Trekkies and Kiddie Porn

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05Maclean’s Magazine investigates the revelation that a surprising number of pedophiles arrested by the Toronto Police are Trekkies:

The first thing detectives from the Toronto
police sex crimes unit saw when they entered Roderick Cowan’s apartment
was an autographed picture of William Shatner. Along with the photos on
the computer of Scott Faichnie, also busted for possessing child porn,
they found a snapshot of the pediatric nurse and Boy Scout leader
wearing a dress "Federation" uniform. Another suspect had a TV remote
control shaped like a phaser. Yet another had a Star Trek
credit card in his wallet. One was using "Picard" as his screen name.
In the 3 1/2 years since police in Canada’s biggest city established a
special unit to tackle child pornography, investigators have been
through so many dwellings packed with sci-fi books, DVDs, toys and
collectibles like Klingon swords and sashes that it’s become a dark
squadroom joke. "We always say there are two types of pedophiles: Star Trek and Star Wars," says Det. Ian Lamond, the unit’s second-in-command. "But it’s mostly Star Trek."

Neva Chonin at the San Francisco Chronicle isn’t convinced there’s a connection.

"Star Trek" fans get no respect. When they’re not being derided for
living in their mothers’ basements, they’re being mocked for studying the
Klingon alphabet. Life for Trekkies is especially tough these days, with their
television franchise finally fading into retirement after decades of spin-off
series and film adaptations.

And now this. An April 27 Los Angeles Times story on the exploits of the
Toronto Police Service’s Sex Crimes Unit reported on "a dark fact" uncovered
by its Child Exploitation Section: "All but one of the offenders they have
arrested in the last four years," the article revealed, "was a hard-core
Trekkie."

Wha … who … huh? I know that the Vulcan mating ritual of Pon Farr can
arouse some unruly passions, but hey. Kiddie porn? Child exploitation among
those benign nerds who flock to comic conventions in their Federation
uniforms? Say it isn’t so. Or at least present plausible evidence why it is…

…Yeah, right. Color me skeptical, but I require a little more to sell me
on the "dark fact" that "all but one of the offenders they have arrested in
the last four years was a hard-core Trekkie." If there’s empirical evidence,
trot it out. (Hard-core Trekkie membership cards? Salacious action figure
dioramas? What?) If there’s a causal relationship, at least try to explain it.
If you "can’t really explain it," don’t bring it up. Geeks get enough grief as
it is, man; they don’t need to be labeled perverts.

RWA Members Can Look At Nipples Again

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Alison Kent reports that the Romance Writers of America are suspending their "graphical standards" rules. The new rules would have, among other things, forbid the organization or any of its chapters from linking to any author or publisher websites that displayed the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit and tit or featured bookcovers that showed images like a hand on a breast, an exposed female nipple, or g-string clad buttocks (which would have ruled out my author photo).

In a special phone call board meeting, RWA’s Board of Directors met to
discuss the Graphical Standards policies. The Board of Directors enacted the
following motions:

1. The Graphical Standards have been temporarily suspended.

2. A Graphical Standards Ad Hoc Committee will be formed to seek
out membership input and investigate when, where and how such standards
might
be applied, with a report due to the RWA Board no later than September
1, 2005.

How about IF such graphical standards should be applied at all? It’s hard to believe that the RWA board is actually comprised of writers.  They shouldn’t just scrap the rules…they should scrap the committee. Come to think of it, they should scrap the board members who thought these rules were a good idea in the first place.

UPDATE: The folks at Smartbitches take issue with an "inspirational romance writer" who doesn’t  get what all the ruckus is about. 

What Happens When TV Happens…

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Ever wonder why a pilot doesn’t sell? There are a lot of reasons… and screenwriter John Rogers talks about the ones that doomed his WB pilot GLOBAL FREQUENCY.

What happened? TV happened. Even Mark Burnett (who was pretty cool, AND can kill
you with his thumbs) couldn’t beat it this time. Despite having some great
execs, and even testing pretty well, we got hit by a change of network
presidents in the middle of the shoot. I know, every guy in the industry just
instinctively winced when I said that. David Janolari was a gent about it, but
between some differing creative visions and network/studio gunk, all the best
intentions in the world weren’t going to get us there.

Also, in
completely honest retrospect, what the hell was I thinking? It’s a show about
how the institutions around us have failed us, and we live in a world of chaos
and death, held back only by borderline sociopaths. The HAPPY ending is our hero shoots an innocent man
in the face. Oh yeah, slot us right in after Gilmore Girls.

