The Mail I Get – Bizarro Edition

King-JoffreyI got a follow-up today from one of the people I mentioned in yesterday’s post. To refresh your memory, here’s the email that he sent me and my reply:

Dear Lee Goldberg, I wish to send you two types of screen play to have you see my writing talent. Please request for script. Thank you, David.

I replied: Why would I request your scripts, David? I don’t hire screenwriters and I am not an agent. I have no interest in your writing talent. My interest is exploiting in my own 🙂

Now here’s the follow-up that I got from him today…

Dear Lee Goldberg,

I wish to Inform you that I am His Majesty King David Yomi-Alli. The King. I have a vast domain of which you might not be able to comprehend and as such would not bother you with the details. Nevertheless, I am acquainted with your work from which I have developed my writing skills. My mission Is to use this acquired skill mixed with faith and talent to meet America’s most troubling needs. Needs such as quenching the US Mountain of debt by bringing together the treasure In people and land…

I am sure you can understand what treasure In person Is, Say for Instance you are a very talented Tv Series writer. Yes, you have earn the big bucks. What of If you use that same talent to write about the British Industrial revolution and Inspire another Industrial revolution In the midst of an Economic catastrophe…

I have plenty Ideas, you can present any to some of your collys In the Industry In America. KING DAVID

This guy has got to be putting me on. He followed up that email with a list of titles of spec scripts that he has written, under the heading “HM King David Writing Services.” He then adds:


I have chated to high profile ladys Including Barbara Bush, Chelsea Clinton, Princess Beatrice, the list Is endless nevertheless I have resorted to date, court and wed an American Physician who I think would be good on and to me and of benefit to the people.

I await your response.


Your Majesty, I, too, have a vast domain that spans not only this universe, but several alternate dimensions, including one where the entire civilization is based on an episode of Baywatch that I wrote. I’m afraid I have no interest in your screenplays, or writing about the British industrial revolution, or learning about the “endless” list of prominent women you have chatted with. I do, however, congratulate you on your engagement to an American doctor. For your sake, I hope she is a psychiatrist. Yours truly, His Majesty King Lee Goldberg, Grand Poobah of the Realm, Master of the TriTip.