Channel Flipping

Some assorted TV news from the pages of Variety

SciFi Channel is renewing BATTLESTAR GALACTICA for another season.

Battlestargalactica_1 The series has averaged more than 3 million total viewers in its Friday at 10 p.m.
timeslot. "Battlestar" has also ranked No. 1 among cable shows in adults 25-54
and men 25-54 for every week the show has been on the air.

"We all really felt there was something special about this show, that the
creators delivered on their promise to take a new approach to space opera. But
we honestly weren’t sure if the show was going to be embraced," said exec VP of
programming Mark
Stern
 
. "The show is dark and gritty and sexy and, first and
foremost, a character drama. Yes, there is a lot of action, but it certainly
wasn’t the typical space opera our viewers expected. Thankfully, they get it and
they keep showing up in big numbers."

… no word yet from the honchos at the  Colonial Fan Force on how this will impact their important campaign to convince the Hollywood suits to do a big-screen version of the original show with the original cast.  Herb Jefferson and Laurette Sprange stand ready to clear their busy schedules to be in the movie.

MGM is desperately trying to raise DEAD LIKE ME from, well, the dead. Showtime cancelled the series,  which doesn’t have enough episodes to syndicate… meaning its worthless. So MGM is trying to strike a deal… somewhere, anywhere… to crank out new episodes so they have
enough to sell the series in reruns.

An MGM spokeswoman declined to comment, but 29 hourlong episodes for Showtime
(including the 75-minute pilot) are too small a number to make the reruns of any
series salable in basic cable or TV syndication. But if a network such as Sci Fi were willing to pony up a license fee to
bring "Dead" back from the beyond, MGM would do a package deal with that network
that would include the reruns.  Time is running out, however, because the options on the services of the
stars Mandy Patinkin and Ellen Muth are close to an expiration date.

The studio tried this some years back when CBS cancelled a new version of  THE TWILIGHT ZONE… MGM took the show up to Canada, churned out 22 episodes on the cheap, and hired Page Fletcher, the star of the erotic thriller anthology THE HITCHHIKER, to be their new Rod Serling.  Maybe they can get Herb Jefferson and Laurette Sprang for DEAD LIKE ME.

MissinglogoopLifetime has cancelled WILD CARD and it looks likely that they will renew MISSING for a third season, which could be good news for yours truly (I have been a writer/producer on the show for two seasons).

Blogging Hell

Twice today I have tried to publish a post on this blog about the TV development season and the pilots the networks are considering.

This morning, I wrote a long, detailed article full of brilliant observations, interesting TV pilot trivia, and stunningly insightful commentary on the Industry (if I do say so myself)… and through an idiotic computer mishap, lost it all.

I nearly stuck my fist through my computer monitor.  Clicked off and busied myself with other things.

So I sat down tonight and attempted to resurrect the article from memory and, although it wasn’t half as good as the earlier version, I was happy with it… and I was nearly done, about to insert another link and… clicked the wrong window to close,  and lost that !@#$%^  article, too.

So the hell with it. 

I probably shouldn’t have been writing about pilots anyway. I might need a job on one of the shows I was criticizing…

Ankle Biting Pundits

My new "Diagnosis Murder" novel, THE WAKING NIGHMARE got a rave review from Patrick Hynes at Ankle-Biting Pundits.com, a conservative political website.

If you like mysteries, buy this book. It’s perfect for the beach. It’s perfect
for a rainy day. Perfect if you’re snowbound. And if you’re like me, you’ll
quickly get addicted.

I guess I shouldn’t tell him I voted for John Kerry…

I Must Have Touched a Nerve

Over the last 24 hours, I’ve been getting a lot of spam comments on the blog promoting self-publishing scams and writing-oriented "Get Rich Quick Schemes"… as well as some fradulent comments under my own name. I’ve deleted them all.

