The Mail I Get

Make Me A Star

by

Today I got two emails from two different people, both hoping for the same thing, that they could use me to achieve their dreams of success in Hollywood. This first email came in under the subject heading "I Have Some Great Screenplays!" (The names, addresses and phone numbers have been removed, otherwise the emails are untouched):

Hello Mr. Lee Goldberg my name is XYZ but people call me Hollywood.
I have three great screenplays ready to be shoot and I am working on my forth
one which should be done in a month or so.  If you would like to know more about
my scripts please give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXX or email me at
XXX@hotmail.com thank you for your time.

I responded:  Hello Mr. XYZ, my name is Lee Goldberg, but people call me Pierce Brosnan. Why would I be interested in your screenplays? I’m trying to sell my own. 

I received a polite email from a guy on the East Coast who says he has a great idea for an episodic legal drama:

Though I spend a great deal of my time developing and
selling creative concepts (for direct marketing applications), I’m not a script
writer.  I’m contacting you because I’m looking for a talented television writer
with industry credibility that might be interested in partnering to develop a
pilot. If you are interested in exploring this or know of a
writer who might be,  please let me know.

I get this offer several times a week from people outside the industry who have "great ideas" but just need a guy like me to partner up with.

To be blunt, why would I want to do that? What’s in it for me? I’ve got lots of ideas of my own and all you’d be doing is benefitting from my experience, my "industry credibility,"  and years of hard work. What do you bring to the table? An idea.  Sorry, but that’s not enough.

There’s a saying in television, ideas are cheap and execution is everything. The networks  don’t buy ideas, they buy ability, experience, point-of-view, and a track record.  LOST is not a great idea — People shipwrecked on an island. It has been done a hundred times before. What ABC bought was hit-maker JJ Abrams doing people shipwrecked on an island.  NYPD BLUE is not a great idea. It’s cops in NY solving crimes. What ABC bought was Steven Bochco doing cops in NY solving crimes.  They also bought the proven ability of JJ Abrams and Steven Bochco to write and produce a series.

I know… that’s what you need me for, right? You need my "industry credibility" and "talent."
But here’s the thing: there’s absolutely no upside in it for me, or any other established writer-producer, partnering up with you.  We didn’t work for years to establish "industry credibility" so someone else without any could take a shortcut and ride on our coat-tails.

If you were a bestselling novelist with an idea, that’s something else. You have something to offer beyond an idea.  You bring your name,  reputation, and proven track record as a storyteller. If you were a  famous actor, that’s something else. You bring your image,  your fans, and proven ability to draw a large audience.  If you were an ex-D.A., and your idea draws on your background in the field, then you have something to offer. You bring years worth of courtroom experience  and credibility in the field (for instance, I’ve partnered with cops before to pitch ideas based on their unique experiences).

I think you get my point.  Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not interested.

Selling Fanfic to Publishers

by

Seaquest2032_aI received an email today from a guy who writes fanfic in "the SEAQUEST universe" and would like to see it published as novels. Here’s part of what he wrote me: 

We see novels based on other universes published all the time. Be they
the Extended-Universe Star Wars novels written by people like Timothy
Zahn or the Star Trek novels which go largely uncreditted by Paramount
studios, and they seem to do fairly well. Do you have any tips on how
I may actually go getting Atlantis published? Obviously there would be
copyright issues that need to be resolved with Universal studios and
so on, but I don’t have the foggiest on where to begin!

First off, your initial premise is wrong: Paramount maintains rigid control over the STAR TREK novels as does Lucasfilm over the STAR WARS books.

I would say it would be impossible to get Atlantis, your SeaQuest-derived work, published and it would be an utter waste of time to pursue it. But, for the sake of argument, you would have to contact Cindy Chang at Universal Licensing in Los Angeles for permission to shop it around. Then whatever publisher you found would have to pay Universal a license fee to publish your work.

There are two ways that licensed novels are usually pursued.

1) The studio offers their TV or movie property to publishers.
2) a publisher contacts a studio and says they are interested in a particular property, what would it cost to license it?

