My Blog
TV Main Title of the Week – Forgotten Spin-Offs edition
A short-lived spin-off from POLICE STORY.
The Wit and Wisdom of Brien Jones
Yesterday, I wrote about the apparent demise of Jones Harvest Publishing, huckster Brien Jones' notoriously sleazy vanity press. Today I stumbled on his blog…and his posts are very telling. Here are a few samples…
Yesterday, he wrote a post that began:
Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I got caught up in legal proceedings. Not against ME (for once) but an actual-factual criminal.
A few weeks earlier he wrote, in part:
THIS subject is closest to my heart it will probably not be terribly amusing—ESPECIALLY if you’re underpaid and stuck in a dead-end job with AN ASSHOLE for a BOSS.
Recently I was HORRIFIED TO LEARN that was precisely how my colleagues viewed ME.
THAT’S MY FAULT. As with EVERY rule, law, or responsibility IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE. In fact, NOT knowing makes the situation WORSE.
THAT’S NOT how things USED TO BE. If you spent a day working in our office last year you wouldn’t have thought BRIEN JONES was in charge of ANYTHING.
My wife and co-founder Brandy (who remains UNIVERSALLY REVERED) had clearly been at the helm.
Then I stepped in and made a couple VERY BAD DECISIONS. As a result of those decisions what had been a vibrant, happy and even slightly profitable little company augured into the ground…
We can only hope. Also, about a month ago, he wrote, in part:
About once a year I have the following conversation with our attorney.
“Hi counselor, one of our author friends is SUING US.”
[…]So I hope you understand why I don’t go OUT OF MY WAY to sign CONTRACTS. In fact I try to avoid writing ANYTHING down.
[…]Ironically I learned this lesson rather late. During the five years I lived in California I kept a journal. When I moved back TO INDIANA I went straight to Lake of the Woods.
It was there Gramma saw me writing in my big black book. She asked me what it was. I told her it was my daily journal. That’s when that wonderful woman gave me PRICELESS ADVICE I still live by TODAY.
She said, “If you don’t HAVE a journal then THEY CAN’T SUBPOENA IT.”
And a month before that, he wrote about dealing with angry authors:
I don’t know about YOU but the whole time I worked for other people’s companies I had an overwhelming urge to tell rude customers to ‘GO JUMP IN A LAKE!’
Sometimes customers say really mean things to employees. And if that employee was me, I wanted to say mean things right back. But had I responded in any way, that customer might have asked to “speak with my supervisor.” You know what THAT means…
The risk was just too great. I had to remain polite. Otherwise I could have LOST MY JOB! But OH, how I wanted to say something like ‘GO FLY A KITE’ to those JERKS.
Now it’s MY COMPANY and that changes EVERYTHING. Only NOW do I understand the true gravity of the situation–that the wrong response could have dire consequences for everyone.
It really changes your perspective. In fact, no matter how impolite or unreasonable a customer is, I remember it’s critical to remain polite and professional. Right?
I had you going right? RIGHT? DIDN’T I? C’MON I HAD YOU GOING! ADMIT IT!
I say “GO FUCK YOURSELF” at least ONCE A WEEK!
And at MY COMPANY if somebody asks to talk to one of MY PEOPLE’S ‘supervisor’ and they get ME? GOD HELP em’!
We got a call this week from an author I’ll call MARY JONES-DURBIN (because it’s her name) the author of “Words From My Soul.”
THIS IDIOT called to DEMAND the money we were making from selling HER BOOK. Never mind the fact that WE DIDN’T PUBLISH her book, nor EVER HAD ANY COPIES. I listened to one of my people spend 10 MINUTES trying to explain that. I did it in 10 WORDS!
“Are you listening moron? I DARE YOU TO SUE ME!”
That reminds me, of the CONSEQUENCES. Aside from breaking the phone by slamming it too hard, here is the COMPLETE LIST of the consequences in order of DIRENESS.
1. People say mean things about me on the internet.
THAT’S IT! But GOOGLE ME or my company you’ll discover I am a REALLY BAD PERSON.
2. I am not ONLY publishing books in a FIENDISH manner but also the MASTERMIND behind the MADOFF SCANDAL as well as THE BOSTON STRANGLER!
3. It goes without saying I was NOT born in HAWAII!
In fact, one woman created an entire website JUST FOR TRASHING ME! I know! AWESOME RIGHT? You can’t BUY that kind of PUBLICITY!
What a lovely guy. Let's hope Jones Harvest doesn't rise from the dead…and that Brien Jones finds a new way to earn a living that doesn't involve talking senior citizens into dipping into their retirement fund or social security income to "publish" their books.
Amazon Launches 47North Imprint with THE DEAD MAN
Today, Amazon announced the launch of their new sf/fantasy/horror imprint 47North…and one of the premiere titles is THE DEAD MAN series. Our kick-off is coming in just a couple of weeks…in a very big way…and we can't wait!
UPDATE: Publisher's Weekly also wrote about it. Here's part of what they said..