My guess is that its a coordinated, and utterly pointless, campaign by one of the scammers I’ve been trashing here.  If nothing else, it certainly reveals the infantile character, limited intellect, and pitiful desperation of the conmen behind these swindles.   Don’t be surprised if you see more spam and fake comments over the coming days…it’s how they try to silence and bully their critics, but it won’t work with me.

The Whizzinator

From here on, actor Tom Sizemore’s nick-name should be whizzinator. Why? He failed a court-ordered drug test by trying to use a prosthetic penis, known commercially as "The Whizzinator," instead of his, um, own to fill the cup.Sizemore

Prosecutors told Judge Baretto that
Sizemore failed three drug tests in three days, the first after he was
caught using a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a
clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack.

Carney said the ruse was revealed when the temperature of the
sample proved too cool to have come from Sizemore’s body, and he was
asked to remove his pants.

According to prosecutors, Sizemore had been caught once before
trying to use a similar device, sold over the Internet under the brand
name the Whizzinator, and had failed drug tests on at least five
occasions.

I wonder where the "clean urine" came from and what else he uses that prosthetic penis for.

 

The Truth About Publishing

Australian novelist Ian Irvine has written a fantastic article on the life of a book… from selling it to finding it amidst the stack of remainders at Barnes & Noble…and all the steps in-between.

The biggest problem for beginning fiction writers is that no one tells you how the system works. Becoming an author, and even
a successful one, is therefore a series of shocks as your assumptions are punctured one by one. So here, distilled from my
experiences with a dozen publishers all over the world, and conversations with many professional writers over the years, is the
truth about fiction publishing..

He also includes a very handy chart on how the royalties typically break down:

Shocked that the sales on your royalty statement don’t translate into
nearly as much money as you expected? Here’s what you can actually
expect to get, in your hand, for the sale of a single book in various
countries. It’s calculated on the pre-tax retail price, for typical
royalty rates, after your local agent has got her 15%, and your
overseas agent her percentage. If most of your foreign deals have been
done by your publisher, it’ll take around 20% agent’s fee. Sometimes,
eg for sales in Eastern Europe or Asia, there could be a local agent
involved as well, so after they’ve all got their share you’ll only end
up with 50-60% of the advances and the royalties earned. I’ve used the
current exchange rates (June ’04). If you sell enough copies to jump
into the higher royalty rate category, you’ll get more, of course. The
dramatic difference in your share of the overseas mass market editions
is due to lower price and/or royalty rates. In Australia you’ll
generally get 10%, in the UK and US more likely 7.5-8%.

Table 1: What you get in your hand after agents’ cuts, per book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

COUNTRY   HARDCOVER**   TRADE PAPERBACK**   MASS MARKET PAPERBACK
Pre-tax Price Your share ($A) Pre-taxp Price Your share ($A) Pre-tax Price Your share ($A)
Australia $A40.50 $3.44 $A27.33 2.32 $A18.13 1.54
Britain £17.99 3.21 £12.99 2.32 £7.99* 1.07
USA $US25.95 2.52 US14.95 1.45 $US7.99# 0.62

* Exch. Rate 0.38, royalty 7.5% to 20K, Aust publisher 20%, Aust agent 15%

# Exch. Rate 0.70, royalty 8% to 100K, Aust publisher 20%, Aust agent 15%

** Trade paperback and hardcover royalties 10%

It’s an honest, accurate  and frank account of how the system works.  I heartily recommend it for all aspiring authors. (Thanks to Sarah Weinman for pointing this article out to me!)

Death by Committee II

After reading my previous post, someone asked me:

I’m curious — without getting into specifics of which publishing house
and such, what were some of the reasons cited for any potential deal
being killed? Were they just nervous about bringing out a book that’s very
pop culture-oriented?

Here’s the jacket copy, describing what THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE is about:

Harvey Mapes is a twenty-nine-year-old security guard who spends his nights in a guard shack outside a gated community in Southern California, reading detective novels, watching TVLand reruns, and waiting for his life to finally start . . . which happens when Cyril Parkus, one of the wealthy residents, asks Harvey to follow his beautiful wife Lauren.

