Aldo Calcagno was among the paparazzi who covered our whirlwind book tour. You can check out the rest of the photos here.
LitNazi Questionnaire
On his blog, my brother Tod fills out the questionnaire the Citizens For Literary Standards are sending to candidates for the Blue Valley School Board in Overland Park, KS. His answers to their self-serving questions makes for good reading… which, of course, means it would be banned if these "citizens" had their way.
The Citizens for Literary Standards, you may recall, seek to "inform parents and the community about poor quality literature and vulgar subject matter (profanity, sex, occultism) in graded reading assignments." Books these LitNazis want to ban from high school include such "poor quality literature" as ALL THE PRETTY HORSES, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, BELOVED, LORDS OF DISCIPLINE, CATCHER IN THE RYE, OF MICE AND MEN, and I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS.
It makes sense to me. As we all know, reading CATCHER IN THE RYE has turned generations of Americans into Satan-worshipping, drug-addicted, sociopathic liberals.
USC or NYU?
I got this email today:
Dear Lee,
You are one of the rare few to have both a successful television career and an accessible email address. I am an almost out of high school eighteen-year-old to pursue a career in TV.
Next year, I will enroll in the screenwriting program at either USC or NYU. I’ve gotten tons of advice from guidance counselors, family members — even a chatty, slightly overzealous cab driver. I wanted to ascertain whether you believe one school has a significant advantage over the other. I’m inclined to stay on the east coast for a few years before I make the move to LA, for what I assume will be the majority of my working life. And I tell myself that a solid spec and good people skills are what really matter. But then I read those oh-so-persuasive articles about the SoCal-educated Josh Schwartz wunderkinds of TV. The ones who sell scripts right out of college, and are helming their own shows before they can get rental cars. And it seems they always throw in a “thanks to those Trojans!” shout out. So, If you can offer any advice, I’d really appreciate it. That cabbie made a damn good U-turn, but I’m not sure he knew a ton about scripted television.
Here’s how I replied:
If you want to pursue a career in TV writing & producing, you should go to USC… but not because their screenwriting program is any better than the one at NYU. It’s about proximity. Even though lots of shows are filmed in NY, the TV business is in LA. If you want to be in this business, you’ve got to be here. Simple as that.
Here’s why: your diploma isn’t going to get you any work. A diploma, in the TV writing biz, means nothing. What counts? Talent, skill, personality and luck….but even that isn’t enough. You also need connections and
opportunities, both of which are more likely to come your way here…where the TV industry is based.
That’s why I went to UCLA rather than other schools. But most of what I learned wasn’t in the classroom. For one thing, I didn’t study screenwriting… I got an equally useless degree in Communications, so I could get a job in P.R. or advertising or reporting if I failed as a writer.
The real classroom, for me, was L.A. itself. Because the people who write, produce, and buy TV shows are here, you
have many more chances to hear from them and meet them and learn from
them. TV writers and producers are speaking at seminars all over town. So are network and studio execs. Not a week goes by where some experienced writer/producer isn’t sharing the secrets of his craft to the public somewhere in the city. There are regular seminars all the time at places like UCLA, WGA, ATAS, USC, The Museum of Broadcasting, AFI, even the local Barnes & Noble (where they often have Screenwriting groups that meet and invite guests… I know, becuase I’ve spoken to a few of them). These programs are either free or cheaper than a bargain matinee.
Equally important are the people you meet in the audience at these seminars…many of whom have the same aspirations as you. Odds are you’ll make some friends… some of whom are likely to become writer/producers or agents or industry execs some day…and will form your inner circle of connections in the biz. It happened to me that way. A lot of the people I work with today are people I sat with at Museum of Broadcasting seminars or in line for tapings of TAXI and SOAP (Oh God, I’m dating myself!)
The Industry, and valuable information about it, also permeate the media
here. There are weekly programs and regular commentaries about the Industry
on our local NPR stations. Industry news and interviews with writers also get much bigger play in
the Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, Los Angeles Magazine and other local
media than anywhere else in the country. Why? Because, as I may
have mentioned six or seven times already, the TV industry is here…in L.A, not NY.
So my advice? Buy a copy of SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING at your local bookstore, get a subscription to DAILY VARIETY, and start looking for student housing at USC.
A Day in The Life
I’m in a strange place right now…
I finished my last Diagnosis Murder novel and delivered it to my editor a few weeks ago. Bill Rabkin and I just turned in a pitch to a network for a TV movie we’re up to write. It’s still a few weeks away from staffing season, so there’s no episodic TV work right now. And I delivered my story to my editor for the next (the seventh!) Diagnosis Murder novel…so I’m awaiting formal go-ahead before I start the detailed plotting and actual writing.
