My Dark Past

Make2bthem2bpay It’s amazing what you find when you’re procrastinating and, pathetically, googling yourself. More than twenty years after I wrote .357 VIGILANTE: MAKE THEM PAY, it has finally been reviewed:

After lengthy consideration, I have come to the conclusion that this series was written completely tongue-in-cheek, and was meant to be a mockery of Vigilante Men’s Action Series such as The Executioner and The Destroyer, with an obvious nod to the Death Wish/Dirty Harry influences as well.

[…]The punchlines delivered by Mr. Jury whenever he exacts justice on a criminal are so over-the-top ludicrous, the are my ultimate proof that the entire series is a joke. Example: he notices an armed robbery taking progress in a convenience store, quickly grabs a steel level from the construction site next door, and just before caving in the criminal’s skull delivers the line "You’re unbalanced, buddy."

He’s right…but I have to wonder why it took him "lengthy consideration" instead of a nanosecond to come to the conclusion that the books were thinly disguised spoofs. 

I also discovered that Chadwick Saxelid reviewed the first book in the .357 VIGILANTE series in August and had a similar take on the, um, quality of the writing and plotting:

.357: Vigilante 1 is an amateurish, albeit modestly entertaining, relic of what appears to be an all but extinct sub-genre: the numbered category Men’s Adventure novel[…] At times .357: Vigilante 1 reads like a high school student’s concept of what a hard boiled man of action story should sound like (not surprising, considering that author "Ian Ludlow" was actually a college student named Lee Goldberg) or an out and out parody of one.

Heaps of Ideas

I got an email today from someone with lots ideas that she wants to sell:

I have heaps of story ideas, but I am not good at creating characters. Is there a place out there for people like me? Somebody who buys the basis of a story. So far I have written shorts of a story into a small book with hopes that it will make a good movie. Can you recommend who I could get to publish my little book?

Unfortunately, there really isn’t a place for people with ideas but no ability to execute them. Publishers and studios don’t buy ideas, they buy the execution of the idea by authors and screenwriters. Writers rarely buy ideas, though they might option novels, biographies, etc. But what is a good story without strong characters?

I don’t know a lot about the short story world (that’s more my brother Tod’s area of expertise). I recommend you submit your short stories to some magazines. Once they are published, you might get some attention for them from a screenwriter or a studio, especially if they garner critical acclaim.

Der Deutsche Fernsehpreis

The other night I went to the Deutsche Fernsehpreis — the German equivalent of the Emmy Awards. Their awards show is every bit as long as the Emmys and even duller, and I’m not just saying that because I didn’t understand a word that was said. There was no entertainment value to the program. They didn’t have any musical numbers, no clip montages, no actual entertainment at all. Granted, some presenters made some jokes, but the flatness of the show made me appreciate just how good American awards shows are (the orchestra played the same piece of music every time a category was announced and every time someone won…I don’t know why they didn’t just have it on tape).

But I really enjoyed the before-party and after-party. It was odd being in a room full of "celebrities" and not knowing/recognizing 99.9% of them. I couldn’t look into the sea of faces and know who the "stars" were. They all just looked like normal people, which just goes to show how illusory celebrity really is. The guy I chatted with at the buffet could have been the biggest star in Germany or a waiter…I wouldn’t have known the difference.  In a way, though, it made it a lot easier for me to talk with people. I was never nervous or intimidated talking with anyone. 

I spoke to with lots of writers, producers, actors, and executives. I was struck by how many people I knew after only a year of working here off-and-on. I was also surprised by how many people knew me…people I had never met before but had heard about the work I was doing in Germany or who had heard my speech at the Cologne Conference. 

I ended up stay at the party into the wee hours of the morning which, combined with my jet-lag, wiped me out on Sunday. I was so tired that I went to bed at 8:30 pm and awoke at 3 this morning (it’s now 5:25 am).

I am about to watch the half-hour  "The Making of FAST TRACK" documentary (which will go on the DVD) and make my final edit notes before it’s locked. And then at 8 am, I head in to the studio to do the final sound mix on FAST TRACK. Tuesday I am viewing the color-corrected film, and placing the on-screen credits, and then I will finally be done with the movie/pilot. I head back to Los Angeles on Wednesday.

Why No One is Watching German TV

I mentioned here that I spoke last week at the Cologne Conference and that my topic was what the German TV industry could learn from the American methods of writing and producing episodic drama. In a comment to that post, Richard Cooper asked:

I was wondering if you could write about how the Germans are doing it, and what the American method would change if adopted over there.

