#1 New York Times Bestselling Author & TV Producer
These are some very scary people. Let’s hope nobody ever teaches these morons how to rub two sticks together and make fire, or lots of books are gonna be burned.
Among the books they think are "vulgar titles" and "pornography" include I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, ALL THE PRETTY HORSES, BELOVED, SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE, and CATCHER IN THE RYE.
If they think those are bad, let’s hope they never get around to reading THE BIBLE.
The SFWeekly’s Harmon Leon visited a porn set and had this awkward experience.
On set, the tempo builds. It builds! It builds! It builds! Then the
rotund sound guy barks, "Let’s change the tape!" Everything comes to a
grinding halt. Harv dismounts. Still fully aroused, he takes time for a
cigarette and shares his mainstream aspirations to be a stand-up
comedian.
Being in the comedy industry, I offer advice to nude, aroused Harv.
"When at a comedy club," I advise, "be sure not to hump anything onstage!"
Harv takes this in, then pulls out a tube of lube and lotions up his Calvin Coolidge. I could really do without that.
"OK guys, we’re back to work again!" commands the director.
Craig Mazin at The Artful Writer offers this piece of advice to working screenwriters:
If you’re a professional screenwriter and you’re asked to make a change that you think is awful, say “Yes.”
Always say yes.
Destroy the main character? “Yes!” Change that brilliant ending that
brings everything full circle with a twist-and-a-half? “Sure!” If the
producer or director has an idea that’s just god-awful, death-dealing,
movie-wrecking, story-killing, your answer to the request should be a
charming and pleasant “Okay!” Say it with pride. Alacrity, even.Why? Because saying yes costs you nothing, and gains you much.
When I say “yes,” I’m not agreeing to be slavish. I’m simply agreeing to try.
If I determine that their suggestion is not to be done, I can explain
why. When you remove that initial “no,” you remove 99% of the hostility
and disfunction from the writer-employer relationship while ceding 0%
of your authority and power. And it’s funny. Ever since I began saying
“yes” a few years back, two interesting things have come to pass.I haven’t had to write anything I didn’t believe in…
…and no one’s fired me.
I don’t agree with this advice… and I’ve never been fired. What I don’t do is say "No." What I might say is "That’s an interesting thought, but here’s what will happen to the story if I do it," or "I don’t think that’s a good idea, and here’s why," or "Let me think about it." But I never say yes to a note I have no intention of doing. But that’s if I’m writing a TV movie or a feature or a pilot.
On the other hand, if I am writing a freelance episode of a TV series, I might respond to a bad note by saying "if I do that, here’s how it will impact the story," but I won’t press the point if the executive producer disagrees. I will always say "Yes." I will always do the note, gladly and with no argument, no matter what. Why? Because your job on a TV series is to do what the showrunner wants. It’s his show, his characters, not yours. You are a carpenter. You have come to do a job in his house. Your job is to do what the customer wants to the very best of your ability.
On the back of today’s issue of Variety, the industry trade publication, was a big advertisement for "Variety Vision," a new "video streaming environment" that offers you video interviews with Variety staffers.
Tune in to watch our top editors argue, cajole and spin about current issues affecting the business of entertainment. No login or password required. It’s free.
Of course it’s free. And it’s still too expensive. Why the hell would anyone possible care what Variety "reporters" have to say about anything? For one thing, they rarely report at all. I can’t remember the last time they engaged in anything remotely approaching actual journalism…
Let’s take a look at today’s issue, for example, shall we? I’ll put an asterisk next to anything that involved doing more than reworking a publicity packet.
On the front page:
CRIME ON THE RISE AT NEW LINE – A rewrite of a press release about some new films. No reporting involved (N.R.I.)
U’S HANDED THE KEYS TO KINGDOM – A rewrite of a press release about rights acquired to a book. (N.R.I)
COL TAPS TWO FOR NY HOME – A rewrite of announcement about new employees hired.
* A ONE MAN BRAND – An article about all the projects Jon Steward has going,prompted by a press release about his new deal at Comedy Central. This could generously be called an oveview of the subject.
Page 2:
* ARMY ARCHERD: JUST FOR VARIETY – Army works the phones for his usual column about social happenings in Hollywood. Yes, this is reporting. No substance to it, but you can’t argue that he did more than rewrite press releases.
