The Mail I Get

The Mail I Get

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I need your invaluable expert advice. I'm going to pitch to a network in several weeks. It's my first time doing this so while I have the treatment ready, how would I present and package the actual treatment in terms of putting each copy in binders, have covers on each copy, etc. Thanks Lee.

I never do anything fancy. I just print out the pitch, black-and-white, no fancy graphics or fonts, with a cover page that has the title and byline centered, and the date and my contact info (or agent, or studio, depending on the auspices the meeting was arranged under) in the lower right. I staple the upper, left hand corner of the document and turn it in.

The Mail I Get

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I recently got an email from a debut author looking for some touring advice. She wrote, in part:

My debut novel is coming out in May, and I'll be spending all of June traveling around the country, visiting bookstores and book clubs. My schedule is anchored by reading/signing events at key bookstores, with private parties and book club meetings in the local areas around them. As I finalize my schedule, I notice I have a lot of downtime on weekday daytimes. Obviously, most people are at work then, so there's not much to do […] Besides bookstore drop-ins, what are ways for a traveling writer to make productive professional use of those weekday daytimes?

Write. Or relax. If you haven't done a book tour before, you will find that it is exhausting. If you want to be at your best for those evening signings, talks, etc., you need some down time. I also find that writing keeps me mentally "centered" when I'm traveling, especially if I'm hitting several cities over a very few days. It can become a blur. It's also nice to do a little sight-seeing…it might spark ideas or scenes in your next book.

But if you are intent on maximizing your promotion time, try to call ahead to each city and arrange a lunch or breakfast with a newspaper reporter or local blogger. Or try to arrange a radio or tv interview with a local station. If all else fails, you can help spread good will (and positive word of mouth) by offering to talk to a local high school or college English class…or at a local library.

The Mail I Get

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I got the following emails this week from self-published authors eager to get some attention for their books, both of which were "published" by Booksurge. I have removed the names of the authors and the links, but otherwise the emails are unedited: 

Hi Lee,

I would be grateful if you could read my new book and provide an Amazon review. Here's a link to my site: xyz.
If you are interested in the book, give me a mailing address and I will mail you a copy. 

I wonder why he didn't ask me to blog about it rather than leave an Amazon review. It's not a very persuasive pitch, but it's positively irresistible compared to the following one from publicist Paul J. Stupin at DirectContactPR:

Mr. Lee Goldberg Blogger,

Can we interest you in taking a look at this captivating crime and mystery novel by author XYZ? Please provide us with your best street address so we can send you a review copy.

Paul J. Stupin, Publicist for [Author's Name]

That compelling, captivating, and powerful pitch was followed by summary of the book's plot, which began:

Vancouver based author [Author's Name miss-spelled] drew upon his 20 years as an insurance salesman to create a riveting tale of crime and punishment in the big city.

His new book, XYZ, is a devious page turner all about a Chicago Tribune reporter, named Miles Fischer. He’s wrapping up what he thinks is just another rape and murder trial, until the two convicted felons are found dead from a crossbow, in the muddy parking lot of a rundown bar just days after their surprising acquittal.

It turns out the guy who wrote me this pitch is the author of  TRASH PROOF PRESS RELEASES: THE SUREFIRE WAY TO GET PUBLICITY…and this, ladies and gentlemen, is one of those trash-proof, sure-fire press releases. 

Honest. I'm not kidding.

Paul charges $500 for a national, email publicity package. But if you can't afford a campaign of trash-proof, sure-fire emails like the one I got, he only charges $100 to critique your press releases. Who wouldn't want the master behind this trash-proof, surefire publicity email to give you some pointers? Why, that'd be a deal at 10 times the price!  But if that's still too pricey for you, maybe he'll give you a discount in return for teaching him the proper use of a comma.

The Mail I Get

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This is my favorite fan letter of the week:

I read a book of Criminal Minds by another author and really enjoyed it. The story was true to the characters and I learned even more about them. Everything was written very true to the TV series. Mr. Monk is Miserable, however, is way off base from the TV series. One, pill or not, Monk hates to fly and I don’t believe he would agree to fly so often because of a little pill. Is it too hard to come up with stories in the country of America that can be driven to? […] couldn’t even finish the book because it was so devastatingly off course and I would never recommend the books to anybody else. I think you need to do better research to stay true to the TV series. Read Criminal Minds and you’ll get an idea of what YOU SHOULD BE DOING!