The five highest rated hour-long shows in Germany are DR. HOUSE, CSI MIAMI, MONK, CSI and ALARM FOR COBRA 11. The only German show in the bunch is COBRA 11, which is going into it’s 13th season. COBRA 11, as successful as it is, is still a distant fifth at half the audience of CSI. The nearest German show is ranked eighth, and that is TATORT, which has been on the air there even longer than COBRA 11. The new German shows are simply tanking.

American shows dominate there — and all over Europe — even though they are dubbed, set in different places with different cultures, languages, and political, legal and health care systems. The audiences don’t care about those differences. They love the shows anyway.

I believe the American shows are succeeding not because they have higher budgets and bigger stars or brighter sunshine…it’s because they have instantly identifiable franchises with sharply drawn characters that transcend cultural differences. They work because they are the same show every week, year in and year out, only different. That last part sounds like a contradiction, but it’s not. They are consistent. People know exactly what they are going to get.

What I told them is that they can just continue to sit back and air American shows in German…which would be a tragedy for German writers and audiences… or they can make shows that can compete. How do they do that? I said the key to American success is franchise, consistency, and the showrunner/writers room system. I then went on to explain what franchise is, what I mean by "consistency," and how the showrunner system works.

The problem with cop/drama shows in Germany is that the shows are indistinquishable from one another. They all look and sound the same (it’s like color TV hasn’t been invented here). They aren’t distinct. They also aren’t consistent. And the story telling is insanely dull.

The German viewing audience doesn’t know about franchise and the four act structure, but they have watched enough American TV to internalize it…to feel that it is missing from German shows. And they don’t like it.

The franchise problem aside (and it’s a big one), German shows aren’t run by writers and have no writing staffs…they are run by line producers and network program "editors" and are freelance written. To make matters worse, every week a different director comes in…and he brings his own director of photography, assistant director, and film editor. And the director is free to rewrite the script himself. The director also is in charge of the post-production of his episode…from the cut to the mix. So there’s no one looking out for the show…there is no one maintaining and protecting the franchise…not that there is usually a clear franchise to protect. (I believe that one big reason that COBRA 11 has done so well is that it’s the one German show with a distinct, unmistakeable look and franchise)

American shows kick ass there because of how they are conceived, written and the produced. It’s the way the scripts/stories are structure (the four act structure, conflict, etc.). They don’t the four-act structure…in fact, they have no consistent dramatic structure to how TV stories are told.

The conception and writing part doesn’t cost more money…it’s just a philosophical and creative change in how they approach developing shows and telling stories. That can easily be taught. The producing aspect does cost more money…it means paying writers salaries for their exclusive services for the run of the series (and doing the same for the DPs, ADs and editors)….and it means limiting the power and influence of episodic directors. It means making a major paradigm shift in how episodic dramas are made there…and that can’t be done overnight. They also argue they don’t have writers yet who are capable of running shows and that directors won’t accept giving up the power they now have.

On top off that, there isn’t a big financial incentive to change the way things are done there. It costs the networks $200,000-an-episode to buy an American show and three or four times that much to make an episode of an original German series (they don’t have the unions, residuals, etc that we have here)….so, increasingly, the attitude has become "why bother?"

That said Proseiben, one of the big networks there, is now insisting that German shows develop their episodes in a Writers Room. They aren’t paying for staff writers… but they are bringing the writer of the pilot together with a group of freelancers for a couple of weeks in one room to develop the stories for the first season. They haven’t put writers in charge yet, nor have they limited the power of episodic directors to change everything about the show, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Bonding

Lee_with_haggis2 Greetings from Cologne, where I spoke today at the Cologne TV conference about how the "American" approach to writing and producing series could be applied to German programming. But the highlight of the day for me was having a chance to chat with Paul Haggis for a while about James Bond, his experiences in network TV, and his short time on WALKER TEXAS RANGER (which he co-created). He expanded on those subjects later in his interview on stage at the conference and also told some very funny stories about developing FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS and EZ STREETS. I had a lot of fun, made some good contacts, and am looking forward to attending the German TV awards on Saturday (their version of the Emmys).

BookWise is BookStupid

Edgar Award-winning author Burl Barer, who also happens to be my Uncle, sent me this note about his encounter with a book biz get-rich-quick huckster:

I received the following email on MYSPACE…no doubt well intentioned, but it irked me. Here  it is.