So, in other words, I don’t have a hell of a lot to do. I’m in a holding pattern until I hear from the network on the M.O.W., or my editor on the book, or staffing season begins and we start going to meetings.
As is typical at times like this, I’m antsy. I cleaned up my office, did some filing, paid my bills, organized my bookshelves, put labels on my home-recorded DVDs. I got my cars serviced, I scheduled repairs around the house, and I even fixed myself up… going in for long overdue appointments with my doctor and my dentist for annual checkups (which I haven’t had in years, so I guess I’m using the term "annual" very loosely).
I feel good about taking care of things that I’ve overlooked for the last two years of non-stop writing activity but, at the same time, I’m not quite myself. I’m eager to start writing something else…even though I’ve been looking forward for so long to time off, especially with the 12 months I’ve had (two broken arms, two surgeries, 18 episodes to write/develop, one death in the family, three novels to write, etc.).
We’re heading out on a family road trip for my daughter’s March vacation, driving to the Grand Canyon and Sante Fe, and that will be fun, but until then…
…why can’t I just curl up in a chair with a good book, relax, and enjoy the peace? God knows I have plenty of books to read!
Star Trek R.I.P.
I’ve been catching up on my my friend Javier Grillo Marxuach’s blog. We worked together years ago on SEAQUEST, and he’s gone on to much better things… like his current gig as supervising producer of LOST. A few weeks back, he wrote about the demise of ENTERPRISE.
For the past ten years, being a star trek fan has been like watching a
beloved relative waste away from a completely curable degenerative
illness… you prayed for someone to administer the readily available
magic bullet of creative freedom, bold choices and individual
thought… and yet, its care was continually entrusted to insurance
company administrators eager to deliver the bottom line.
He nails it, doesn’t he?
Heaven!
I spent the morning at the Paperback Collectors Show and spent about $75 on a grocery bag full of vintage paperbacks… among mybargain finds, all in good to fine condition:
THE PERFECT VICTIM by James McKimmey (for a buck!)
SQUEEZE PLAY by James McKimmey (also for a buck!)
STOLEN WOMAN by Wade Miller ($2.95!)
THE KILLER by Wade Miller ($2.95!)
DEVIL MAY CARE by Wade Miller (a buck!)
KISS HER GOODBYE by Wade Miller (a buck!)
WHIP HAND by W. Franklin Sanders (Charles Willeford — $30)
KILLER IN TOWN by Clifton Adams (a buck!)
TIL IT HURTS by Nick Quarry (Marv Albert… $8)
NO CHANCE IN HELL by Nick Quarry (Marv Albert $10)
THE REFORMED GUN by Marv Albert ($8)
THE BOUNTY KILLER by Marv Albert (a buck!)
THE MIDNIGHT SISTER by Marv Albert ($6)
STRANGERS ON FRIDAY by Harry Whittington ($6)
LUST FOR LOVE by Harry Whittington ($4)
SADDLE THE STORM by Harry Whittington ($2)
ROUTE OF THE RED GOLD by Dan J. Marlowe ($1)
DESPERADO by Clifton Adams ($1)
Signings A-Go-Go
Today I had signings at Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks and at the Mystery Bookstore in Westwood….and I landed both those gigs because I was with a young, attractive, female author named Madison Goldberg. Without her, I doubt I would have wrangled the invites.
At the Mystery Bookstore, Maddie and I signed with my good friend Jerrilyn Farmer, who’s new book FLAMING LUAU OF DEATH has just been released. Of course, Maddie out-sold both of us combined. It helps to be young and single.
Naturally, the whispers among all of us authors (Jerrilyn, Gary Phillips, Tom Nolan, Gayle Lynds, and Bob Levinson, to name a few) revolved around the notable absense of proprietor Sheldon MacArthur. The latest news, depending on who you talk to, is that he’s retired and is moving up north to either start a mystery-themed magazine, a mail-order bookstore or a nudist colony for remaindered crime writers. Whatever his new endeavor might be, we all wish him well.
After the signing, Maddie and I went up the street to visit my old pal Paul Jackson, a prolific TV writer who has opened a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory outlet on Broxton Avenue as a sideline. Business was booming when we were there… it was probably thanks to my daughter . Now that Maddie has annointed it with her patronage, all her groupies will start going there. Show your WGA card if you visit his store and maybe Paul will give you free sample. It worked for me.
