The Mail I Get

I received this email today:

I have a synopsis for a t.v. serial.  Please contact me for more information.

How could anyone resist a pitch like that?

I got this email today… from Australia. I can’t imagine why this person’s script hasn’t sold… can you?

This is a plea for help. A plea for someone to PLEASE read my script and help me with producing it – or even forwarding it on to someone for them to have a look at it.

I sent a re-make of "Grapes of Wraith" which I spenf AGES writing to Nicole Kidman – only to have her Agent replying back "Send to someone else – we dont deal with this" – I thought – yeh thanks for your help.I havent seen another Nicole Kidman movie yet. This was around two to three years ago.

Please, Please Lee – Can you please Help

I had this email exchange today.  This exchange is verbatim, I haven’t corrected or changed any of the spellings, grammar, etc:

Dear Mr Goldberg

I was wondering since you published a few books do you know any good traditional publsihing companies? I translated my father’s book and I am looking for a publsihing company. Please let me know.

I replied that there are many publishing companies, but that she’d be better off finding an agent first. She responded as follows:

Dear mr. goldberg

if it’s not a problem can you please give me the names of some traditional publishing companeis you contatcted with.

Thank You

So I sent her a list of publishing companies. And she replied:

Dear Mr Golberg,

I am sorry to bother you thrid time in one day. I was wondering if any of those publishing companeis will agree to at elast conscider my manuscript can I tell them that you refered me to them or you don;t want me to? Do you know if you are going to be on any book signings in IL soon? Thank You

I got an email today from an agent who is having trouble selling his client’s crime thriller screenplay. Every development exec he submits the script to says they aren’t interested in the project unless there is “some talent attached.” The agent wanted to know “if you have any suggestions how to get around this” and also if I was interested in reading the script… and if I wasn’t, if I knew of any producers who were looking for great new material.

I was astounded. What kind of agent needs to ask another screenwriter the best way to get his client’s material to buyers? Here’s the advice I gave him:

By “talent,” they usually mean an actor, director, or major producer. But it’s just an excuse. No offense intented, but what they are really saying is they think the script is terrible, or it sounds terrible, or they aren’t interested in your client at all. The only way I know of to get around this is to have a kick-ass idea, a great script, a powerful agent, or as the development people have told you, a big name involved with the project. The bottom line is, whoever you’re talking to simply isn’t interested in what you have to sell. Russell Crowe would have to walk in the door with the script under his arm for them to give a damn.

What I didn’t say was if this agent was any good at his job, he’d have relationships with the right development people. He’d know what they were looking for and who the right people would be to send the script to. The development people would respect the agent, know the kind of writers the agent represented, and would decide whether or not to read the script based on that. The email I received tells me this is an agent who doesn’t have relationships, doesn’t have much experience, and shouldn’t be trying to sell anybody’s screenplay. But if that didn’t tell me, his next two questions did.

Are you interested in “a terrific feature screenplay?”

Only the ones that I write. I’m in the same position as your client. I don’t buy scripts, I try to sell my own! So that kind of answers your next question, too…

Maybe if you are not looking but know someone who is you can point us in that direction?

If I knew such a person, I would be sending them my script!

I wouldn’t want this guy representing me. The screenwriter would almost be better off with no agent at all, sending his script out on his own…

What do you think?

I am not a documentary film producer, nor am I in the documentary film business. And yet, I still get emails like this:

I am an amatuer film producer. I have a great idea for a on going documentary series, I would love to run the idea (in its in infancy) to somone…i can make it happen. The basic is coverage on nj’s new problem with young youth, gangs, ets. I am a youth worker at the Juvenile Justice Commision. There is sooooo much opurtunity for a great 3 part series. It would be based on a youth worker/ Convicte juveniles lives and tribulations inside these programs that are rehabilitional services there are so many secret occurences that would wow an audience. Its NJ’s dirty secret. It could even strech over a 5 year span, mabey once every 6 months. I’m talking real footage and a study of the mental idealology of these youths. Thugs that cant even think for themselves and the problems of the JJC. amazing stuff. I have it all in my mind on how to make it work. killer-drug dealing robbing thugs in real life, but boys in here. Its amazing. they dont have the capability to make the most basic decisions. Please call me and here me out. It would be memorable. I true look into NJ’s dirty little secret of what the future of America is looking at. Music impact…..movie impact.. endless interestin insight into the mind and actions of these children. I cant begin to explain. i could get interviews live footage.. travel to there homes.. interview families. Its about a new wave of mental disorder that is dumbfounding.

Don’t people stop to think before they said me stuff like this? Just because I am an episodic TV writer/producer, that doesn’t mean I want to hear everybody’s ideas for reality shows, movies, and books…

I thought if I started posting this stuff on my blog, people would stop sending it to me for fear of embarrassment. I guess I was wrong.

The networks are run by space aliens….and this man is ready to expose it:

My TV Program Flattened the WTC, Oh, the power of the media or did I piss of the aliens?

I am a celebrity publisher and former NASA scientist that has been censored and exiled. I would like to produce and star in an investigative tv series that is a combination of “Geraldo” meets “The X-Files”.

If you want to get involved in this series and you are not afraid of the alien race then contact me.

Sincerely Yours,

Wayne E. Manzo,
Publisher, Human Rights Leader, Scientist
wmanzo@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/movies_alien/
http://wmovie.tripod.com/
http://www.geocities.com/tv_access/
http://www.geocities.com/mansuedotcom/

So, if Space Aliens are running network television, why didn’t Gary Coleman ever get another TV series?

I get a half-a-dozen emails like this a week (the typos are his own):

Good day Sir.,

I don’t know if this is the right medium for this, but I am trying to submit a Television series idea to see a posibility of it being shot.

The series story is one which has affected millions around the world, and millions alone in the United states, and I want to use a TV medium to sort of educate the people. It might even help curb the crime which is presently rampant.

Enclosed as a word document is the synopsies of the intended series. I know the story behind it all and I believe it will be very interesting.

Thanks for your time and would be honored if it’s giving a due consideration.

Tony A

This is how I replied.. and how I usually reply to such requests:

No offense, but I’ve deleted your document without reading it. For legal and personal reasons, I don’t read TV series pitches. I am not in the business of selling other people’s ideas… I’m in the business of selling my own!

I am not a reviewer. I am not a chiropractor. And yet I get mail like this…The typos, by the way, are his own.

Subject: Book pn chiropractic
Date: 9/17/2004 4:16:24 PM Pacific Daylight Time

From: DrChot@aol.com

I would appeciate a review of my book 2nd edition ,See www,drchot.com Will be happy to send a copy or two. THe book addresses what is a national fraud expending huge sums of money on unscientific care best spent on prescription drugs and medical research Thank you L.A.Chotkowski MD FACP New EnGland Books.

Why do I get this stuff???