The lowly security guard jumps at the opportunity to fulfill his private eye fantasies and use everything he’s learned from Spenser, Magnum, and Mannix. But things don’t exactly go according to the books . . . or the reruns.

As  Harvey fumbles and stumbles through his first investigation, he discovers that the differences between fiction and reality can be deadly.
With the help of his mortgage-broker neighbor and occasional lover Carol,  Harvey uncovers a
blackmail plot that takes a sudden and unexpectedly tragic turn . . . plunging him into a world of violence, deception, and murder . . . and forcing him to discover what it really takes to be a private eye.

So many editors liked it and were enthusiastic about it. I can’t tell you
how many times I celebrated, certain we’d just sold it… and then, the
committee would weigh in. The biggest problem the "committees" had with the book was
how to categorize it. Is it a mystery? Is it a satire? Is it too dark? Is it too funny? Is it a PI novel or…what, exactly?

Some found it too funny and not dark enough…and humor doesn’t sell. (Let’s not mention Carl Hiaasen or Janet Evanovich, shall we?) Some found it too  dark and not broad enough for a comedy (I found out the hard way how badly broad, comic novels sell… I refer you to MY GUN HAS BULLETS and BEYOND THE BEYOND). Some found it  too much of a private eye novel…and PI novels aren’t selling.  Some found it not enough of a private eye novel… because PI novels are really selling.  And some didn’t think the story was "big" enough, whatever the hell that means.

But ultimately, I guess it wasn’t an easy book to fit into any pre-set genre or category. We came soooo close at a couple of major houses…but, alas,  it was not to be. But the process ate up two years.

That said, I am very happy to be at Five Star.  As you can see from LITTLE GIRL LOST, MEMORIAL DAY and ASK A DEAD MAN,  they are putting out some terrific books (and finally getting the wider notice they deserve).  And they’re not just doing mysteries, either…they also have  robust romance and western lines as well.

Death By Committee

Sarah Weinman is discussing the long road to the bookshelves for Sam Lipsyte’s HOME LAND, which ended up being published in the UK before finally showing up here as a trade paperback.

And furthermore, the growing trend of many
houses to vote by committee — something that can be lethal to a
satirical novel like HOME LAND. One
editor who tried to buy it, only to have his editor in chief kill the
sale, argued that the decision-making by editorial committee at most
major houses around the city "tends to flatten out the aesthetic."

I’ve been there, more times than I’d like to admit.  My upcoming novel THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE made the rounds all over New York. I got excited every time my agent called to tell me that an editor absolutely loved it. Inevitably, the book was killed in committee every time. I finally told her not to tell me anymore if an editor was enthusiastic about the book…I only want to hear about it if it made it out of committee. I never got that call.

After two years of bouncing all over NY,  the book finally ended up at Five Star, which will be publishing it in hard cover in November. Five Star has become known in mystery circles as the home for "published authors’ unpublished manuscripts"…the book gathering dust in the drawer… and I am thankful for them (they also published my novel THE WALK). They’ve picked up quite a few midlist series/authors that have been dumped by their publishers.  Lately, Five Star has been making noise, and raising its profile considerably in the publishing biz, with critically-acclaimed books like Harry Shannon’s MEMORIAL DAY and Bob Levinson‘s ASK A DEAD MAN, which got a starred review in PW and hit the LA Times bestseller list this week.

The imprint is run by famed book packager/editor Marty Greenberg and author/editor  Ed Gorman. They don’t buy books by committee… they do it the old-fashioned way.  Their editors read manuscript and, if they like’em, they buy’em. They also do something else the old-fashioned way — they treat their authors with respect, pay them promptly, publish quickly,  and put out handsome books.

You’d Think Anybody Who Has Read This Blog Would Know Better Than to Send Me This Shit…

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of junkmail solicitations from con artists who prey on aspiring authors.  Here are two of the latest. One is from a guy who is offering to interview me on his radio show… for a price.

