Scam of the Month

Tom Schantz , well known in book circles for running the RUe Morgue bookshop in Boulder for many years, unearthed this scam from www.bookreview.com:

Get your book listed on BookReview.com!

Here at BookReview.com
we often find ourselves digging out of an avalanche of newbooks. After much consideration, we have decided to offer two new [paid] services to help you get your book listed and/or reviewed on BookReview.com quickly and easily.

Our New Author Listing will allow you to post a description of your book in our New Author database. Your listing will include the title, author name, isbn number, category, publisher, web address, and a description of your book. It will automatically link to Amazon.com so that visitors to the site can purchase your book. While the listing is not a review and therefore can not be used in your promotional materials, it is still a great opportunity for publicity. Your book will be searchable by author or title in our advanced search section. Each New Author Listing costs $20, which can be paid with MasterCard or Visa on our secure server, or with a check via snail mail.

Our Express Review Service guarantees that your book is placed at the top of the reviewers’ pile. At a cost of $125 per book, this service guarantees that one of our professional reviewers will read and review your book within 15 business days of receiving it. The review will be posted on BookReview.com as well as Amazon.com and will be eligible to become a BookReview.com Book of the Month.

Once the review is completed, you are free to use any part of it in your promotional materials as long as BookReview.com is credited.

Paying for a review… now there’s a good idea. I wonder if they will even let you write it yourself…or do they charge extra for that?

Obviously, there’s no limit how far some people will go to take advantage of authors desperate for publication and recognition. I wonder how many iUniverse/Publish America authors, who’ve already paid plenty to get their unpublished books published, will shell out for this scam?

Montgomery’s Law #7

This note about “accuracy” in fiction was posted by David Montgomery on DorothyL… it gave me a smile, so I thought I’d share it with you:

Something to remember when it comes to truth in fiction…

Montgomery’s Law # 7:
“Everyone is dissatisfied when the subject is their own area of expertise. But no one else cares.”

Lawyers get upset about legal inaccuracies on Law & Order.

Nurses & doctors get peeved by ER.

Cops laugh at NYPD Blue.

As for the rest of the audience, they neither know, nor do they care. Writers should be slaves to the plot, not to the “facts.”

You can find an expanded version of Montgomery’s Rule #7 on his blog… http://crimefiction.blogspot.com/2004/09/truth-in-fiction.html

Packer Packs Punch

On writer Ed Gorman’s blog, he writes about the upcoming reprint of two of Vin Packer’s vintage Gold Medal thrillers. I thought the way he described Packer’s characters was eloquent…and entertaining in its own right.

What unites the two types of Packer books is what the people of both worlds have in common–secrets. Terrible secrets. Secrets that eat at them like a feverish disease. Secrets that will ultimately destoy them–they’ll explode if these secrets are revealed; they’ll implode when they reach the point where they can no longer drag themselves through another day of the masquerade.

The secrets can be sexual, financial, social, criminal. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that they’re hiding out inside themselves, trying to cauterize their wounds with drink, drugs in the later books, sex, vengeance, rage. Of course, these spiritual sedatives produce nothing more than further–and sometimes fatal–alienation.

I also learned something I didn’t know before: hardboiled Vin Packer was actually the pseudonym of a woman — Marijane Meaker.

Follow the Bouncing Bond

Variety reports that Sony is acquiring MGM/UA… which adds an interesting new twist to the Bond saga.

Years ago, long before DR. NO, writer/producer John McClory collaborated with 007 author Ian Fleming on an original Bond screenplay entitled THUNDERBALL. When the movie went nowhere, Fleming adapted it into a novel of the same name… which eventually became the basis for the fourth 007 movie…and thus began a long legal battle between MGM/UA and McClory, who claimed the right to make his own Bond movies. After decades of wrangling, McClory produced NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, a remake of THUNDERBALL, for Warner Brothers starring Sean Connery. After that, McClory periodically announced new Bond pictures, none of which ever came to fruition.

A few years ago, McClory struck a deal with Sony, which announced a new, rival series of Bond movies to be produced by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich. That sparked a new legal war between MGM/UA and Sony. The conflict was settled when MGM agreed to buy NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN and all rights to the movie from Sony… thus ending any chance of a rival 007 series.

The End is Never The End in this saga (Hey, that sounds like the title of a Bond movie, doesn’t it?) Now Sony not only gets back NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN but, it seems, the entire Bond franchise as well.