The Mail I Get

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My agent got an email from a MONK fan who thinks it's time for me to make a big change in my books. She writes, in part:

I wish Mr. Goldberg in his upcoming Monk books would actually start to lay off some of the OCD aspects of Monk. I think it interferes with the detective aspects of the story which are always brilliant.

Uh-huh. Interesting comment. What would Monk be without his OCD? Certainly not a character people would want to read about. I don't think she realizes that what makes Monk so special is his OCD…how he copes with it and how it gets in the way of his detective work, his personal life, etc. Not only that, it's his OCD that allows him to see the details, the things that are "out of place," that others miss. Sorry, Ann, I'm afraid the OCD is here to stay.

The Mail I Get

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I got an email the other day from Sherry Ellis with the attention-grabbing, in-y0ur-face subject heading: "Please Post Information On Your Blog." 

Wow. Who wouldn't be  hooked by a heading like that? Who wouldn't be gripped by an uncontrollable need to open that email? I certainly couldn't resist. I was overwhelmed with interest and curiosity. I just had to read more. She goes on to say: 

I am the author of Illuminating Fiction, a book of author interviews, and I hope that you will be willing to post information about this book on your blog.

Illuminating Fiction contains nineteen interviews with fiction-writing luminaries including Edward P. Jones, Julia Glass, Amy Bloom, Jill McCorkle, Margot Livesy, Ron Carlson and Steve Almond.

[…]
I am also the author of Now Write! and Now Write! Non-Fiction, which are collections of writing exercises. Now Write! was selected as one of the best writing books of the year by The Writer. Finally, I am a writing coach who previously taught writing in Concord, Mass.

Thank you in advance for your consideration of this request.

She's a writing coach? And that's the best she could do for a press release? Good God.

She reminds me of the contestant on Hell's Kitchen last season who charged $300-an-hour to teach cooking but couldn't grill a piece of fish. She's a writing coach who needs coaching on how to write a compelling press release. 

Does she really think her unbelievably dull email will hook bloggers and make them want to write about her and her book? 

On the plus side,  she's written something other writing coaches, or perhaps the future author of Now Write! Press Releases and Query Letters, can use as a perfect example of how not to write a press release, query letter, or any other solicitation.

Then again, it worked. I've posted about her book on my blog. But perhaps not in the way she would have liked…

The Mail I Get

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I've been getting variations of this email a lot lately, so I thought I'd share my answer to this one here:

Lee, 

 I was wondering about your time management. How long does it take for you to write your blog everyday, and what type of writing schedule do you have, and is it iron-clad? Do you keep a notebook with you in case ideas pop up when you are doing errands, etc.?
Do you have moments when you don't know where your current story is going, and how do you fix that?

Love your books,

Thanks,

Teri

I prioritize based on deadlines, Teri. The project with the nearest deadline gets the most attention. Then again, sometimes I prioritize based on money. The project that's paying me the most gets my immediate attention…I mean, I am not going to move a project that's paying me, say, $3000 ahead of something that's paying me $35,000. That said, I've never missed a deadline, even when I had two broken arms, regardless of how much (or how little) I was getting paid.

I don't blog everyday. Sometimes I will blog two or three times in one day…sometimes I will go a week or more without blogging. I use the blog as a way to warm up before writing, or as a way to avoid writing, or as a way to stay at the computer when the writing isn't going well. You can sometimes tell by the nature of my posts how I'm using my blog at any given moment… (well, at least my brother Tod can tell). 

I do carry around a notebook for ideas,  story points or scenes for whatever I happen to be working on at any given time. I never leave the house without a notebook or a book to read. 

What question haven't I answered? Oh yes, I often have problems with my books and scripts. I fix them by, well, fixing them. Often the problem lies not in the scene I'm struggling with but with the bigger story or character point that got me there.

I always outline before I write…so at least I know where i am going and roughly how to get there….but I inevitably deviate from the outline.

The Mail I Get

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I got this very odd email today  (I've edited out  his publisher and the title of his book):

This is not a fan letter but just let me say that my folks and I loved Martial Law (my mother was amazed at how agile a fat guy couls be) and Sliders especiallly the episode where Rhys-Davis hunted down babies to kiss in his campaign for public office.

