Month: August 2005

What is the WGA Thinking?

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This has not been a great couple of years for the Writers Guild of America. First, president Victoria Riskin created an embarrassing scandal when it was revealed she wasn’t actually an active member and, therefore, unqualified to serve.  She resigned and Charles Holland took her place — until it was revealed by the LA Times that claims he made about his college football accomplishments and military service were at best exaggerated and at worst complete fabrications.  He resigned, too. 

After those two scandals, and with the union’s image in tatters, the WGA instigated a very public battle with their own members by charging that the  WGAe hadn’t paid their fair share of dues. While the WGA may have been right, technically and legally,  in their dispute with WGAe, it was a public relations disaster that underscored the  image of a Guild in utter disarray.

And so it goes today. Apparently, the WGA board has learned nothing from the events of the past couple of years.  Variety reports that the WGA is giving Riskin the prestigious Valentine Davies Award for her contributions to writers and the community at large. 

The action — taken several weeks ago with board members pledged to
confidentiality — undoubtedly will reopen what had been an embarrassing chapter
for the WGA West.

No kidding.  What were they thinking? Or, more accurately, were they even thinking at all? I don’t argue that Riskin may deserve the honor…I’m sure that she is. But to give it to her now, so soon after she resigned in disgrace and embarrassed her Guild,  is such a blatantly  wrong-headed decision that I can’t believe the Board seriously considered it…much less approved it.

This decision shows that the board suffers from a disturbing and rather astonishing case of political ineptitude. Can they be this unaware of how their reactions are perceived…or the image of the Guild right now among its members and the industry as a whole? Either they are  dumb or they are clueless. Neither choice speaks very well of our elected leadership.

Keenan on BADGE

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Mystery lover Vince Keenan, columnist for the excellent Mystery File newsletter, had some very nice to things to say about THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE on his blog today.

Harvey Mapes drifted into security work because he thought it
would be like MANNIX or one of his Gold Medal paperbacks. He stays in it because
it gives him time to read more Gold Medal paperbacks. When a resident of the
gated community where he works hires him to tail his wife, Harvey finally gets
his chance to make like Spenser.

The book is about Harvey’s discovery
that real-life crime isn’t like the fictional variety at all. At first, the
differences are played for laughs, but when Harvey’s case takes a tragic turn,
Lee never loses his footing. Harvey actually matures on the page, a
transformation made evident in the character’s distinctive voice. He stops
wising off and starts wising up.

Thanks, Vince. And where’s the next issue of Mystery File? I’m going through withdrawal.

“There’s a Process?”

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Cover_svlMy friend author Paul Levine’s brand new website is up, just in time for the launch of his acclaimed new novel SOLOMAN VS LORD. It’s a slick site…go take a peek right now.  Among the many funny and interesting things on the site is this anecdote about his first Hollywood experience with a movie based on one of his books:

Here’s an actual telephone conversation between the naive novelist in Miami and
the savvy screenwriter in Hollywood:

NOVELIST
You didn’t use any of my notes.

SCREENWRITER

And you don’t understand the process.

NOVELIST
There’s a
process?

SCREENWRITER
See, you owned a car. You sold us the car.
Now, you want to drive the car. But I’m gonna drive it. You can wave as it goes
by. That’s the process.

Mr. Schneider, Your Movie Sucks

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In his review of the new Deuce Bigelow movie, critic Roger Eberts gets back at Rob Schneider for his swipe, several months back, at LA Times reporter Patrick Goldstein:

The movie created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story
by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob
Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times
listed this year’s Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored,
unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that … bankroll
hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to ‘Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,’ a
film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the
foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a
Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily
Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein,
Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out
what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing.
Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind … Maybe you didn’t win
a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for Best Third-Rate,
Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who’s Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he
can’t take it. Then I found he’s not so good at dishing it out, either. I went
online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a
Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists’ Guild
award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie
Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer
Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed
"Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in
"Million
Dollar Baby," "Ray,"
"The
Aviator," "Sideways"
and "Finding
Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize,
and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize
winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

(Thanks to William Rabkin for the heads-up on this!)

A Kindred Spirit

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When I was nine years old, I started writing my book UNSOLD TV PILOTS. It was what studio and network execs today like to call "a passion project." I wanted to listed every pilot rejected by the networks since the dawn of television. I finally finished the book around 1988 and it was published in 1989. I’ve continued compiling information since then — and although I never wrote the sequel, that research became the fodder for two TV special, one for CBS and one for ABC, that I produced with William Rabkin.  I thought I was alone in my strange fascination with TV failures…but I’m not.

The blog TrivialTV notes that summer used to be the time when networks burned off their busted pilots. Not anymore. Now it’s a reality show backwater. But in honor of all those busted pilots, today TrivialTV lists the titles and airdates of most of the 1/2 hour and hour-long  busted pilots that have been broadcast  since January 1, 1990.

Start Your Day With A Belly Laugh

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GaywyckHere are two very funny posts to start off your day.  Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels gleefully skewer another batch of horrendous book covers. This week, it’s some gay erotica:

Dear God. It’s like a checklist: open shirt? Check! Tucked into pants? Check!
Ruffle? CHECK! But what’s up with Ichabod Crane’s low-hanging saggy scrotum, there? I mean,
is shirt-dude kneeling out of pity? The man is half-dead, and the half that’s
dead is down his pants.