I’m Not Incoherent — an apology

You may have noticed in some of my recent posts and comments that my typing sucks… not to mention my proofreading. Please forgive me… my typing skills still haven’t recovered from my accident and my sloppy proofreading, well, that’s a byproduct of dashing off these blog entries between working on scripts and books… and then not looking back. Please forgive me…I’m not nearly as incoherent as I may appear…

Lee

Authenticity on Television

On the DorothyL digest, a mailing list for mystery fans, someone wrote:

Someone said they couldn’t watch Hawaii because they lived there, and someone else said they couldn’t watch CSI because of all the mistakes.

That’s how I feel about medical shows. First, it’s too much like being at work. Second, none of them get it right. That includes ER and especially Diagnosis Murder. I spend too much time yelling at the TV, and don’t enjoy it. I can’t do the “suspension of reality” thing with medical shows. So I gave up watching them, and watch the shows with subject matters that I don’t have a background in.

I hear this complaint a lot… so I decided to reply, and here’s what I said:

It doesn’t bug me that characters on TV can always get a parking space on a busy street, right in front of where they are going… or that buildings identified as “Police Headquarters” or “Community General Hospital” are actually something else in real life…or that a street a character drives down in a chase doesn’t actually intersect with the next street we see the car on… those are simply the realities of creating a fictional reality… of using the “real world” as stage.

As for the medical, legal, and forensic gaffes in shows like Diagnosis Murder, Missing, and Hunter (to name a few shows I’ve been associated with), there are lots of reasons. One, sometimes reality doesn’t work for the demands of telling a compelling, fast-moving story in 46 minutes (do you really want to wait weeks for DNA on “CSI”? Or doesn’t it make more sense for story-telling purposes to get it in 10 seconds?). Two, we aren’t doctors, FBI agents, or cops… nor are we writing/producing documentaries… errors of fact are inevitable. And three, accuracy isn’t our priority… entertainment is. It’s all make-believe anyway. As long as you are entertained, does it really matter? We always make up things that don’t exist in fiction… and sometimes where reality and fiction collide, there are errors. I shrug most of them off.

Writing Partnerships

On my website discussion board, someone asked me about the pros-and-cons of writing partnerships…. so I dug up this article I wrote on the subject a decade ago. I thought you might enjoy it:
Lee_and_bill

Screenwriting Partnerships

The meeting with the TV series producer was going very badly. We were going to lose the writing assignment until, as a joke, I suggested we add a dozen scantily clad models and a psycho killer to the plot. Bill grimaced in embarrassment. The producer thought the idea was brilliant. We had a sale.

At that moment, Bill probably was torn he was glad he had a partner… and wished his partner had died in a car crash on the way to the meeting.

Perhaps that is the nature of partnerships. Everything is torn in half: emotions, responsibility credits, and., worst of all, paychecks.

When I was a kid, and dreamed of my name in lights, the name I saw was MINE, and mine alone. I saw it on book jackets, TV screens, movie posters … a “shared credit” never entered my mind.

But now, most of the time, I share the credit with William Rabkin Not just the credit, but the money, the work, and everything that goes along with it.

So I’ve revised my dreams a bit. When I see my name in lights, there’s another right next to it. And that’s okay by me.

It’s not that I don’t like writing alone, I just like writing with Bill better, for some simple reasons. For one, I like the company. I like hashing out the idea, developing the story, and overcoming the obstacles of actually writing the script with someone else. Like sex, writing is a lot more fun with a partner than doing it all alone. It’s also motivating. We nag each other far better than our individual consciences would

Of course, we argue a lot. But out of those fights actually come better ideas. It shakes us out of complacency, out of going the easy way, out of using those same tired cliches. And it scares the hell out of our assistants, who are convinced that we are killing each other behind our closed doors.

After one such row, our assistant came into my office, gravely concerned. He wanted to know if we were “okay.” Sure, I said, we were just brainstorming. He didn’t buy it. So he went into Bill’s office, and asked if him the same question. Bill said, are you kidding? We’re on a roll! The assistant decided we were both in extreme denial and that our partnership was doomed.

Of course, the arguing isn’t restricted to our offices. We were once on a series with a small staff, four writers in all, including us. The executive producer was a kind, fair¬individual who felt everyone had an equal say in the direction of the series so he warned us he didn’t want us to always present a united front, to use our partnership as a blunt instrument to cram ideas down his throat.

We left his office, and thought to ourselves, what a brilliant idea! We had never thought of being a power block before, much less a blunt instrument. So, we decided to give it a try. We would always agree publicly, and argue privately. So the next meeting we went in, I presented a story idea, and Bill promptly said “that is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.” So much for the power block idea. If he hadn’t done it, I probably would have. Such is partnership. It can’t be locked in an office.

