Current Affairs

“Not Ready For Publication” Authors

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Novelist Karin Gillespie keeps running into a self-published author on the bookselling/hyping circuit and it’s pissing her off. 

Writing a book doesn’t make someone an author anymore than applying
a Band-Aid to a skinned knee makes someone a doctor. Reviewers of large
newspapers, publishing people and most media outlets can spot these
so-called “authors” fairly readily, but how can the average Joe tell
the difference between a real writer and a dilettante?

I know
I sound petty, but as a writer who went through a great deal of trouble
to learn my craft, I’m annoyed that my efforts and other authors’
efforts are diluted by not-ready-for-publication authors.

After
all, the public is deluged with plenty of traditionally published
books; it shouldn’t have to sort through the efforts of amateurs as
well.

Yikes.  I hope she owns a Kevlar vest.  My sister-in-law Wendy apparently hasn’t learned anything watching all the trouble her husband and brother-in-law get into expressing their opinions on self-publishing, fanfic, and well, just about everything. She dives head-first into the controversy with:

I can say I agree with the sentiment that self publishing, well, doesn’t count as being published.  Printed yes, published no.

Boo hiss. Tar and feather me. I am not a friend of the artist. I’m elitist; a cog in corporate America’s machine to destroy fresh, young voices. Oh, grow up.

I have this theory: not everyone deserves to be published. It’s not like kindergarten where every kid gets a gold star for showing up. It’s more like high school where not every graduating senior has the academic chops to gain admittance to Harvard. A harsh reality for anyone with a dream, but a reality nonetheless.

They are both echoing the fine advice that Richard Wheeler left on this blog the other day. Even so, I’m sure these posts are bound to create a firestorm of anger among the PublishAmerica an iUniverse customers who call themselves published authors.

The Hazards of Emmy Voting

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It’s Emmy time… that’s the glorious time of year when members of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences get inundated with DVDs  of all the best TV shows (sitcoms and dramas), MOWs and miniseries that have aired on network, cable, and pay cable in the last year. (Fellow scribe Paul Guyot lists on his blog today  some of the goodies we’ve already received).

The great thing about Emmy time is that you get to see all the stuff you missed during the season… the very best episodes of every show on the air…in beautiful DVD transfers with no commericals.

The bad news is… there are a LOT of shows on each season. HUNDREDS.  Every year.  Which raises the question: What the hell are you supposed to do with all those DVDs when you’re done?

Used to be you could donate them to your local library (for their collection, NOT for re-selling), give them to friends,  tape over them (back in the days of VHS), or simply throw them out.

But you can’t do that any more. Things have become  so Orwellian in the fight against piracy that all the DVDs (and the occasional VHS) are encoded with some digital marker that can be traced right back to you. Which means if you toss your DVDs, and your  friendly trash man digs’em up and rips 1500o bootleg copies to sell on the streets, you could be fined hundreds of thousands of dollars, drummed out of the ATAS, perhaps even go to prison, just for emptying your garbage.

This is a serious problem for us big-shot Hollywood  Emmy voters. Those DVDs and tapes really stack up. So what’s the answer? An AMPTP exec recently joked that you should smash your DVDs with a sledgehammer and run your car over your tapes. Come to think of it…maybe he wasn’t joking.

There’s No Laundry Room in Neverland

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17701056I’m sure you’ve seen the Halloween costumes that Michael Jackson has been wearing to court.  But did you know he never wears the same one twice? And did you know he has a personal wardrobe consultant who dresses him every morning? The LA Times interviewed his costumers Michael Bush (no relation to George) and Dennis Tompkins  today.

Each day, Bush wakes at 3 a.m. to drive the day’s outfit — typically a
colorful print vest and a suit with military details — from his home
studio in Los Feliz up the 101 Freeway to Neverland Ranch. There,
between 6 and 7 a.m., he dresses Jackson, who always says "Thank you"
and gives him a hug, Bush says. The designer returns by midafternoon,
in time to help Tompkins put the finishing touches on the next day’s
look. Tompkins makes most of Jackson’s costumes with a single fitting.
The pair create his courtroom wardrobe using the "Michael mannequin,"
built to the singer’s exact dimensions.

Perhaps what they are most proud of is that Jackson has never worn the same thing twice.

"We have two or three tailors around town making jackets because we can’t make them fast enough," Bush says.

Otherworlders Unite!

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An important message from Otherworlder Central Fan Command.  There’s a huge global following that will line up to  see a feature film version of OTHERWORLD with the original
cast. Sam Groom rules. It’s a crime he never won an Emmy for his powerful performances.  You aren’t human if the opening narration doesn’t move you, doesn’t haunt your soul forever:

Otherworld"Other worlds lie outside our seeing. Beyond the beyond. At the edge…
of within. The Great Pyramid, erected by the ancient ones as a
barricade. At the portal between two dimensions, two separate
realities. This is the story of one family, drawn through a mysterious
vortex into the other world and of their perilous trek homeward."

We never got to see them get home. That is just wrong. We didn’t get the final episode we deserve because of the suits at the network.  OTHERWORLD fans from all corners of the globe are rallying to support this urgent cause.
We have already designed the DVD box, movie poster and network promos. Look for our full-page
advertisements in the Hollywood Reporter, Parade Magazine,  Dog Fancy and American Spectator.

Important Message from The International Confederation of Rangers

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Stlgrangers3There are a significant number of fans who would like to see a feature film version of SPACE RANGERS with the original cast. We never got the final episode we deserve due to political issues at the network.  The fans are uniting around this very important cause. We have already designed the movie poster. Look for our full-page advertisements in Daily Variety,  Starlog, Adult Video News and Highlights for Children.  You can make a difference!

How Not To Get a Blurb

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A self-published author sent me a generic email asking me to read his book and blurb it. I’ve taken out his name, and the title of the book, as a courtesy:

I am  about to launch the XYZ novels, which are
legal/crime thrillers. I would love to get a blurb from you for the first novel
in this series, XYZ.  I have attached the first few chapters for
your review and will be happy to send the full book upon request.  I
thoroughly believe that you will find this book compelling and will be proud to
have your name associated with it, otherwise I wouldn’t intrude upon your
valuable time.

As compelling as his personal endorsement of his own book is, that’s not a good enough reason for me to read his novel.  In fact, this solicitation is a classic example of how to not to get an author to read your book. For instructions on how to do it right, check out author Gregg Hurwitz’s checklist of dos-and-don’ts for blurb pitching.