And my brother Tod ridicules perhaps the dumbest person to ever write to that beacon of knowledge, Walter Scott.

M. Beatryce Shaw of Conway, SC asks, amazingly, really:

Are the corpses used in the various CSI shows actual dead people or are they
mannequins?

(Click on the book cover for a larger image…if you dare)

More Ways for the Self-Published to Throw Away Their Money

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I’ve received a slew of new pitches from hucksters  who think the self-published are suckers and, apparently, that I am one of them. To be fair to the hucksters, anyone who sends them a check after visiting their sites deserves whatever they get.

First up, there’s "The Hollywood Experience" offered by www.bookmanmarketing.com. For $599, Bookman Marketing will present your book "face to face" to Hollywood producers  and directors.

Each time we present projects we learn more about the entertainment industry
and more importantly how to sell ideas.  For example, we have learned not to hand out written information (it is universally ignored) and not to make casting suggestions.  We also learned not to present new ideas as a marriage of past films. 

Most presenters hand out packages consisting of outlines, promotions, reviews and even text. Then they go on to describe a potential project as "Rain Man meets Platoon" or some other combination.  These presenters are never taken seriously.  What works best and gets the most results are a business card and a concise description of the book.  That’s precisely what
we do.  When possible, we also tell the story from the vantage point of the protagonist. 

Oh yeah, these are the slick professionals you want pitching your book to Hollywood.  They’ve also learned that typed manuscripts are more effective than those handwritten in crayon. 

If you’re getting carpal tunnel syndrome from flushing your money dollar by dollar down the toilet, consider investing in one of Bookman Marketing’s many promotional packages,  ranging in price from $399 to $1895. Here are some of the amazing benefits they offer:

Calling bookstore owners on the phone is the most productive way to sell books.
As part of this package our full-time telemarketers will call bookstores and try
to sell your book and/or set up book signings.

That’s how to win over booksellers — bombard’em with calls from telemarketers!

Feature your book with our unique bookselling websites.
Bookmanmarketing.com is designed for bookstore owners. Bookatron.com is
positioned to become the premiere bookselling website for consumers. On these
sites, your book will not only benefit from your own book selling campaigns, but
from the campaigns of all of our other authors.

Wow. Imagine having your book sold on their website alongside used copies of  William Shatner’s "Star Trek Movie Memories" for $2.99 and the hot new self-published title "Places to Visit in Utah" for $29.99.  You’re bound to become a bestseller overnight!

We will also sell your book in our two retail stores in Franklin and
Martinsville, Indiana and take your book with us to book shows

I’ve often wondered  how I could finally break into the highly competitive Martinsville, Indiana market. Now I know.  But that’s not all.. for another  $299, you can list your book on  their site Signedbytheauthor.net

A unique website selling books autographed by the author! This one-of-a-kind
website offers books that are signed by the author. Instantly turn your books
into valuable collector’s items and gifts.

I hear collectors are clamoring for signed copies of "This Strange Quantum World and You" and "Are You Nobody from Nowhere Going No Place?" You better get there fast before all the copies are sold. If you’ve got any money left over afterwards, you should visit bookstofilmrealitytv.com.

We differ from screenwriting sites, in that we only accept screenplays that are derived from books. We also differ in that our panelist are comprised of a world where avid readers work directly with a panel of producers to bring the right property to fruition. Our book reviewers, book clubs and the actors themselves are included in the process of our selection in securing the rights of future film projects by being panel members.

Clearly, English is their second language.  From what I can gather, they’re trying to launch a TV show in which "bestselling authors" and the self-published compete somehow to have their books adapted into a film. I couldn’t figure out their format, but they decorate their site with a lot of bookcovers from bestselling authors (who are not associated with their show) in a lame attempt to add some legitimacy to their pitch. Their celebrity judges are producer Marilyn Atlas, Bookpitch.com CEO Patricia Kelley and Tee C. Royal of "Rawsistahs Reviewers." I guess Lori Prokop was unavailable.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

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It seems like everywhere I turned today, I ran into the phrase "kicking ass and taking names."  It may have been clever the first time it was used, but it has become a cliche and, as such, lost whatever power it had.  Remember when "cut to the chase" used to sound clever? Now it’s as sharp a line as "stop beating around the bush."

WGA Election

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Today, I attended a gathering at screenwriter John Brancato’s home of "Writers United," a slate of candidates running for the Board of the  Writers Guild of America. Their most eloquent and impassioned speaker was vp candidate David Weiss, who outlined the "platform" that sets them apart from the other slate (I’m sure they have a nifty name, too, but I’ve forgotten it ). Basically, Writers United wants the Guild to focus more of its resources on organizing (bringing new writers into the fold), corporate/industry analysis (research on the companies to give us a better negotiating strategy), and stronger alliances with other industry unions and guilds.

Before the formal presentations began, I talked casually with some of the other attendees, all of whom shared my feeling that the WGA has, basically, been embarrassing itself and its members with its actions the last few years (President Victora Riskin resigning in scandal, her successor Charles Holland resigning in scandal, very public infighting between the WGAw and the WGAe, etc.).

Unlike previous WGA elections, I have no idea who to vote for, so I am going to these events with my eyes and ears wide open.  Next, I’ll attend an event hosted by the opposing slate to see what they have to say and how they differ from the Writers United slate. That said, I tend not to follow slates. I prefer to vote for individuals I believe in with bold ideas and views/priorities/concerns similar to my own.