about. He called those fake scenes his negotiating chips…and the network never caught on to his act.

I hope the WGA negotiating committee has caught on to the AMPTP’s…and that they stick to our reasonable demands and don’t fall for this obvious and insulting ploy. I see the fight over DVD and new media revenue as nothing less than a fight for the future of our Guild…a fight as necessary as the battles fought to get us residuals in the first place.

Are these issues that I believe are worth striking over? Hell yes.

Do I want a strike? No, but so often in the past when we have caved in to the AMPTP’s pleas to cut them a break on "new media" (like video cassettes and basic cable once were) by granting them a "temporary" residual system that gives us pathetically small percentage of the revenue, we have been rewarded by being stuck with that "temporary" system for good. We have been weak, and we have been played for fools, too many times before.

It’s time now to take a stand.

Nothing

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Biodog1t I’ve seen three episodes of THE BIONIC WOMAN (including the lackluster pilot) and it’s obvious to me what the big problem with the show is: Nothing happens. I mean it. Nothing. The show is called THE BIONIC WOMAN, yet the heroine never does anything bionic…which, frankly, is the main reason why anybody would watch in the first place. The most she did in the last episode I saw was toss around a couple of bored stunt men in a nail salon (yeah, a nail salon) and wince real hard until her nose bled. That’s what passes for bionic action these days. I’d take Lindsay Wagner running in slow motion over that. Hell, I’d ever prefer to watch Maxmillion the Bionic Dog fetch a tennis ball. The new, improved, re-imagined Jaime Sommers spends the bulk of her time whining and sulking around, working out on the standing sets, and engaging in painfully forced, wanna-be GILMORE GIRLS repartee with her sister and her co-workers. It’s obvious that the producers desperately want THE BIONIC WOMAN to be a hip cross between LA FEMME NIKITA, GILMORE GIRLS and the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, but they are so busy trying to mimic the look, feel, and rhythm of those series that they’ve overlooked the most important element of any show, old, new or "re-imagined": A compelling story.

The Power of Themes

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It’s interesting to see the effect on an audience when they hear a beloved theme. The James Bond theme in a trailer always seem to elicit cheers. I still remember the enthusiastic audience reaction to just the finger-snapping theme in the trailer for for the Addams Family. The audience went wild. The STAR TREK, STAR WARS, INDIANA JONES, SHAFT, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE and Harry Potter are among the many other themes that have that same power. We have a strong, emotional reaction to theme music. It evokes not only memories of the show, but memories of who we were, and what we were doing, at the time we were watching those movies of TV shows. You can’t buy that kind of instant audience reaction (which is why I am baffled by the decision of movie-makings NOT to use the themes for WILD WILD WEST and MIAMI VICE in the movie versions).

But there’s an aspect to theme music I never thought of. I recently bought screenwriter Christopher Wood’s self-published memoir JAMES BOND, THE SPY I LOVED (which you can order from www.twentyfirstcenturypublishers.com) and in the book he makes an interesting, almost throwaway observation relating to the emotional impact of a score on the screenwriter:

Now we have the credits and the delighted writer’s name in happy proximity to a seemingly naked, somersaulting girl whilst Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song of the movie (MOONRAKER). I like this song and it is hardly surprising. There is a form of umbilical cord that binds any writer to the music from a film he has written. I only have to hear a few bars from the score of CONFESSIONS OF A POP PERFORMER and tears come to my eyes — mind you, that score brought tears to a lot of people’s eyes.

The theme to MOONRAKER is almost universally despised among Bond fans (right up there with OCTOPUSSY), and yet I can totally understand Woods’ reaction. I have that same, emotional bond with themes to the shows I have been a part of. Who but the writer of the show would love, much less remember, the totally unmemorable themes to THE COSBY MYSTERIES, THE HIGHWAYMAN, or COBRA? It’s not because the music is any good, it’s because of the memories they evoke for me and the emotional investment I made in those shows. I have a ridiculously strong attachment to the themes from SPENSER FOR HIRE, BAYWATCH, DIAGNOSIS MURDER and SEAQUEST that have nothing to do with the quality of the music. They are on my iPOD and I listen to them more often than I care to admit.

Already the score of FAST TRACK has a hold on me — and it’s only been a few weeks since we completed the movie. The music will always remind me of my summer in Berlin, making the movie, and the fun I had. It will always remind me of my trip through Europe with my family. It will always remind me of my friends in Germany and the good times we have had together over the last year. Long after the movie is gone and forgotten, the music will still have this power over me and I’m glad.