* CONTSTANTINE EMPORER OF ASIA – List of foreign box office tallies for movies. I’ll be kind, and call this reporting…though it barely qualifies (since there is no analysis, simply restating figures supplied by services).
HARRIS SCORES LEAD IN INDIE BETHOVEN – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
Page 3
LOTS OF REAL DEALS – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
HITCH FINDS HOME ON TURNER NET – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
MCDERMOTT WEIGHT IN WITH CBS DRAMA – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
SMOKE RISES AT GOLD CIRCLE – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
JOEY HUGE FOR UK’S FIVE – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
* GALLERY BID FOR VID RIVAL OK WITH FTC – Minimal reporting, but still qualifies as news article.
Page 4
DINKLAGE CAUGHT UP IN AFFAIR – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
MTV ENROLLING IN PREP -Rewrite of press release (NRI)
AMC BOOKING SUITE FOR INTERVIEWS – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
INFINITY UPS BARNET -Rewrite of press release (NRI)
AMY PRESIDES AT HALLMARK – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
* RATINGS OUT OF TUNE – Overview of Grammy ratings. Minimal reporting, but still qualifies as news article.
Page 6
BOX OFFICE WRAP UP CHART
Page 7
* BOMBER TALE IGNITES BERLINALE COMPETISH – Review of film competition. News article.
SHOCHIKU SHARPENS ITS BLADE FOR INTL SALES – Rewrite of press releases (NRI)
* STUDIO DRAW SUITOR – Rewrite of press release but with some analysis, so I will be generous and call it news
KINGS RULE FRENCH CRITICS -Rewrite of press release (NRI)
GUILD GETS GIG AT MTV EUROPE – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
BEEB CHIEF SEGUES TO INDIE – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
Page 9-10
Concert Reviews
Page 11
SHARK HAS DVD BITE – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
CONTINUATIONS OF OTHER ARTICLES
Page 16
MIFED TAKES ITS FINAL BOW – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
Page 18
OBITS
CONTINUATIONS OF OTHER ARTICLES
Page 19
ATARI GAME FOR MATRIX REDUX – Rewrite of press release (NRI)
CONTINUATIONS OF OTHER ARTICLES
Page 20
* GRAMMY GROOVES – Party reporting and photos.
So, let’s see, out of 30 articles, only 8 had any reporting. Of those 8, six were based on press statements or releases. The only stories generated by the reporters on their own initiative and "investigation" were two gossip columns. And they call this reporting. Maybe it’s because I come from a family of reporters, but my criteria for reporting involves finding the news yourself, making calls, doing research, interviewing people, digging below the surface to generate stories about something more than what’s spoonfed to you.
I guess that’s old-fashioned. Only Army Archerd seems to be doing anything remotely like that at Variety these days. Of course this is the same publication that
a) promises powerful execs they will go soft on them in articles and make sure they come off in a positive light.
b) whine about how wronged they feel when the press releases they blithely base articles on turn out to contain lies.
c) has a publisher who vets stories with studio chiefs and fires critics who are too critical of films by studios that advertise in Variety.
Variety Vision. Unbelieveable. What could these "reporters" possibly have to say about anything? Unless, of course, they have a press release to read…
I just finished reading OFF DUTY by Andrew Coburn, which was strongly recommended to me by Ed Gorman….and for good reason. It’s a great book.
I’d never heard of the guy, and I like to think of myself as fairly plugged in to the mystery/thriller scene. It turns out that Coburn has written several well-reviewed thrillers and was even nominated for an Edgar a few years back…and yet, he’s virtually unknown. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any books that are still in print and hasn’t had a new title out in several years. Which is a damn shame, because he’s as good, or better, than many of the bestselling authors working today.
All of which got me thinking about the shadow class of mystery/thriller writers… solid pros who’ve written fantastic stuff and yet toil in almost complete obscurity… if they are lucky enough to still be writing, and having their work published, at all. Robert Sims Reid, Robert Reiss, Gary Disher, James Colbert, Tom Kakonis, William Hoffman, Gaylord Dold, Robert Ray and Clay Reynolds are other authors who come to mind (you might know a few, too). I would have put Kent Harrington on that list… but, thankfully, his new book has been getting enough attention that he might finally step out into the light.