I’d Like to Thank My Publicist, My Eyebrow Tweezer, and my Proctologist…
The Los Angeles Times has announced their nominees for the book award in mysteries and, strangely, my latest DIAGNOSIS MURDER novel is overlooked. The nominees are:
Alan Furst, Dark Voyage: A Novel (Random House)
Henning Mankell, The Return of the Dancing Master [translated from the Swedish by Laurie Thompson] (The New Press)
Charles McCarry, Old Boys (Overlook Press)
Kem Nunn, Tijuana Straits: A Novel (Scribner)
Ian Rankin, A Question of Blood: An Inspector Rebus Novel (Little, Brown)
The LA Times loves Henning Mankell…I think this is his second or third nomination. I don’t get it, to be honest. I’ve read a few of his books, wanting to get on the bandwagon (bandwagons are so much fun, all that convivial back-slapping, hearty smiles, and good eating), but they left me cold.
The judges also love George Pelecanos, who has won twice…once over my brother Tod (who, when George won the following year too, asked if he could have one of the awards. George wasn’t amused). Luckily for Ian Rankin, George didn’t have a book out this year…but I hear they were thinking of nominating him on general principle.
It’s nice to see Kem Nunn on the list…and an old pro like Charles McCarry. I remember reading McCarry’s TEARS OF AUTUMN years and years ago and loving it. His nomination this year is a nice surprise…even though his book is still on my tottering TBR pile (which has become so big, the county is threatening to red tag my house as uninhabitable due to the risk of avalanche. Suzanne Clarke’s JONATHAN STRANGE & MR. NORELL alone could crush my skull). I’ve got a copy of Alan Furst’s book in that pile somewhere, too. I’ll have to catch up on the LA Times nominees if I ever finish reading all of this year’s major Edgar nominees…
Frankenstein & Ally
Tomorrow, I’ll be signing "Diagnosis Murder: The Waking Nightmare" at Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks, CA with that famous author, Madison Goldberg, who is touring to support her new bestseller, "Frankenstein & Ally and other Scary Stories." She’ll also be signing copies of her previous blockbusters
"The Adventures of Kitty Wonder: Robot Fighting" and
"Adventures of Kitty Wonder: Lots of Killing." In addition to writing thrilling stories, she’s the artist behind her provocative covers (click on the pictures for larger images). I’m obviously riding on her pigtails…
The Birds and The Bees
My daughter finally asked us The Big Question…. where do babies come from… though not in so many words. More like in so many questions.
She started one afternoon last week when she was alone with my wife.
"I know babies grow in a Mommy’s tummy," Maddie said. "But how does it get there?"
My wife gave her a very romantic version, about how a man and a woman fall in love, and get married, and from their love comes a child. Maddie wasn’t satisfied with the Hallmark card approach.
"So what does the Dad do?" Maddie asked. "Give the Mommy a special pill?"
"No," my wife said, and explained that the man has the seed and the woman has the egg in her tummy. The man gives the seed to the woman and fertilizes the egg, which grows into a baby.
"How does he do that?"
"With his penis," my wife said bluntly. "He puts his penis in the woman’s vagina."
Maddie’s eyes went wide and she said in horror: "You have GOT to be kidding."
And that was the end of that… not another word was said… until I got home.
We were in the car, on the way to dinner, when Maddie said: "You won’t believe the story Mom told me today."
I had an idea what was coming. "What did she tell you?"
"I’m warning you, it’s GROSS. Mom said that to make a baby, a man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina!" Maddie said laughing a little too hard. "She really said that."
"It’s true."
"I’d like the real story." Maddie said.
"That’s it," I said.
"No way," Maddie said. "Tell me the truth."
"It’s the truth," I said and I explained again about the seed and the egg. I glanced in the rearview mirror and could see Maddie staring at me hard. "I’m not kidding, honest."
"I don’t understand," she said. "Where do you get the seed? And how can you hold it with your… thingie?"
"It’s not like a pumpkin seed or an apple seed," I said.
"I don’t get it," she said.
So I explained about sperm while my wife squirmed in her seat, afraid I was going to go into too much detail. She didn’t have to worry. I wasn’t ready to go into any more detail, either…unless pressed.
"Is it hard to get the seed into a lady?" Maddie asked.
"Oh yeah," I said.
My wife stifled a giggle.
I braced myself for more questions. And to my great relief, and my wife’s, Maddie decided that was enough for one night.
But there’s always tomorrow…