Television

Mid-Season Replacements

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I got this email today:

I was hoping you could answer a few really quick questions about mid-season
replacements for me…

How do the networks regard these shows? Are they
second string that didn’t make the first cut? Or pinch hitters that the network
has been waiting to air? If the latter, why do they hold onto them until
mid-season? What is the strategy behind this?

The fact is, most shows fail. The networks go into the fall season
knowing that it’s very likely that virtually all their new series will not
survive. They need replacements to immediately fill the slots vacated by
low-performing shows that they are forced to cancel. That doesn’t mean
mid-season shows are lesser, second string programming… but, in some cases,
they are riskier/specialized/quirky fare that need special promotional and
scheduling attention that isn’t possible while launching & advertising an
entire fall schedule.  Remember, many hit shows began as midseason programs…
SEINFELD and GREY’S ANATOMY, for example.

Auto-Pilot

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TV writer Paul Guyot continues his unflinchingly honest and informative chronicle on the development and production of  the pilot he wrote for TNT. The network subsequently brought in a big-name showrunner and Paul found himself relegated to the sidelines (despite assurances to the contrary). Sadly, this happens all the time in our business and Paul, being a pro, knows that. Even so, it still hurts when it happens.   

What has been the hardest thing for me to deal with is that the network has
completely supported the showrunner and his "tweaking" of my script. My story.
My setting. My characters. After telling me (in the beginning), that they wanted
something unique and edgy (sic), what they now have that they so dearly
love, is the very thing they told me specifically they didn’t want… a typical
TV show. And not a conference call goes by that someone doesn’t rave about how
much better the script is now.

Hey look, it may be better. The
guy has Emmys and I don’t. I just wish the network had given me a shot to do
this other version, and then brought in their high-priced Showrunner.

It’s like this – the network wanted me to hit a home run. So in my first
at-bat, I hit a double to left. But instead of getting another swing, they bring
in another guy and he hits a double to right, and they all cheer and say,
"That’s just what we wanted! A double to right!"

But again, nature of
the beast, folks. Don’t feel sorry for me – I already took care of that. No need
to post comments about how much they suck or whatever. This is TV. Ask Lee.
Happens all the time. As I said earlier – you have two choices in these matters
– quit or ride it out. I chose to ride it out. Though it’s being done
differently than how I’d do it, and I’m being basically ignored throughout the
entire process, I’m holding on. I want to feed my kids. I don’t have the luxury
of conviction. And someone much smarter than me once warned about the paralysis
of conviction. Especially when it wasn’t your story to begin with.

Bring Back Those Precocious Kids

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Remember when all the kid characters on TV were smart-ass and wise-beyond-their years? It got to be really irritating…but it was a hell of a lot easier to take than the kids on TV today. They are all  insufferable morons. Take, for example, the two imbeciles on SURFACE who are raising an alien monster in their bathtub…and let it endanger the lives of family and friends. We are supposed to find them wacky and endearing. I just want to kick in the T.V.  Or how about that  whiny teenage girl on COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF who resents her Mom for being President of the United States? She’s upset she has to attend events like, oh, her mother’s swearing in as President or a reception for the Russian President instead of hanging out with her friends ("Other kids don’t have to go to their parents’ business dinners!"). This is supposed to make us relate to the First Family as being people like us. Yeah, right. Me, and the rest of America,  fast-forward through those scenes to the next shot of Donald Sutherlands sneering and twirling his mustache (yes, I know he doesn’t have a mustache…but it’s there, it’s just invisible).

Bring back those precocious kids of yesteryear. Please. I’m begging you.

Coming to a Computer Near You

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Back in 2001, Andre Morgan announced production of a 22-episode, hour-long  TV series shot in Shanghai called FLATLAND, starring Dennis Hopper (what, you thought E-RING was his first TV series? Don’t believe everything you read). Morgan didn’t have a buyer or distributor for the project at the time but claimed to be in discussions with several networks. Now, four years later,  the show may finally be premiering…on a cell phone or computer near you. Variety reports the show is being shopped at Cannes, where it’s being sold in groups of
50 two-minute episodes by Intl. Program Consultants for broadcast on mobile phones and over the Internet.

"Exotic locations, elaborate CGI and high-definition technologies will
generate literally hundreds of … serial episodes," said exec producers Ruddy
and Morgan.

IPC topper
Russell Kagan added: "RMO, a leading independent company in TV and film
ventures, now will be one of the first leaders in mobile and broadband
video."

The Brits Spin-Off

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A few years ago, there was a series in England called TAGGART about a detective named Taggart (and I remember not being able to understand a word he said). When the actor playing Taggart died, they continued the series without him…and didn’t bother changing the name of the show. They are getting a little more savvy about spin-offs now. The great INSPECTOR MORSE series starring John Thaw as the title character, and Kevin Whately as  his partner Lewis, ended with the death of Morse (followed, sadly, a year or so later by the real-life death of Thaw). Now they are continuing the series with Lewis but have wisely decided to abandon their original title, AFTER MORSE, in favor of, simply, LEWIS. I wonder if they toyed with calling it TAGGART first, just for the hell of it.

Speaking of British spin-offs, forty years (or is it fifty?) after the premiere of DR. WHO, one of the UK’s longest running (and most re-cast) series, comes news of a spin-off called TORCHWOOD, featuring some character named Captain Jack. I don’t watch the show, so I have no idea what the hell they are talking about. But I wonder why they waited to long to capitalize on the show’s success.

The DR. WHO news reminds me of GUNSMOKE…they waited 19 years after the show’s premiere, and well past it’s ratings heyday,  to finally attempt a spin-off, a lame comedy called DIRTY SALLY. It lasted less than a season, cancelled shortly before GUNSMOKE itself the following year.

E-RING Lasts Forever

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Why one critic isn’t watching E-RING any more.

Last Wednesday I performed an experiment. I watched the latest episode of E-Ring
while applying a branding iron directly to my face, just to see which
of these two forms of torture I could stand the longest. I have deduced
that, while eventually the branding iron heat burns through your nerve
endings, the pain of E-Ring lasts forever.

Take Me To The Pilot

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Paul Guyot talks about why he never leaves behind a "leave behind" when pitching a pilot. I’ve heard both sides of the argument.

LEAVE THEM NOTHING. No treatment, no "Leave behind." I firmly
believe that you greatly reduce your chances of a sale when you leave
them something that they can pick apart and overanalyze.

The idea of leaving them with something is archaic.  That was the
way things were twenty years ago, but not now. And the reason so many
[Aspring Writers] think they should do this is because they’re reading books and
taking classes from writers who haven’t worked in TV in ten or twenty
years. 

Frankly, I’ve always left a leave-behind. I guess that makes me a dinosaur — or it explains why I haven’t sold a pilot yet this season. I’ve got another pitch coming up, maybe I’ll try it Paul’s way this time…

What Sunk SeaQuest?

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Seaquest2032_a_1Media critic Herbie J. Pilato, author of books about the TV series KUNG FU and BEWITCHED,  does a very good job dissecting what went wrong with SEAQUEST. In short, just about everything:

The changes were manic. Too much to swallow. SeaQuest suffocated in a sea of too
many ideas. Too many DeLouises from one Dom. It reached for whatever might keep
it above water. It’s like someone unplugged the cork at the center of the sub.
It sunk. No one paid attention to the simplest, yet most essential answer: they
should have bailed out, as soon as possible.

"SeaQuest will not be remembered as a television classic," Goldberg concludes
" It will be
remembered technically as a ground-breaking show for computer animation, and
creatively as a hugely expensive mistake."