Amazon has added another genre to its publishing stable, with the launch of 47North, a science fiction/fantasy/horror imprint that will publish original and previously published works from new and established authors as well as out-of-print books. “We are especially happy to have a diverse list at launch, and look forward to publishing across a wide range of subgenres,” said Victoria Griffith, publisher of Amazon Publishing’s west coast group.
47North has signed 15 titles at launch with its first title coming from Lee Goldberg and William Rabkin, the authors of Successful Television Writing and who have written and/or produced scores of highly successful network television series, including Diagnosis Murder, Spenser: For Hire, and Baywatch. Their digital-first novel, Face of Evil, will be published this month; four more installments will also be published in October, with a new adventure following each month thereafter. A print compilation of the first three novels will publish in January 2012.
Let’s Dance on The Grave of Jones Harvest
It appears that Jones Harvest Publishers, the vanity press run by huckster Brien Jones, has finally died in shame. His company website has disappeared and he's reportedly closed the pitiful little storefront that he operated to convince his gullible "authors," primarily senior citizens, that their poorly-printed books would be available in brick-and-mortar stores.
Bonnie Kaye, who operates the Jones Harvest Fraud Victims blog and the Jones Harvest Fraud Victims site, reports:
I have been receiving letters from people who are customers of Jones Harvest stating that there is no way to contact them. So I did some of my own investigating and found out they were right–the website has been down for at least a week. The emails are being returned. No one is answering the phone…
Rumor has, he's decided to become a writer instead…
UPDATE 10/11/2011 (11:41pm): Maybe I spoke too soon. Here's what Brien Jones wrote a few weeks back on his blog:
So, You want to start your own company? It’s lonely at the top…
As far as THIS SERIES is concerned EIGHT is DEFINETLY ENOUGH.
Also because THIS subject is closest to my heart it will probably not be terribly amusing—ESPECIALLY if you’re underpaid and stuck in a dead-end job with AN ASSHOLE for a BOSS.
Recently I was HORRIFIED TO LEARN that was precisely how my colleagues viewed ME.
THAT’S MY FAULT. As with EVERY rule, law, or responsibility IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE. In fact, NOT knowing makes the situation WORSE.
THAT’S NOT how things USED TO BE. If you spent a day working in our office last year you wouldn’t have thought BRIEN JONES was in charge of ANYTHING.
My wife and co-founder Brandy (who remains UNIVERSALLY REVERED) had clearly been at the helm.
Then I stepped in and made a couple VERY BAD DECISIONS. As a result of those decisions what had been a vibrant, happy and even slightly profitable little company augured into the ground.
Clearly I’m no good at running things.
For example MY LATEST HIRE has failed to meet every benchmark and quota imaginable (aside from FARTING) and often appears only long enough to ask if we’ve RECEIVED ANY CHECKS.
THAT ATTITUDE is not unique.
Over the past five years we’ve had QUITE A FEW PEOPLE that think MONEY JUST RAINS IN OUT OF THE SKY and we’re not CATCHING IT RIGHT.
Huh. Maybe they're onto something, after all…
Now we’re losing our last and BEST COLLEAGUE. And THAT is a CRISIS.
It is well known that the word ‘CRISIS’ in Japanese, (危機=kiki) is a combination of ”danger” and 機=”fucking up completely.”
ALL SUMMER I have been busting my ass to pay people that are just farting around, LITERALLY. (And THEN listening to THEM lecture ME about responsibility!)
That’s all over now kids!
But JONES HARVEST PUBLISHING is very much alive. It’s just going to be UNDER OLD MANAGEMENT.
I’ll still be around! AFTER ALL, if you read about me on the internet THE WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA.
No matter WHAT happens we’ve already beat the odds!
According to Business Week, “The data show that, across sectors, 66 percent of new establishments were still in existence 2 years after their birth, and 44 percent were still in existence 4 years after.”
OCTOBER 24, we begin our SIXTH YEAR! I can’t WAIT to see the new DEATH-THREATS!
The Publishing Cart Before the Storytelling Horse
I wish I could take credit for that headline, but it belongs to Chuck Wendig. He makes a very good point in a recent, and controversial, blog post about the obsession self-published authors have with striking it rich, boosting their rankings, voting on tags, etc. and how little attention they pay to the really, really, REALLY important part…
In self-publishing, I see so much that focuses on sales numbers and money earned, but I see alarmingly little that devotes itself toward telling good stories. After all, that’s the point, right? Selling is, or should be, secondary. The quality of one’s writing and the power of one’s storytelling is key. It’s primary. It’s why we do this thing that we do. Any time you hear about the major self-publishers, it’s always about the sales, the percentage, the money earned. What’s rare is a comment about how good the books are. When the narrative was all about Amanda Hocking, everybody was buzzing about her numbers, but nobody I know was buzzing about how good those books were. Focus less on the delivery of the stories and more about the quality of what’s being delivered.