"While reading your wonderful profile I could not help but notice that you have authored some books. If getting your  words out to a larger audience is something that has some interest to you…"
I continued reading this informative missive, and then the following paragraph hit me between the eyes:
"This is a great opportunity for you as a self-published author to have your book listed and distributed along with some of the greatest books ever written!"
Since when am I self-published? The next paragraph reinforced my "irk factor":
"BookWise is very supportive of the self-published author, and one of the perks of being a member is the Author’s Workshop coming up for all members this Oct 18,and 19th, 2007. And the 20th the first company convention-FREE TO ALL it’s members"
Well, that pushed me over the edge.  I wrote back:
"I am NOT Self-Published, subsidy published, or any other variation on vanity publishing. I am PAID to write by real publishers — I do not pay printers to print up my books and then have the nerve to call myself a published author.  In my opinion, calling yourself an author when you are self-published is like calling yourself a doctor because you purchased a stethoscope."
Okay, that may have been a bit harsh.
I heard back right away informing me that  Bookwise also features real authors published by real publishers. Good for them. I wrote back and wished them the best of luck on their charity endeavors. But why do people assume that we all self-publish? 
When I was recently introduced somewhere, and it was mentioned that I’ve written a dozen books, the first question was "Have any  of your books been published?"
"Yes. That’s why they are called books, not unpublished manuscripts. I also have unpublished manuscripts that are not yet books, or may never become books. And before you ask, I did not pay for the publication of my manuscripts – the publisher paid me."

Burl Barer…self flagellating, self-promoting, self-serving but NOT self-published

I’d never heard of Bookwise, so I visited their site and listened to their come-on. They bill themselves as "the most intelligent home-based business in the world." Basically, it’s a book club that makes their money from the books you buy and the other people you convince to join the club.

It works like this: you pay a $40 enrollment fee and $35-a-month to buy their books at a 40%discount. Most of the books are from name-brand authors from name-brand publishers, but I gather from the email my Uncle got that they will soon be opening their doors to the self-published, probably for a price.

You make your millions by either selling the books you buy directly to your friends and neighbors out of the trunk of your car…or by making a commission off the other suckers, er, people you convince to join the book club and become salesmen themselves.

But they also want you to feel like you are saving the world, one book and one commission at a time. One dollar of every book they sell and 10% of their corporate earnings will go to literary programs for children. Makes you all tear-eyed, doesn’t it?

So you aren’t just paying Bookwise $460 for the opportunity to buy their books…you are, as they proclaim, helping to "stop the dumbing down of America."

But that strikes me as a self-defeating goal for Bookwise…if we stop the dumbing down of America, who will be stupid enough to sign up for this scheme?

Lori Prokop’s Spiritual Action Plan

As you will recall, Lori Prokop charged that her Book Millionaire reality TV show scheme was ruined by the publishing industry, which was so envious of her idea that they secretly paid guys like me to question her legitimacy as a publisher (she has none), her credentials in television (she has none), her network broadcast agreements (non-existent), and the value of the "prizes" she was offering contestants (worthless).

The Book Millionaire show quietly became an online competition instead…and then it died of inertia and a profound lack of interest of popular interest without fulfilling any of its promises to contestants.

Now, in an update on her site this week, Lori Prokop says Book Millionaire isn’t dead after all.

Book Millionaire continues to move forward, not at the pace we originally intended, but with the same excitement, focus and passion for helping others. Personally, I needed some time to regroup and understand actions of others, of which I felt deep hurt and sadness.

She still maintains that the show — which promised contestants "bestseller and celebrity status" through publication with her vanity press — was undermined by a vast conspiracy.

I have observed some disparaging comments about the Book Millionaire show and me. It has come to our attention — through communications from others — this may be in connection with a group of bloggers who are allegedly blogging false, inaccurate information against about 100+ companies and projects in the publishing industry.

[…]Could it be true that someone is paying for this group of bloggers to blog hate messages about more than 100 companies and projects in the publishing industry that compete with this company? Could this be how the bloggers are paying their bills and feeding their families?

After the Book Millionaire debacle, she says she was angry and depressed…a helpless victim of a publishing industry conspiracy, the uncontrolled rudeness and cruelty of bloggers, and rampant sexism against women.

But now she is taking a new approach.

Lori Prokop — the woman who offered the dream of authorship to chiropractors, cheap leases on brand new cars for the masses, bestseller celebrity status for the unpublished, maximized search engine rankings for everyone, and self-enlightenment for humanity — is initiating her Spiritual Action Plan. Prepare yourselves.

It took some time for me to make my choice that instead of attacking or retaliating for what I perceived as false, misguided actions of others, I decided to find a spiritual understanding and develop a spiritual action plan. It’s my desire that this experience helps me spiritually grow as an individual and leader.

[…]As a result of this spiritual growth, I have learned that anything perceived as an attack from another is an expression of his or her needs.

So I would like to have my attention on that need. What could their needs be?

[…]I have gone to their blogs and contacted them to ask for open dialogues to gain an understanding of their perceptions and provide accurate information. They have responded with additional attacks and threats, rather than peaceful, life-enhancing dialogues.

