Film and Television

What is the Appeal?

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There are three actors that the networks continually cast as TV series leads — despite the fact that the shows these guys star in consistently bomb. I’m talking, of course, about Steven Eckholdt, Christopher Gorham, and Eric Balfour (the list used to include Jason Gedrick and Ivan Sergei, but it seems the networks have finally wised up to them).

Steveneckholdt2
Eckholdt has just been cast as one of the stars of the CBS pilot SPLIT DECISION despite a string of bombs like HALF & HALF, MY BIG FAT GREEK LIFE, GRAPEVINE, and IT’S LIKE YOU KNOW.  He’s apparently the kiss-of-death for any series…but the networks keep going back to him again and again. What is it about him that makes him so darn castable?

Christophergorham_jake20_240
Gorham’s CBS sitcom OUT OF PRACTICE has just been shelved…making this his fourth flop series in a row, following MEDICAL INVESTIGATION, JAKE 2.0, and ODYSSEY 5. What do you want to bet he’ll show up in  yet another series next season? Networks keep betting on him…and losing. So why do they continue?

Ericbalfour
Balfour is currently one of the stars of the ratings-challenged CONVICTION, but his past series flops include SEX LIES AND SECRETS, HAWAII, and VERITAS. Casting directors obviously fell in love with him for his guest-starring role on SIX FEET UNDER, but does that make him a series lead? So far, the evidence seems to be  NO.

What is it, exactly, that casting directors see in these guys? And how
much longer will they keeping getting starring roles in pilots before someone decides that they are never going to be the  next George Clooney… or even Robert Urich?

Crime Doesn’t Pay

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Variety reports that the ratings for the premiere of THIEF on FX were underwhelming, posting the network’s lowest ratings yet for the launch of a new drama series. This comes on the heels of the poor performance of the similarly-themed HEIST on NBC last week, despite a lead-in from LAW AND ORDER. Both shows track a gang of thieves as they prepare for a major score.

Debut episode [of THIEF] posted a 1.1 national rating/3
share and 1.4 million adults 18-49, putting it behind a new episode of
"The Real World" (1.3/3, 1.7 million). "Thief" tied in the demo with
Discovery Channel’s "Deadliest Catch," which aired at 9.

FX execs remain optimistic, pointing out that ratings for "Thief" are on par
with the most recent season of "The Shield" (2.8 million overall, 1.8
million in 18-49), which was considered a success by all accounts.
Six-episode series starring Andre Braugher as the leader of a
vault-robbing team also earned raves from critics.

The Worst of Ken

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Emmy-award winning screenwriter Ken Levine shares some of his worst:

1. WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN?

It’s hard to top (or bottom) AfterMASH. Take the three weakest
characters of MASH, put them in the hilarious confines of a Veteran’s
Hospital and you have a recipe for classic comedy.

For me, it would be a toss-up between the "Rookie School" episode of BAYWATCH (mob moll hides from hitmen in lifeguard training camp!), which I think tops our "Armored Car" episode, which Rolling Stone called the worst episode of television ever written. They must have missed our episode of THE HIGHWAYMAN.

I’m Listening

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I’m still out-of-town, so here’s another oldie-but-goodie from the early days of this blog…

I went into a meeting with a major TV producer with an over-all
series deal at a big studio. He brought his nine-year-old daughter into
the meeting. I was midway through the pitch when the producer got a
phone call.

“I’m gonna take this outside,” he said, heading for the door, “but please keep going.”

And he left me alone with his daughter.”Go on,” she said, her pencil poised on a notepad, “I’m listening.”

Is a Story Really Necessary?

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While I’m away, here’s another golden oldie from the early days of the blog…


    

Not too long ago,
I spoke about screenwriting and breaking into television at a writer’s
conference in San Francisco. Afterwards, I mingled with the attendees and had some
bizarre conversations. Here’s a sampling…

"I’ve written a novel and everyone tells me it’s a script," one woman said. "How do I turn it into a script?"

"Well, you write a script." I said.

She stared at me. "How do I do that?"

"You get a book or take a course, learn the principles of screenwriting, and then you write a script."

"That’s too much work," she said. "Isn’t there software that can do all of that for me?"

"Yeah," I said. "The same way Microsoft Word wrote your book for you."