Burnt and Spent

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Reed Coleman writes in the October issue of Crimespree that he’s "burnt, seriously burnt, toasty, toasted, fried, and spent" from the grind of book promotion. He was in the midst of the BEA in New York when he finally had enough:

It was also the accumulation of the petty indignities: the tour dates when no one came, my name misspelled on book covers, press releases, and promotional posters. It was the blank stares from people who’d ask me if they’d ever heard of me […]It was all the dumb questions about when I’d be on Oprah, the dreadful panels, bad moderators, all the same old jokes. […]It was the thousands of dollars spent on rented cars, motels, bad meals, cab fare, air fare, and poured into the abyss of PR.

It’s a very honest article, one I am sure that a lot of authors can relate to. I certainly can. When I first started out, I scheduled as many signing as I could get up-and-down the West Coast and in key bookstores nationwide. I attended Bouchercon and Left Coast Crime every year and accepted just about every invitation to speak that came along. That has changed, not because I have become a bestselling author (I haven’t, not by a long shot), or because I have been traveling a lot for work lately, but because it’s not a productive use of my time or money.

I have books coming out so often, that it hardly makes sense to do more than two or three local signings for each of them – and even then, I don’t think it has any real impact on sales. Most of my novels now are tie-ins, and as much as I like to believe I have a following, I am realistic enough to know that the sales are driven by the success and promotion of the beloved TV shows they are based on. It’s the actor’s face on the cover, not my name, that is selling most of the books. But even for THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE, I didn’t set up a big book-signing schedule or attend a lot of conventions.

There are some authors I know who are at every single convention, year after year. I don’t know how they do it…or how they avoid the boredom of hearing the same advice and anecdotes over and over again (from themselves and from others). When I go to conventions now, the only panels I attend are the ones I am on…or that feature first-time authors. That’s because I know the majority of the authors at these events and I have heard them speak dozens and dozens of times at conventions, signings, seminars, etc. As clever, funny, and intelligent as they are, I have heard it all before. Some writers have become more known for their promotional efforts and panel appearances than the books they write. (It must be equally boring for the attendees. If they get bored and overly familiar with you at conventions, does that translate into boredom and over-familiarity with you as a writer? My guess is that it does).

I end up spending most of my time at conventions these days in the dealers room, at the bar, or the hallways talking to readers, booksellers, and authors. That’s fun but is it the best way to be spending my time? Probably not. With the exception of Bouchercon, where I get a chance to see my agent and editors, I can’t really justify the time and expense from a business point of view.

So I’ve skipped a lot of conventions and I have been turning down far more invitations to attend events than I have been accepting. This way, when I do show up some place, I think it’s more fun, productive, interesting and fresh for both me and the readers who are there. I can’t wait for Left Coast Crime in Hawaii in 2009. Would I be as eager to go if I’d also attended Left Coast Crime in Bristol, Seattle, and Denver, Bouchercon in Alaska and Thrillerfest in NY? I don’t think so. Reed says:

I had let myself get farther and farther away from being a writer. It had happened by the inch, in tiny, almost imperceptible, increments. Whether I’d done it gladly with eyes wide open or had it foisted upon me was beside the point. I was no longer where I wanted to be, not even close.

He’s back at the keyboard, focusing more of his energy on the writing and less on the selling. I am, too.

Emmy is a Geek

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I just got back from a night in geek heaven: the Academy of Television Arts and Science’s salute to TV Themes and Main Title Sequences. The sold-out event was held in the ATAS theatre and was hosted by Steven Bochco, Robert Vaughn, Lindsay Wagner, Maureen McCormack, William Daniels and Stacy Keach, to name a few, and included a terrific, and very funny, musical performance by John Schneider (yeah, the guy from DUKES OF HAZARD). The guests and honorees included Sherwood Schwartz, Vic Mizzy, Earle Hagen and Mike Post. Probably a hundred main title sequences were screened but the best parts of the show were my friend Jon Burlingame’s short, and often hilarious, interviews with Mizzy, Post, and Bochco. Unfortunately, I had to leave early (over two hours into the event!), in the midst of a salute to Earle Hagen, because my 12-year-old daughter (by far the youngest person in attendance) was falling asleep in her chair. It was a wonderful event and I could have sat there watching those main title sequences, and listening to the anecdotes from those amazing composers, all night long. It was just as entertaining as the two "Celebrations of Television Music"  that ATAS has sponsored at the Hollywood Bowl over the years and a lot more intimate. I  also learned a surprising fact tonight — the Emmys didn’t start giving an award for best main title song & theme until 1993. Think of all the classic themes and composers that never got the acknowledgment they deserved.