In either case, the studio is paid a license fee, receives royalties, and usually maintains creative control over the property (ie they can approve or reject writers, stories, manuscripts, etc.).
For instance, in my case, Penguin/Putnam had tremendous success with the MURDER SHE WROTE novels (licensed from Universal) and wanted to come up with a companion series that would appeal to the same audience. So they approached Paramount and licensed DIAGNOSIS MURDER from them, then they came to me to write the books (though I had to be approved by Paramount first). I am paid an advance and a royalty. Paramount, in addition to the license fee, also gets royalties.  All my manuscripts are read, and approved, by Paramount before they are published.

My advice to you is to move on. It’s time to write something original…and to put your efforts into getting that published instead.

Help Wanted: Humans Only, Please

by

Today, I received this email from Wayne Manzo. 

I would like to produce a weekly investigative news program based on my
research and web magazines.

The show will be investigative news but
from a different angle__that we humans are living with ET and it is the
aliens that are controlling our human reality.

I need humans who are
interested in getting involved in the pre-production logistics of this
type of program.

Contact me in interested.

Wmanzo@yahoo.com

Since he’s interested only in working with humans and I am Glarp, alien recon-leader from the planet Glorp, I didn’t reply.

Jag Rag

by

I received this email today. I’d reply, but I have no idea what she’s asking or why she’s asking me.

Yes, we have heard that tonight is the last night for the program of JAG, with Harmon Rabb and the other characters.  And we’d like to know what’s what with that program.  And if so, we want to make sure that we’re home to see it. For we have really enjoyed that show and wished that Harmon and
Mac could have gotten married or at least could have had that baby that they had talked about in the show.  But I guess that never happened.  My email address is:

Your Great Idea for a TV Series

by

I get asked this so often, that I suppose its worth answering the question yet again. I received this email today:

In my search for bible writing info, I came across your site and read the ongoing discussion about series bibles.   I’m a beginning writer and have come up with what I think maybe a very good idea for a television series. The only series bible I can find is for He-Man and it’s hard to relate that to
what I’m writing.   I’ve found only tidbits of information about what is
included in a bible. I really want to know how a bible is structured – what to
put in and leave out.  I know you’re an experienced writer with an understanding
of all the formats of television, books and film.   I’d be extremely grateful
for any information you could give me – websites, books or just an email with helpful info.

I replied that I have several bibles, also known as writers guidelines, available on my website and in my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING. That said, it’s a complete and utter waste of your time to write one. Networks and studios don’t buy bibles… they buy scripts and they buy experience. Ideas are cheap, execution is everything. No one cares about your idea. No one is interested in hearing it. No one will buy a series from you until you have established yourself as a writer. Stick the idea in a drawer and wait until someone at a studio or network approaches you and says "Hey, have any great ideas for a TV series?" That’s the hard truth.

UPDATE 4-13-05:  I got a response this morning from the person who posed the question. Here it is:

Thanks for the sobering message.  Is that true for everything? Even animated comedic
television shows?

Yes. There’s a saying in TV… ideas are cheap, execution is everything. What the networks are buying aren’t ideas, they are buying the people who  execute the ideas (their experience, reputation, etc.). A series about homicide  cops in NY isn’t a great idea… Steven Bochco doing a series about homicide  cops in NY is. They bought Bochco, not the idea. A season of a TV
series costs $50 million — they aren’t going to entrust that money to someone who doesn’t have the experience to pull it off. I know what you’re thinking… I’ll pitch my idea to someone with experience and they can sell it. The thing  is, the people with experience want to sell their own ideas because, for years,
they have been toiling on other people’s shows, itching for a chance to do something of their own. Besides, creating your own show, and owning a piece of it, is where the money is.   
Why would they want to share that with you?

In the case of an animated comedy show, the creators have usually proven themselves, and had great success,  elsewhere…either with animated shorts, features, games, comic books, etc. Matt  Groening had a hit comic strip… and then a series of hit shorts on TRACY  ULLMAN SHOW….and that led to THE SIMPSONS.

The Name is Carsone, Johnny Carsone

by

Update: 4/18/2005

I received a very polite and good-natured email from John Carsone asking me to please remove the correspondence from him that I posted here, since he sent it to me privately.  Just so there’s no confusion in the future, you should all know that any emails I get are fair game for my blog!

Blog Spam

by

The kid who emailed me for career advice the other day sent the identical email to lots of other TV & film writers who’ve got blogs.  And we all responded. On our blogs.