* * * * * *

Another person came up to me and asked me if I wrote for television. I said yes.  She then asked, "How do you do that?"

"You mean, how do I write for television?"

"Yes," she said.

"I write screenplays," I said.

"Which is what, exactly?"

"The story, the action, the words that the characters say," I replied.

She stared at me. "Somebody writes that?"

"Yes,"
I said, resisting the urge to strangle her. "It’s like a writing a
play, only for the camera instead of a theatre audience."

She shook her head.  "No, it’s not."

* * * * * *
"I’ve written  a book but everyone tells me it s a TV series," the man said.  "How do I make it into a TV series."

"You
can’t, " I said, and gave my standard speech about how ideas are cheap
and execution is everything, how networks go to people with TV
experience, or who have written hit movies, or who have written
bestselling novels, blah blah blah. And when I got done, he stared at
me. I got stared at a lot that day.

He said:  "How can I get around that?"

"You can’t," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because
you haven’t established yourself as a writer in any field," I said.
"Why would a network, studio or producer buy a TV series idea from you?"

"Because I’m smarter and more talented than they are," he said.

"It’s not going to happen," I said.

"Is it because I’m black?" he said. "That’s it, isn’t it. It’s because I’m black."

* * * * * *

"Did you have to sleep with a lot of people to get into TV?" a woman asked me.

"Just my wife," I said.

"You were lucky it wasn’t someone else," she said and walked away.

* * * * * *
"I
have a great idea for a movie," a woman said to me. "What’s the market
like for true stories about black lesbians in the 1880s?"

"I
don’t think studios are looking for scripts to fill that particular
niche," I said, "but there’s always a market for good stories that are
told well."

"Oh," she said. "That’s going to make it a lot harder to sell."
* * * * * *
"Mysteries
are hard work," a man said to me. "Could I write an episode of a
mystery show but leave out the mystery for someone else to do?"

"No," I said.

"But my talent is character and I’m brilliant with dialogue," he said. "I really don’t know how to plot a mystery."

"Then don’t write a mystery," I said.

"But that’s what’s selling," he said.

"Don’t try to write what’s selling," I said. "Write what you enjoy. Write the story you want to tell."

"The thing is, I don’t know how to tell stories," he said. "But I write killer dialogue. Is a story really necessary?"

"Yes," I said.

"You
people in Hollywood don’t make it easy, do you? That’s the problem with
the Industry. They are constantly creating obstacles so people can’t
get in."

   

A Set of Jumper Cables for Your Script

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Here’s some great writing advice from Jane Espenson:

                                                                                        SHADY GUY
                                            I promised you a half-ton of frozen fish.  That’s a
                                            half-ton of frozen fish.

When
we hear that, we know that the previous line was some kind of protest
about whether or not Shady Guy met his end of the bargain. We’ve
established the attitude of both characters by the end of line.

As
you look through your own writing, you may very well discover that
you’ve been doing this automatically, too. If not, try knocking off a
few opening lines, see if it doesn’t jump-start the scene!

Dem BONES

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Variety reports today that Fox has picked up BONES, based on the Kathy Reichs novels, for a full 22-episodes next season… but the future isn’t looking so bright for the new midseason crime dramas HEIST, CONVICTION or THE EVIDENCE, which are suffering from anemic ratings. HEIST was partially undone by poor lead-in from LAW AND ORDER, which reportedly had it’s weakest ratings in 15 years, presumably thanks to its new 9 pm Wednesday timeslot.

It Takes a TV Guide

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Will Smith is out to unseat Owen Wilson (I SPY, STARSKY & HUTCH) and Colin Farrell (SWAT, MIAMI VICE) as the go-to guy for theatrical remake of TV shows. After ruining THE WILD WILD WEST, Smith is tackling IT TAKES A THIEF, which starred Robert Wagner as a convicted thief who is forced into becoming a spy for the government. Variety reports:

Smith and his Overbrook
Entertainment partner James
Lassiter have come aboard to produce the film with Kevin
Misher, John Davis and Joe Singer. "Four Brothers" scribes David
Elliot and Paul Lovett are set to write the script.

Davis and Singer set up the project at Universal nearly a decade ago, when it
was envisioned as a potential starring vehicle for Michael
Douglas. Studio has had Smith in its sights for several years,
but the project just recently gained forward motion with a fresh take and new
writers.