Anyway, a new ebook imprint, XYZ, published a pdf ebook sf/f/h poetry collection by me, XYZ. The poems are comments on the body of work by sf/f/h authors and other creators in the three fields. I hope you consider ordering one.

This is strange but as I am writing this letter an idea for a series idea popped into my head. Before I write it down I would like your permission before I pitch it to you.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one. At least he was pleasant, polite, and asked me if I was interested in his pitch before he sent it to me. But still...what was he thinking? Did he really believe I'd reply "Oh yes, that book sounds fantastic. I love poetry about sf authors. I'm ordering a dozen copies of your PDF for myself and my family. And please send me any TV series ideas that occur to you. I would love to hear them." I'm simply astonished by how clueless some people are. 

But I didn't say any of that in my response to him. I saved that for you. Instead, I congratulated him on his book, told him I wasn't interested in his series ideas, and wished him the best in all his endeavors.

The Mail I Get

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I got an email today on Facebook from  somebody I don't know (I "friend" everybody except scammers and phone sex operators) from a writer's organization that I've never heard of. It read:

I've heard good things about you for awhile.

Maybe it's good timing that you just added me as an FB buddy.

Our scheduled speaker for November 14th just had kidney failure — and I'd be your new BFF if you could jump in and man the guns for that Saturday at about 6:30 PM.

I hope you can help a local boy out, here. ;-))

I replied:

I appreciate the invitation but I'm going to have to pass.

Here's what he wrote back:

I'm sorry and a bit surprised.
Good luck in all you do. Keep me apprised of your successes.

Maybe I'm just tired, or in a bad mood, but I have to admit, his reply really ticked me off.  He's  "a bit surprised?" What the hell is that supposed to mean? So here's what I wrote to him:

Why are you "a bit surprised?"

I guess that you assumed that I'm always available for any group that asks me to speak, any time, any where.

Or perhaps it didn't occur to you that I might have other obligations on Nov. 14…or that I might be on tight deadlines to deliver a script and a book by the end of November….or that I have spent too many Saturdays away from my family lately…or that I might have any number of other reasons for having to pass on being your speaker.

Or perhaps you simply assumed I'd drop everything for you and were "a bit surprised" when I didn't.

I don't know your reasons. But I was "a bit surprised" by your comment.

He got back to me a short time later.

Wow, I'm not sure what invoked that?!
"Surprised" that you were not succinct but curt – and that you weren't open to some amicable dialogue. "Surprised" because I'd heard good things about you….

What was he expecting? A tearful apology instead of a polite rejection? A detailed explanation and a plea for forgiveness? Or perhaps he was hoping I'd promise to speak to his group at my earliest convenience? Then again, maybe he would have settled for lunch and a dedication in my next book. 

From now on, maybe if I can't say yes to a request from a stranger, I just won't respond at all.

The Mail I Get

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I got an email on Facebook from a somebody I don’t know (I friend everybody except scammers and phone sex operators) at a writer’s organization I’ve never heard of the other day. It read:

I’ve heard good things about you for awhile.

Maybe it’s good timing that you just added me as an FB buddy.

Our scheduled speaker for November 14th just had kidney failure — and I’d be your new BFF if you could jump in and man the guns for that Saturday at about 6:30 PM.

I hope you can help a local boy out, here. ;-))

I replied that I appreciated the invitation, but that I would have to pass. Here’s what he wrote back:

I’m sorry and a bit surprised.
Good luck in all you do. Keep me apprised of your successes.

Maybe I’m just tired, or in a bad mood, but I have to admit, his reply really ticked me off.  He’s  “a bit surprised?” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why should he be “a bit surprised” that I’m not at his beck-and-call? So here is what I wrote him:

Why are you “a bit surprised?”

I guess that you assumed that I’m always available for any group that asks me to speak, any time, any where.

Or perhaps it didn’t occur to you that I might have other obligations on Nov. 14…or that I might be on tight deadlines to deliver a script and a book by the end of November….or that I have spent too many Saturdays away from my family lately…or that I might have any number of other reasons for having to pass on being your speaker.

Or perhaps you simply assumed I’d drop everything for you and were “a bit surprised” when I didn’t.

I don’t know your reasons. But I was “a bit surprised” by your comment.