The problem is, if more self-published authors did that, they'd have to acknowledge how insanely awful most of the "indie" stuff really is. Josin L. McQuein, one of the commentors on Chuck's post, summed up the problem perfectly:
…self-e-publishing is a lot like the atmosphere on a fanfiction site. It’s mostly garbage, and everyone reading it knows that. Among that garbage, there are pockets of gold and diamonds that, if found, will draw readers. (I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some of the more popular fanfic authors make a serious go of self-e-publishing. They’ve got a built in audience that can be tens of thousands strong in the larger fandoms.) The trick is, someone has to find those pockets of precious material and pass the information along. It doesn’t always happen. If you’re going to self-e-publish, then TAKE YOUR TIME. If it takes you weeks, months, or even a year to write your book, then why would you undermine all of that time and effort by rushing through the final steps of the process? If you’re going self-publish, then don’t handicap your novel by not making it the best you possibly can.
In other words, don't put the publishing cart before the story-telling horse.
The Avengers, a Quinn Martin Production
Here’s the first fifteen minutes of the busted pilot ESCAPADE, producer Quinn Martin’s awful attempt to do an American version of THE AVENGERS.
Now You Can Finally See REMAINDERED
Last September, I wrote & directed the short film REMAINDERED in Owensboro, Kentucky with a great cast (Eric Altheide, Sebrina Siegel, Todd Reynolds and Lisa Baldwin) and a terrific crew on a $1500 budget.
Our film has played at the Beaufort International Film Festival, the Myrtle Beach International Film Festival, the Beverly Hills Shorts Festival, the Traverse City Shorts Festival, The Big Island Film Festival, and the Derby City Film Festival, where Sebrina Siegel was selected as a finalist for Best Actress.
We also picked up some incredible reviews along the way, like these:
"REMAINDERED was such a hoot. I loved everything about it and had so much fun. More awesomeness from Lee Goldberg," Sara Gran, author of "Dope" and "Come Closer."
"This may be the only time you’ll ever hear the dictate 'Read to me' uttered quite so seductively. Telling more about Goldberg’s plot would spoil its many criminal and comic delights. […]REMAINDERED may not be a mammoth Hollywood production, but Goldberg-has invested no less attention in its crafting because of that," J. Kingston Pierce, The Rap Sheet.
"REMAINDERED is brilliant! Hilarious, suspenseful, with booksigning sequences that induce PTSD… bravo!" Barry Eisler, bestselling author of "Hard Rain."
"REMAINDERED is terrific," Ken Levine, Emmy-award winning writer/producer of "M*A*S*H" and "Cheers."
"REMAINDERED is great facial exercise for writers. It makes us laugh and cry at the same time," Thomas Perry, bestselling author of "The Informant"
"One of the wiliest short stories I've read in many years. Really laughed my ass off when I read it. The short film based on it is equally excellent. Lee Goldberg at his very best," Ed Gorman, author of "Trouble Man."
"REMAINDERED was so well done on some many levels," Naomi Hirahara, bestselling author of "Blood Hina."
"A most enjoyable mini-feature. Professional all the way from screenplay to actors to direction. I must say I also laughed at all the touches of wry comedy. Lee Goldberg has the goods," William Link, Emmy Award winning writer/co-creator of "Columbo" and "Murder She Wrote"
"REMAINDERED is a hoot, a low budget production with a big heart and exceptional values, a twenty minute film that keeps you holding your breath until it explodes with laughter," Paul Bishop, author of "Twice Dead" and host of the ABC reality series "Take the Money and Run."
"The story was great and the actors were outstanding," Joel Goldman, author of "No Way Out."
"I loved REMAINDERED!" Daniel J. Hale, co-author of "Red Card."
"Very entertaining. Hard to believe it was directed by a first-timer. And I loved the soundtrack," Matt Witten, writer/producer of "House," "Medium" and "Law & Order."
"I enjoyed REMAINDERED immensely," Hal Ackerman, author of "Stein Stoned" and co-chair of the screenwriting department of the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television
"One of the highlights of Bouchercon – the world mystery convention – was watching Lee Goldberg's independent film REMAINDERED. If it comes to a film festival near you, don't miss it. It rocked the house," Julie Kramer, author of "Silencing Sam."
"A marvelous script. Haven't heard that much out loud laughter from an audience in a long time," Robert S. Levinson, author of "Ask a Dead Man."
"Really well done and hilarious," Sheila Lowe, author of "Written in Blood"
"This twenty-minute film is funny, sharply observed, and very well put together. It might be a low-budget production, but it doesn't look it. The actors are having fun, and Goldberg gets the most out of every shot," Bill Crider, author of "Outrage at Blanco."
"Stinging and accomplished…the tale is as well-turned as you'd expect from a pro and it takes imaginative flight from a reality that'll be recognized by anyone who has ever faced the world over a stack of books at a signing table," Stephen Gallagher, author/writer/creator of the hit BBC TV series "The Eleventh Hour."
Now that a year has passed, and I'm preparing to shoot the sequel in Owensboro in early 2012 as a co-production with Riverpark Center and Firelight Entertainment Group, I thought it was time to finally share the film with everyone.
So here it is. I look forward to hearing what you think of the movie!