I haven’t heard from Lori yet, but I am looking forward to it…and the spiritual enlightenment I know it will bring (and, perhaps, a cheap lease on a new BMW).I will be glad to tell her what motivates me to blog about Book Millionaire: a desire to expose unscrupulous and dishonest people who prey on the desperation and gullibility of aspiring authors for financial gain.

Even though I do not personally know these people, I can imagine these are beautiful human beings who are misguided in trying to have their needs met, doing so in tragic ways.

I can understand that they are making these choices for the same reason all human beings do everything: to meet needs in the best way they know how at the moment.

I believe Love is the answer to this.

I love you, too, Lori Prokop. I love how you never quit coming up with schemes to make money off the Internet, how you keep re-inventing yourself in new and exciting ways, and how you offer me the chance to do the same thing for only $16-a -day.

You are a wonderful person and a beautiful human being, Lori Prokop, but you already know that.

UPDATE 9-19-07: Victoria Strauss, a tireless crusader against publishing scams, blogs today about Lori Prokop, humanitarian, philosopher,  publisher, web master, motivational speaker, and champion for chiropractors everywhere.

Lori’s Mission from God

Lori1 Lori Prokop has offered humanity so many things. She’s shown people how to get cheap car leases,  to achieve "bestseller celebrity status," to live in the upper energy levels of life with her "Life Guidance System," to awaken their "million dollar intuition," to "Podcast for fun and profit," to "awaken your child’s genius," and she’s even helped chiropractors to become authors (and what greater calling is there than that?).

It’s hard to top those amazing achievements (are you listening, Nobel Prize Committee?)…but Lori Prokop has.

Now, with The Keyboard Culture Blog Community, she is on a mission from God to improve your search engine rankings.

In 1996, Lori and her husband sold their business. After it sold, Lori woke up with no “purpose.” She asked for a repetitive dream to reveal her purpose. In between the sleep and wake states, Lori began hearing and seeing “You are the publicist for Love and Light and Forgiveness and Gratitude.” Even though, at the time, the dream did not make much sense to Lori, she remembered it. In 2003, Lori Prokop received intuitive messages guiding her to learn and master search engine optimization, programming, Google algorithms, pay-per-click web site promotion and sophisticated web site linking strategies.

Apparently, despite her intuitive and total mastery of search engine optimization, she hasn’t been able to get rid of all the posts about her hucksterism from a simple Google search of her name.

It will only cost you $500-a-month to join her Keyboard Culture community, have her host your blog, and benefit from the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to glean spiritual enlightenment from her profound guidance and wisdom in one-on-one counseling sessions.

Who knows, she might even throw in a cheap car lease, too.

But the real news here is the story behind the demise of Book Millionaire. Now the truth can finally be revealed. Lori Prokop was the victim of a vast conspiracy.

Lori Prokop launched a reality show that rocked the publishing world with excitement. She didn’t realize it at the time, but she was first to market with a powerhouse of an idea and some of her competitors were furious she had the jump. Instead of approaching Lori to see how they could be included, they launched a paid online hate campaign to tank her and the project — if they couldn’t have it, they didn’t want anyone to. Lori discovered this was not the first time this group hired and paid online attackers to use false claims and hate attacks to take out competitors.

I had no idea I was a paid agent of the New York Publishing Cabal. That certainly explains why I’ve written so much about Lori Prokop and my tirades against the vanity press industry, doesn’t it?

I have been outed.

The only question I have is…when do I get the money for all of my hard work?

The Best of Lori Prokop

I love Lori Prokop. My favorite online huckster never quits. She has re-invented herself yet again and is offering you the benefit of her enlightenment…and another chance to get rich!

But before I share her amazing new self and her astonishing new business venture with you later today, I thought we should celebrate all the great things Lori Prokop has done for humanity before. So now, after the jump, I offer a look back at The Best of Lori Prokop.

(Note: she has since gone back and removed many of the links I reference in the posts…and who can blame her?)

Read more

I Suck

I am at that horrible, seemingly inevitable stage of writing my novel when I become convinced that my plot doesn’t work, my characters are lost, and that I am a talentless fraud and that this will be the book that outs me (I know there are many of you reading this blog who believe that already happened long ago). Coincidentally, today the royalty statements for my first three MONK novels arrived along with the contracts for my next two. It didn’t help. It only added to my anxiety.

My brother called me tonight just to say hello… and I unloaded on him.

He just sighed and said "You say this shit every two months. You said it when you were at this same point in your last book and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that. And they all turned out fine." 

I know that he’s right, but it doesn’t help or make the writing any easier. Tonight,  I suck. But I will keep writing and rewriting and agonizing and procrastinating (by posting on my blog) until it becomes fun again.

I guess that’s what makes me a professional. Or a fool who is deluding himself.