“I Was Hoping You Could Tell Me How to Get An Agent”

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If you thought my experience at the San Francisco Writers Conference was a freak occurence, you should read the encounters my brother Tod had at a  writers conference in Palm Springs…

"Oh, well, yes, I’m working on a novel," she said, "but I was hoping you
could tell me how to get an agent."

"Have you finished your book?" 

"No."

"How far along are you?"

She reached into her purse and pulled out a handful of single-spaced pages.
"I’ve done a detailed treatment of my novel," she said, "but I thought maybe I
could find an agent who would complete it for me."

Writing the Treatment

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Bryon Stedman  asked me this question in a comment to another post:

I have a situation where a broadcast entity claims they want to hear my idea for
a boxing series or made for TV movie. The characters belong to my family from a
comic drawn by my father.

If a narrative is they way to go, what are the key points to include? Do I go as far as dialog and cameas shots and locations or simply text with main characters CAPITALIZED? Advice requested and appreciated.

A series treatment and a TV movie treatment are very different. A series treatment sells the characters and the franchise of the show…the relationships and format that will generate stories week after week. A TV movie treatment sells a story.

If the studio is already familiar with your Dad’s comic, I don’t know why they need you to come up with a series treatment…the strip itself sells that or they wouldn’t be interested in the first place.

A series treatment isn’t about telling a story…it’s about describing the characters, how they interact within the unique format of your show. Who are they? What do they do? And how will who they are and what they do generate 100 interesting stories?

For a TV movie treatment, you’re selling the characters and their story.  At this point, you’re trying to sell the broadstrokes…they can pay you to work out the rest. Write up a punchy over-view of what happens in the story, as if you were writing a review of a great movie (only minus the praise). You want to convey the style and tone of the movie. But don’t go into great detail. Keep it short, tight and punchy.And whatever you do, DON’T include camera shots or dialogue.

Don’t fixate on treatment format, because there isn’t one. Tell your story in the style that works best for you. Don’t worry about whether the character names are in capitals or not (it doesn’t matter). Concentrate on telling a strong story.

A Day in the Life

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Yesterday was a typical day for me…when I’m not writing/producing a TV series.

While dealing with the business of writing (exchanging emails with my editors & agents, watching a pilot for an upcoming staff job interview, arranging a book signing for August, etc.) I worked on writing several things all at once — one for pay (P), the rest speculative (S). 

1) My second MONK novel (P)
2) A series pilot treatment for a producer/studio to pitch to the networks (S)
3) A TV movie treatment for a production company  tailored for one particular network (S)
4) A series pilot treatment that Bill and I are going to pitch to the networks (S)

At the end of the day, when I emailed yet another revision of the pitch/treatment to the production company, I realized that three quarters of my day was spent on speculative work. Then I started thinking about just how much of my time and creative energy goes into writing punchy pitches & treatments that never go anywhere.  I would guess that Bill and I, together and individually, have probably written hundreds of pitches & treatments over the last 2o years, and out of all of them, maybe two dozen have led to non-paying options and a little more than half that number have led to actual paychecks for writing the script (and/or producing the project).

That’s a hell of a lot of spec work…most of which led to absolutely nothing. 

On the other hand, I’m sure every other screenwriter/TV writer/freelance writer probably has roughly the same experience. A good portion of a professional writer’s time is spent managing the work you’re doing now, promoting the work you’ve already done, and hustling for the work you’re going to need tomorrow.

And most important of all, somewhere in the midst of all that, you also have to write.  Speaking of which, what am I doing blogging? I’ve got work to do!

I’m Glad I’m Not a Freelance Journalist Anymore

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I put myself through college, and supported myself for a few years after graduation, covering the entertainment industry for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, Newsweek, Starlog, American Film, Playgirl, and a bunch of other publications. I went to a lot of movie sets, interviewed a lot of movie stars, and attended a lot of press junkets. I had no illusions that what I was doing qualified as major journalism, but I had ethical standards. I asked whatever questions I wanted to ask, I never let a publicist or studio dictate what I was going to write (even if my employers let them pay my way to distant sets), and I wrote the story I wanted to write.

I couldn’t do that today. Because now "journalists," and I use that term lightly, are required to clear their questions with publicists first… to agree before an interview not to ask certain questions about certain subjects.  Or, as in the case with junket for MR. AND MRS. SMITH, reporters had to sign contracts agreeing not to ask Brad and Angelina about their relationship.

When one reporter – who, like all the attending journalists, was required to
sign a "loyalty oath" vowing not to ask personal questions – inquired about the
stars’ onscreen chemistry, Pitt replied, "Between me and [Smith costar]
Vince [Vaughn]? It was palpable. I mean, we knew immediately when we looked into
each other’s eyes . . . "

I’d refuse to sign a document like that. And I wouldn’t clear my questions with a publicist first. So I’d probably be blackballed from studio junkets and interviews…which is why I’m glad I’m not doing that any more.