ATTN: Lee G – Want to be a radio Star? I can make you a  bestseller by advertising on my radio show Call me 781/860-9548. My name is Stu Taylor. I provide a unique service for publicly traded and private companies.  I am the host of two nationally syndicated, weekly radio shows, both entitled Equity Strategies that are broadcast on Radio America Network and the Business Talk Radio Network. For a modest fee, I will serve as a host and  interview a member of your management team to achieve whichever goals matter to you. Stu Taylor will also assist your company with public relations and media relations. Your success in business is Stu Taylor’s success.

That’s because your money will be going into his pocket. Don’t you just love people who refer to themselves in the third person? Well, let me tell you, Lee Goldberg won’t be calling Stu Taylor any time soon. Lee Goldberg urges you not to, either. If your book is any good, and if have any promotional skills at all, you should be able to score some free radio interviews on your own.

The next piece of junk mail was posted here as a comment (which I deleted because my blog isn’t a bulletin board for Internet scam artists).  It came from Randy Gilbert & Peggy McColl, who run a "get rich quick" scheme for writers called the "Zero Cost Bestseller Formula" (which they are also selling as "The Bestseller Mentoring Program")

Authors & Publishers – Tired of
  fighting for bookstore distribution? Even if you’re a complete computer
  novice and have no marketing expertise, we’ll coach you to follow our
  proven formula
and . . .
We’ll Help You Make Your  Book An Amazon.com Bestseller  in Just 48 Hours … Guaranteed!

They say it’s the same formula that’s turned folks like Robin Sharma, George McKenzie, Rick Frishman, and Andre Lara into household names. What? You’ve never heard of them? How can that be?  The gist of their scheme, which they are offering for "a $385 discount" from their usual price (whatever the hell it is), is:

In short, the formula involves  getting people with big email lists to send out an announcement asking  people to buy your book on a given day at Amazon. This method isn’t “spamming” because only “opt-in” email lists are used.   To motivate people to purchase  the book, you promise them a lot of  digitally-downloadable “bonus gifts” for  when they submitted their Amazon email receipt.  For instance, buy a $20  book and you could get $500 of more of extra bonuses – a tremendous   incentive to buy the book. Even better, because the formula uses email,  it  costs nothing to promote the book!

Their scheme is directed, of course, at self-published authors desperate for a short-cut to becoming the next John Grisham. ..and all too ready to hand their  credit cards  over to people like Randy & Peggy, whose come-on is:

Just think…for the rest of your life, people will hear the phrase “bestselling author” whenever you’re being introduced.

Randy & Peggy have several self-published books to their credit, including the  "Proactive Success – The Amazing New Science of Personal Achievement," "On Being a Dog With A Bone," "Success Bound: Breaking Free of Mediocrity" and "The Eight Proven Secrets to Smart Success." They also have a company called "Bargain Publishing Inc." Hmm.

Randy, who likes to call himself  "Dr. Proactive," also hosts  "The Inside Success Show" Internet radio program and, get this, he actually managed to score an interview with  Peggy! Wow.  On his website, he says he was "priviledged" to interview her and he offers you this fantastic, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:

Gold  Member Mania!  Click here and learn how to become a Gold Member  so you can hear all our shows, plus
download convenient MP3’s,  plus get discounts on other products,  and  get much much more.  (All shows are now valued at over   $2,000, plus  you get two other Gold Memberships and Mega-Bonuses.)

Such a deal! But I’ve got to wonder…  how good can their advice be if their idea of a brilliant promotional move is  to post their get-rich-quick come-ons on my blog? Here’s my key to success and I’ll give it to you absolutely free (you don’t even have to be a Gold Member) — stay away from get-rich-quick schemers and Internet scammers who say they’ll make you a bestselling author.  Spend your money instead on some good creative writing courses from established authors (like my brother Tod). Work on making your writing better and learning your craft.  You become a bestselling author by writing great books — not by writing checks.