The Presumptuous Stranger

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A successful screenwriter I know recently shared with me an experience he had with a stranger that's becoming more and more common these days among my writer friends who have any kind of online presence…

A complete stranger sent me an email informing me of the glorious news that he's coming to LA to try to sell his book as a TV series, and that he wants me to have lunch with him to tell him how the business works. He presents this as something of a treat for me.

I want to be polite, so I told him that I will be out of town that weekend, but good luck.

He writes back and asks for an agent recommendation.

I told him the only agent I know is my own, and he is not even considering taking on new clients, but good luck.

So he writes back and asks me to read his spec pilot.

Now I feel like the Terminator, running down that list of appropriate responses, from "No, but thanks for asking" to "Which part of fuck off and die did you fail to understand?"

I have had this experience so many times myself  that I now believe that being polite to these presumptuous strangers is a mistake, that it's seen as an invitation to intrude even further. So now I am very blunt. I tell strangers the obvious — that I don't know them at all, that I am very busy, and that I have have no interest in meeting them or reading their work.  I get one of three responses: 1) a polite "thank you,"  2) a nasty diatribe about how I'm an ungrateful, self-centered, selfish, insecure prick or 3) no response at all.

But I do wonder what is going through the minds of these strangers. Do they really expect me to drop everything to meet someone I have never met before, online or otherwise? It would be different if we were "pen pals" and had established a relationship of some kind… but these are complete strangers I am talking about. Do they think just because we have websites, or blogs, or Facebook and Twitter accounts, that we are at their beck-and-call?

The Lost Gunsmoke Novel

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James Reasoner raves on his blog about Joseph A. West's new novel SHOOTOUT AT PICTURE ROCK which, as it turns out, was actually written as a GUNSMOKE tie-in novel. West revealed the backstory in a comment on the blogpost:

SHOOTOUT AT PICTURE ROCK began its life as the 7th novel in my GUNSMOKE series, but my publisher and Universal couldn't agree on financial terms. Finally my editor said: "The hell with it, we'll publish the book as a stand alone." Then, with many a merry quip, he added: "Big hurry, Joe. Change the names and send it back to me yesterday." Of course, there was a lot more involved than simply changing Matt Dillon to Kilcoyn. I had to saw the novel apart then rebuild it, the deadline hanging over my head like the proverbial sword. In the end, poor, ink-stained wretch that I am, I got the job done and Shootout was the result. Ah, I love the publishing business so much, just sitting here thinking about it brings a tear to my eye.

Fascinating stuff.

The House Name

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Author James Reasoner, the hardest working guy in publishing, talks about what it's like to have most of his work published under "house names" — author bylines owned by the publisher — like Tabor Evans, for instance. He says, in part:

At last count, novels and stories I’ve written have been published under at least 35 different names.[…]

In the past month I’ve worked on projects that will be published under four different names, none of them my own. People have asked me, “How can you write a book knowing that your name won’t be on it?” For years my standard answer was, “I don’t care as long as my name is on the check.” Of course that’s not completely true, now or then. Writing has been my job for more than three decades now, and getting paid is important. But most writers love to see a new book with their name on it, and I’m no different. If we didn’t have egos, it probably wouldn’t even occur to us that people might want to read what we write, would it? I’ve been blessed with the ability to put those feelings aside when I’m working, at least to a certain extent. When I’m sitting at the computer, the words appearing on the monitor are my words. The book I’m writing is mine. When it’s published, my name may not be anywhere on it, but that has no bearing on the writing itself. I know it’s good, and I feel a surge of pride when I see the books in the store and know that people are reading them and enjoying them. So when you come right down to it, the answer to the question “Who am I today?” is simple and always the same.

I’m a guy writing a book, spinning a yarn. That’s all I ever wanted to be.

Mr. Monk and the Promo

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My short story "Mr. Monk and the Seventeen Steps," an excerpt from my January 2011 novel MR. MONK ON THE ROAD, will be published in the December issue of Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, which will be out in October. The editors of the magazine asked me to make a trailer for the short story. Don't ask me why. I think they were drunk. I must have been, too, because I went ahead and made it.

 

Lori Jareo’d

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No surprise:  Faster than you can say "Lori Jareo, " delusional fanficcer Lady Sybilla's self-published TWILIGHT sequel RUSSET NOON has been yanked off of Amazon. It's also now "on hold" on CreateSpace.

Lady Sybilla issued a press release after Hachette Group slapped her, Amazon and CreateSpace with a cease & desist order. She says, in part:

[…]However, the question still remains: Is this the end of Russet Noon? Does Lady Sybilla really need Amazon in order to continue to sell her controversial book?

And, last but not least, will Hachette Book Group go as far as suing Lady Sybilla in order to get a judge to determine whether or not Russet Noon is a parody?

Only time will tell.

For the time being, Russet Noon is still for sale via its official website at www.sequel-to-breaking-dawn.com. Moreover, according to a statement issued today by AV Paranormal Publishing, "Lady Sybilla has no intention of backing down. She will gladly stand before a judge to prove that Hachette's claims are unsubstantiated and that Russet Noon is, in fact, a parody, as it has undergone major rewrites since its online publication in 2009."

Let the legal battles begin.

Oh, I hope this goes to court. Hilarity will ensue.

It’s All About Buzz

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If you read the newspapers, the blogs and the trades, there's no question that MAD MEN is a huge critical and popular hit.

But if you look at the numbers, it's a different story.

On Sunday, MAD MEN, drew 2.2 million viewers and scored a 0.8 rating. THE GLADES, which isn't getting nearly the same amount of buzz or adoration, drew 3.1 million and the same rating. THE GLADES also out-performed HBO's HUNG (2.5 million, 1.4) and ENTOURAGE (2.6 million, 1.5) in eyeballs, if not rating.

So THE GLADES has more viewers than ENTOURAGE, HUNG, and MAD MEN… and yet isn't drawing anywhere near the same amount of media attention or adoration. Which, I suppose, may prove it's not how many viewers are actually watching your show that makes you a hit… it's how many people in the media say that you are one.

 

“Stories That Drip Crap Out of Every Electronic Orifice”

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The glow blogger/author Bryon Quertermous sees outside his window tonight is from the horde of enraged, self-published authors burning his effigy. He took a shot at self-published e-authors and their readers today on the aptly named Do Some Damage blog that isn't going to make him a lot of friends among the "indie writer" crowd. He wrote, in part:

[…] Other than improper use of grammar, mistakes regarding guns, and swearing, nothing seems to bother the legion of readers snapping up these Kindle books for $.99 with awful writing, poorly developed characters, and stories that just generally drip crap out of every electronic orifice. […] But it doesn't seem to bother readers. Sure, they'll comment on it in an Amazon review or whatever, but then mention that they still loved the story and will buy the next book by the author.

But my biggest insult comes from the fact that they don't seem to distinguish AT ALL the difference between an author who has slaved and sacrificed and put in the hard work to make their book the best they can be then run the gauntlet of gatekeepers, rules, traditions, whims, luck, and corporate landmines that hold together the publishing industry or the author who gave up on the traditional route and slapped up a rough draft with some zippy copy and a garish self-designed cover with some blurbs from their mom and their old aunts writing group. It's hard some days when the writing isn't coming or the rejections are coming too fast and I want to give up. But I've known all along that I don't just want to be published, I want to be published right. Call me elitist, call me traditional or stuffy or whatever, but that's what I signed on for and that's what I'm working toward.

So do you agree with him? Or are you going to bring the matches to the effigy-burning?