Here’s another one.

We all gave him more or less the same advice. And, in doing so, taught him a couple of other valuable lessons:

1) All writers procrastinate.
2) One of the best ways to procrastinate is to run a blog.
3)
The best way to avoid writing when you have a blog is to answer
questions about being a writer when you are in the midst of avoiding
being one.

Another Brilliant Idea for a TV Series That Will Change the Very Course of Mankind

by

I got this email today:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I read the story about the woman who wanted a shortcut into the television arena. I can understand where she’s coming from on that. But how about the individual who doesn’t have 22 scripts or wants to make  the big bucks? How about the individual who has an idea that begs for a  collaborator…and you don’t know who to call (man! the theme from Ghostbusters
haunts after all these years!!!)? What if the idea isn’t a different type of children’s show? What if it is a story that is based on something Jews, Christians, and Muslims would buy into? What if it is show Oprah would love if  her staff would listen to someone who doesn’t have an agent (again? Who do you
really go to here?)? What if it is a show that NARAS would love because it would help the sales of music, and the industry would appreciate because it helps young writers showcase their talent? There are so many "what ifs" that Creed would have a run for their money. Simply put. Some guys have that place on the perch and others who want to get half way there…just don’t know how. But all it takes is just someone to reach out and give someone a chance (ah! yes, the theme from Mahogany….) Such is life…

Here’s how I replied:

I’ve answered this one so many times, I should probably just use a boilerplate.  So here’s the shorthand version. Again.

Ideas are cheap, execution is everything. No one buys ideas. What the networks are buying are scripts and proven producing skill.  BLIND JUSTICE is not a  great idea.  What ABC bought was Steven Bochco and his stellar writing/producing team doing a show about a blind cop.  It doesn’t matter whether your idea will appeal to Jews, Muslims,  Christians and lovable chipmunks.  No one cares whether Oprah, Ellen, or Biff The Talking Wonder Chimp would love your idea or not.  No one cares if your idea will revolutionize the entire entertainment industry, the American culture, and life as we know it.

No wants to hear your idea. Especially me.

Virtual Bookworm

by

I got this email today:

I am considering publishing with Virtual Bookworm. I saw them listed on your list. Anymore you can tell me  about  them.

They are a print-on-demand publisher, also known as a "vanity press." They will not get your books distributed to stores. They will not promote your book. And you will have difficulty getting the book reviewed or taken seriously by anyone (not to mention selling any copies). You may have even more problems than that… just a simple "Google" search on them turns up nothing but complaints and warnings, like this one:

Writer Beware has received a number of complaints about Virtual Bookworm. Most involve unpaid royalties, or royalty statements that don’t reflect the actual  number of books sold. Some authors are looking into legal action.

I found all that out in about 8.5 seconds. Have you done any research at all yourself? If so, you wouldn’t be asking me about them.  If you are intent on paying to have your book published, try  iUniverse.

Staffing Season

by

I received this email today:

Lee – as a fringe writer (some low rent success –
but definitely not made) and an avid reader of Successful Television Writing, a question…
When DOES staffing season officially kick off.
I’m always hearing about the "Start of Staffing Season" and you mention it in STW, but I’ve never seen a time when this is  actually going… Late April?

This is how I replied:

It’s not really a staffing "season," more like a couple of staffing "weeks."

The networks announce their fall schedules — the new shows they are picking up and the old shows they are either renewing or cancelling — in late May.  Staffing the new shows, and some positions on returning series, begins almost immediately (though some confident, or at least extremely optimistic, pilot producers actually start taking "get to know you" meetings with potential staffers in early May, before they know whether or not their shows will get picked up).

 
Because most series begin shooting episodes in early July, the staffing season is a very narrow window of opportunity, just about four or five weeks.  If you don’t land a job during those short, competitive, anxiety-filled weeks, odds are you will be sitting out the season (though you may get a freelance gig or a pilot).  That said, there’s another staffing with that opens up a crack around August, when it’s clear that some showrunners and staffers aren’t cut out for their jobs and a quick change needs to be made… and then the window opens a bit again around Thanksgiving, when producers may look to make staff changes for "the back nine" if it looks likely their shows will get a full season pick-up.