Lee Goldberg

On the Road Again

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Zoegun5Yesterday, I kicked off a schedule of promotional events (that stretches into March 2006) by signing at The Mystery Book  Store and Mysteries to Die For with my friend Zoe Sharp, who is in the states from the U.K pushing her hot new novel FIRST DROP. She was accompanied by Andy, her swarthy body guard, photographer, sex slave, pack-horse, chauffeur and doting husband. We had a wonderful time meeting readers, chatting with booksellers and hanging out. My daughter Madison strong-armed Zoe into buying a copy of her book
ADVENTURES OF KITTY WONDER #2: LOTS OF KILLING and at Mysteries to Die
For, Andy test-drove the owner’s new Lexus hybrid. Zoe will be posting some pictures of our whirlwind L.A. tour on her website.  You can also check out her road-trip blog.

Here’s a story of a man named Brady

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I make the mistake of joking about  Partridge Family slash fanfic and what happens? My brother Tod finds this:

"Greg. Greg Brady." Greg proffered his hand to be shaken and Keith [Partridge] held onto it a little too long.

"You’re touring with us, right?"

"Uh huh." Greg licked his lips and wondered why his pants suddenly felt so tight.

"We should be getting ready."

"Yeah." Greg shook himself out of his reverie and said, "You have nice hair."

"Thanks. So do you."

"Maybe we could–" Greg started tentatively.

Keith smiled slowly. "I know a place."

"We could get caught. I mean–" Greg’s cheeks flamed bright red and he ducked his head to avoid Keith’s probable scrutiny.

"Not if we hurry. Come on."

Keith knew where all the dark places to hide were. He had to. He had an
overprotective mother and more siblings than he could count.

Raves for Tod

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The litblog Bookslut loves Tod’s new book SIMPLIFY:

Simplify captures a wide range of emotions and style in his debut
collection of short stories. Goldberg has thought a lot about the human
condition and the way our hearts and minds define us. He is effortlessly
brilliant with his pared-down prose and attention to detail. In a society that
is disinclined to contemplate our own deaths, Goldberg hits it head-on with no
qualms or fluff. His stories will provoke and startle you. There is a distinct
balance in each of his stories, giving just enough humor, thought and sincerity
to the entire collection. It’s rare to find a book that can evoke such strong
emotions within a single collection, however, Tod Goldberg’s Simplify
is a force to be reckoned with.

Will the price of gas affect what studios pay for spec scripts?

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I had this  email exchange today:

I am wondering how much of an affect does the current state of the country will have on Holly Wood when it comes to buying scripts?

I replied:

Not to be dense, but I don’t understand your question. Do you mean the
economy? The war in Iraq? The hurricane in New Orleans? And what do you
mean by affect? The kinds of stories Hollywood will or won’t buy? The
money they are paying for specs?

He replied:

I apologize for not being specific. I was talking about everything you
mentioned including the high gas prices.  Will these events have an
affect on the number of scripts Hollywood will purchase for this year?
Will they have an affect on the purchasing price for the scripts they
do buy?

I replied:

That is such a broad question, I couldn’t possibly answer it. I have no idea if all the events in the world today — economic, political and social — will affect the number of scripts Hollywood buys or what they pay for them.  But I want to be helpful, so  here’s some advice: Don’t write a script about a private eye who can communicate with plants. I think a story like that wouldn’t do well no matter what is happening in the world today.

Mystery Lovers Corner

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I got a spam email the other day from Dawn Doodle of  Mystery Lovers Corner, an amateurish website that, for a one-time fee of $35, will list your bio and  one of your books.

You don’t want readers to wonder why your books aren’t here.

Lots of categories to classify your books.

We had our Grand Opening 5/27/05, and since then we‚ve had over 1700 hits to the website.  More authors are joining daily.  Currently over 60 have joined, including Carolyn Hart, Joanne Fluke, Robin Hathaway, and Lyn Hamilton.

We also have a Featured Author each month.  They answer interview questions and are featured on an additional page for no additional cost.  In the future, we may increase the number of Featured Authors each month to give more authors the extra exposure

I don’t see how paying for "exposure" on this amateurishly-designed, no-prestige, low-traffic site is much of a promotional opportunity — not to brag, but I get more hits here per day than they’ve had in five months. A blank page could probably get more hits (especially if you put the word breasts in the text somewhere).  Her low traffic and sloppy design simply aren’t worth the thirty five bucks.

In my opinion, you’re much better off spending the money on a five month subscription
to Typepad ($4.95-a-month, first month free) and starting your own blog. It will
look a lot better than her site, it will focus only on YOU, and you’ll probably
get as much (if not more) traffic than you would on her obscure corner of
cyberspace.

Can You Get My Portrait Signed?

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I got this email today:

My wife and I have been huge Dick Van Dyke fans since the early 1960’s.  Would
you please consider forwarding this email to Mr. Van Dyke, since it concerns a
portrait of him that I recently completed.  I’m hoping to persuade him to sign
one of my prints for my private art collection of celebrity portraits…

… I realize that this is a brazen request, but I hope that you will consider it
anyway.  If you would like, I’ll send you a digital photo so that you can
determine if my Dick Van Dyke drawing is worthy of a signature.

Please don’t.

Intercutting

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I got this email today:

I’m having trouble presenting a multiple location event in my screenplay. Let’s say, for example, there are 5 peace rallies in 5 US cities all going on at the same time. At each event there is some action and dialogue. We stay only briefly at each location. How the heck is that written? Every way I try to present it seems awkward. Thanks for your time.

Here’s how I replied. I think one reason it’s awkward is that the situation isn’t very conducive to good story telling. It’s hard to create conflict, or reveal much character, or tell a story, while cutting back and forth between five very similar events. My first bit of advice would be to restructure your story so you DON’T have to cut between five nearly identical events. But, barring that, you need to make it as simple as you can.

EXT. LOS ANGELES PEACE RALLY – DAY

Griffith Park is crowded with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE (don’t you just love CGI? How did people make movies before?) It’s pouring rain. Biff and Joan make love in the mud while everyone around them sings Koombaya. Joan has great breasts. INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. CHICAGO PEACE RALLY – NIGHT

Convention Center. There are TENS OF THOUSANDS of peace-loving people here. But we don’t care about them. We FIND Jake creeping under the stage, carrying the BOMB that’s hidden inside the
INFLATABLE WOMAN. She has great breasts, too. INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SEATTLE PEACE RALLY – DAY

Hundreds of people mill around the base of the SPACE NEEDLE, holding hands and chanting. We PAN UP to the observation tower of the Space Needle, where HOYT, 12, is about to pour a cup of STARBUCK COFFEE on the people below, some of whom have great breasts and some of whom don’t. INTERCUT WITH:

and when you’re done visiting your five locations (I am exhausted just thinking about it), you end the sequence with a simple END INTERCUT.