I’m also a better writer with Bill than I am on my own. We are hard on each other. We force one another to go beyond “good enough” and to try for something better … and usually harder. And we are good at different things, we compensate for each other’s weaknesses and enhance each other’s strong points. Sometimes it can be confusing.

We work differently on different scripts. For example, on one script we divided acts. I did Act One, he did Act Two, and then we switched. I was enraged to discovered he had created a subplot that didn’t exist before. How could he do that without talking to me first? Probably the same way I added a new character in Act One and forgot to mention it to him. As it turned out, both changes helped the script enormously.

On those occasions when a script is due next week, and I wake up without the creativity to write a grocery list, it’s nice to know Bill is there to pick up the slack. And vice versa. It’s especially nice when one of us has to leave town two days before the deadline we know the other poor schlub will do the work. Of course, the downside is schlub duty is shared, too. It’s also great when it comes to pitching, and later story meetings, too. I tend to dive, roll, and come up firing literally when describing an action sequence. Bill, on the other hand, will discuss the thematic, symbolic, metaphoric and religious implications of a scene, and how it relates to great scenes in film history. We know whatever the sensibility of the executive, one of us can deal with it. On one weird occasion, we were facing producers whose partnership was frighteningly similar to our own. At casual moments, Bill would discuss with one producer how our project evoked Faulkner, while I would debate with the other which actor was the best James Bond.

On another, abortive, project, Bill was so frustrated by a producer’s indecision, that when he tried to tell the guy off, he couldn’t find the words. So, I said, “what Bill wants to say is that you change your mind constantly and have no idea what you want. Call us when you get a clue,” and I walked out. Finding words for one another often extends, we have learned, beyond the keyboard.

We have strong egos, but that doesn’t seem to get in our way, either. We view the finished product as /our/ script not HIS lines and MY lines, but /our/ lines. Our styles are so alike, and we work over the scenes so many times, who did what blurs.

It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m just as proud or our shared credit as I was of my single one.

I just wish he didn’t get half of my money

Book’em, Dano

stevemcgVariety reports that Warner Brothers has snagged the rights to do a feature film version of Hawaii 5-0.

This is not the first time studios have tried to revive the classic TV series… dozens of feature scripts based on the series have died in development over the years. But before going the feature route, CBS quietly enlisted Stephen J. Cannell and former network president Kim LeMasters to steer a TV revival. A one-hour pilot was shot, with Gary Busey and Russell Wong splitting the McGarrett role…and with several old regulars from the original series making cameo appearances (including James McArthur as Danny Williams, now Governor of Hawaii, and Kam Fong’s Chin Ho character, who was killed off in the last season of the show).

The unsold pilot was dreadful and mercifully never aired…though bootleg copies have been circulating among 5-0 fans for years.

I Blame The Penis

beyondblogI was reading the Bookslut article on book cover design, and it reminded me of my experience with St. Martins Press on my novel, BEYOND THE BEYOND.

When my editor sent me the cover, I was horrified. I called him up immediately.

“There’s a giant penis on the cover of my book!” I said.

“That’s not a penis,” he replied calmly. “That’s a rocket ship.”

“I’ve seen rocket ships, and I’ve seen penises,” I said. “That is definitely a penis.”

“Lee, You don’t understand cover design, marketing, or publishing the way we do,” he said. “Leave this to the professionals.”

“It’s a penis and it’s against a bright yellow background,” I said. “No bookstore in the country is going to display this book. You’re killing the book before its even published.”

“We’ve been publishing books for a very long time,” He said. “I think we know a little bit more about how to sell books than you do.”

So they went ahead with the cover. And when I went on my book tour, one bookseller after another told me the same thing — “We can’t display this book, there’s a penis on the cover! What were you thinking?”

The book got terrific reviews from the LA Times, Entertainment Weekly, Publishers Weekly and many others.. but the sales sucked and I never sold the book into paperback.

I blame the penis.

I learned two lessons from this. Publishers don’t know any more about bookselling than I do… and people DO judge a book by its cover.

How to Write Like a Porn Star

I laughed out loud reading Steve Almond’s review of Jenna Jameson’s new book “How To Make Love Like a Porn Star” at the online magazine The Nerve. Here’s an excerpt from her book and the review:

“At one show, when a guy threw a penny at me, I kicked him in the throat with my heel. I got in constant fights with local dancers — I even hocked a loogie in one girl’s face — and had guys thrown out of the club on a nightly basis. If some asshole dared to touch me, I’d reward him with a backhand to the skull. I was out of control. It was awesome.”
Take that, Condi Rice.
Those who are concerned about reading 579 pages of such prose should take heart. There are a lot of photos. In most, Jameson is naked from the waist up. Her breasts are the approximate size, shape, and elasticity of her head.