Does the studio really think America is clamoring to know about the
making of MR. AND MRS. SMITH? Or if Angelina did all her own stunts. Or
if Brad improvised any of his lines. Hell no.  People want want to know
if Brad was fucking Angelina while was making the movie and if he’s
fucking her now.  Thats the only "news" value at the moment in MR. AND
MRS. SMITH. There’s nothing else to write about (except, perhaps, that
the director is a strange and difficult guy to work with, as the LA Times reported a few days ago).

Of course, if writers and editors in the entertainment press had any self-respect or journalistic integrity whatsoever (which they clearly don’t), they’d band together and refuse to accept any conditions on their coverage. And if the studios didn’t like it, they could kiss goodbye any publicity for their film. Overnight, the conditions placed by publicists on entertainment reporters would disappear. Because the fact is, the studios need the magazines and TV shows more than the shows need them.

Don’t Tell Tod I’m Better Looking Than He Is

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My brother Tod has a brilliant post about the dos-and-don’t of writer’s conferences. Here are a few of his rules:

5. Don’t take a novel writing course from someone whose novel is self-published.

7. Don’t ever say, "Can I buy you a drink and talk some shop with you after the
workshop?" Why? I don’t know. I’ve just never liked the term talk some
shop. Plus, after the workshop I’ve got a standing date with one of my
friends to talk about the craziest person in the class and that might be you.

10. Stop attending writer’s conferences. Really. If you’re one of those people
who travels the world attending writer’s conferences and, yet, you never sell
anything, maybe that’s because you spend too much time going to writer’s
conferences. And only go to conferences where someone is teaching you something,
not where you have to sit in a huge room and listen to a panel of people talking
about themselves for two hours. But really: stop attending writer’s conferences.
Go home and write.

iUniverse CEO Speaks… Again

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This seems to be POD/Self-Publishing day on my blog.  Pod-dy Mouth hosts a lengthy Q&A with iUniverse CEO Susan Driscoll. There are quite few interesting quotes. Here’s one:

If an author isn’t traditionally published then his/her title is not likely to get stocked nationally on bookstore shelves. Anyone who tells an author otherwise isn’t telling the truth.

You have to admire her honesty on that score. As she did in her letter to my blog, Susan once again tries to sell iUniverse as "a stepping stone to traditional publishing" success rather than a "vanity press" for people who can’t get their work published any other way.

iUniverse gives authors a way to quickly and affordably publish a book so that
the author can test market the book and can determine whether he/she likes doing
the marketing. Those that succeed will get picked up by bookstores and perhaps
by traditional publishers.

That’s where she loses me.  I don’t buy that reasoning for paying hundreds of dollars to self-publish your book.  She calls it the "all-important author platform," which is her attempt to refresh and re-imagine the age-old vanity press come-on/false hope:  the very slim possibility that you can become a bestseller on your own or that you will attract a "real publisher" with your self-published book.

Sure, it happens. People occasionally win the lottery, too.

All her talk about the importance of author self-marketing is essentially saying this:  iUniverse prints your book… and that’s it. You have to do all the rest. You have to create awareness and demand.  And if you manage, against all odds,  to somehow sell thousands of copies of your vanity press book, then a real publisher might take notice. 

That isn’t the "all-important" first step or, as she calls it, "author platform."
Writing a good book is the all-important first step. The second one is finding an
agent. The third one is selling the book. The fourth is getting out and marketing it as best you can (very different, by the way, than the kind of marketing you have to do to move a vanity press POD title that isn’t available in bookstores). The fifth is starting to write your next book.   The combination of those five steps is what I would call "the author platform."

In my opinion, self-publishing your novel is a frantic and foolhardy last
resort… a desperate gamble with very, very, very little chance of success.  It’s not a platform…it’s another charge on your credit card bill.

That said, I think  iUniverse has a lot to offer someone interested in self-publishing non-fiction or self-help books. In that case, I think you have a realistic potential for success, especially if publishing your book goes hand-in-hand with giving seminars and teaching classes.

I also think iUniverse is a great way for instructors to provide their own "textbooks" for their students as opposed to having them buy bound xerox copies of their articles and essays.

And iUniverse offers a second lease on life for previously-published books that have fallen out-of-print.  It’s not lucrative…but it offers readers hard-to-find books in handsome new editions and provides a few extra dollars to the authors that they wouldn’t otherwise see from used book sales.