So why is it that some authors never show up on the public or critical radar despite writing top-notch mysteries and thrillers? Are they not marketing themselves enough? Are they victims of poor distribution and promotion? Or are they writing stuff that’s too narrow in appeal?
I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts… and learning about any authors you’d add to the list of the shadow class…
My new "Diagnosis Murder" novel, THE WAKING NIGHMARE got a rave review from Patrick Hynes at Ankle-Biting Pundits.com, a conservative political website.
If you like mysteries, buy this book. It’s perfect for the beach. It’s perfect
for a rainy day. Perfect if you’re snowbound. And if you’re like me, you’ll
quickly get addicted.
I guess I shouldn’t tell him I voted for John Kerry…
Over the last 24 hours, I’ve been getting a lot of spam comments on the blog promoting self-publishing scams and writing-oriented "Get Rich Quick Schemes"… as well as some fradulent comments under my own name. I’ve deleted them all.
My guess is that its a coordinated, and utterly pointless, campaign by one of the scammers I’ve been trashing here. If nothing else, it certainly reveals the infantile character, limited intellect, and pitiful desperation of the conmen behind these swindles. Don’t be surprised if you see more spam and fake comments over the coming days…it’s how they try to silence and bully their critics, but it won’t work with me.
From here on, actor Tom Sizemore’s nick-name should be whizzinator. Why? He failed a court-ordered drug test by trying to use a prosthetic penis, known commercially as "The Whizzinator," instead of his, um, own to fill the cup.
Prosecutors told Judge Baretto that
Sizemore failed three drug tests in three days, the first after he was
caught using a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a
clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack.Carney said the ruse was revealed when the temperature of the
sample proved too cool to have come from Sizemore’s body, and he was
asked to remove his pants.According to prosecutors, Sizemore had been caught once before
trying to use a similar device, sold over the Internet under the brand
name the Whizzinator, and had failed drug tests on at least five
occasions.
I wonder where the "clean urine" came from and what else he uses that prosthetic penis for.
Documentary Writer/Producer Janet Ginsburg noticed that…
People are always talking about how the Jews rule the world, but I am
pretty sure we don’t. For one thing, I think I would know by now. I
would have at least gotten a phone call. Nobody has sent me a basket of
fruit or anything.
The book industry is trying to sex itself up with a new award show called The Quills. As the LA Times described it a few days ago…
the book industry is taking a page, so to speak, from Hollywood, and backing the
Quills, a new national award event that would be a conflation of the Oscars and
the People’s Choice Awards. But instead of movies, TV or pop music, it would be
a "consumer-driven celebration of the written word."
While the Oscars are chosen by members of the Motion Picture Academy, and the Emmy’s by members of the Television Academy of Arts and Sciences, the Quills will be selected by 6,000 booksellers and librarians drawn
from the subscription list of Publishers Weekly, a trade magazine, which is also sponsoring the awards with major NY Publishers.
In a nod to the People’s Choice Awards, after the booksellers and librarians come up with five finalists in 15
categories from best romance to best religion/spirituality book, winners will be
chosen by regular folks who will vote online or at Borders and
other selected bookstores. The awards ceremony will be aired on the NBC owned-and-operated stations.
The San Francisco Chronicle’s David Kipen sees huge ethical problems with the Quill Awards, for obvious reasons.
What NBC Universal gets out of all this isn’t hard to guess. By wrapping itself
in the ermine mantle of literature for a couple of hours a year, it temporarily
inoculates itself against any future Nipplegate-like FCC imbroglios. But NBC U’s
upside is small beer compared with what’s in it for Reed Business International… in co-administering an
annual awards ceremony honoring the very industry PW covers, the magazine’s
conflicts of interest are, not to put too fine a point on it, ripe for the
plucking. For a suitable analogy, just imagine if, instead of the motion picture
academy, Daily Variety gave out the Oscars…. Variety must make easily half its
ad revenue just during Oscar season. If anybody thinks PW doesn’t see the Quill
Awards as a potentially comparable generator of humongous ad revenue from
publishers, I’ve got a short-story collection by a homely writer over 50 I’d
like to sell you."
Even with his reservations, Kipen is glad to see books getting more attention… even if that attention is the equivalent of an infomercial and an excuse for PW to shill for advertising and subscription sales.