My Blog

The Self-Deluded

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An author  is auctioning off the film-rights to his PublishAmerica novel LAS CRUCES on Ebay for a minimum bid of $1.3 million…and has issued a press release touting the non-event. Keep in mind, the book hasn’t sold for the amount, or anything close to it. It’s what he’s dreaming of getting.  But you wouldn’t know that from his press release.

The book’s author seemed astonished at how fast things were
moving for [his novel] LAS CRUCES.  "I’m genuinely surprised, and of course elated at the
strong response to this book since it debuted this summer," said J.T. Fisher,
"there are so many great books being published all the time, it’s almost
unbelievable there’s an opportunity to see Las Cruces go to the film market so
soon.  When I initially heard about it – and the shock wore off – I jumped at
it!"

He’s shocked? Does he have a split personality that forgot to inform his other personalities that he’d put his book up on Ebay? And what’s so "unbelievable" about the opportunity? Anybody with an Internet connection can auction something off on Ebay. I could auction my dirty underwear and set a minimum bid of $1.3 million. It doesn’t mean anybody but me thinks my leather speedo is worth that much. It doesn’t legitimize my underwear…or, in J.T.’s case, his novel.  But J.T.  is clearly heavy into self-delusion. Regard this snippet from his press release:

Effective October 1, 2005, worldwide film and video rights will be offered in a
record setting auction on Ebay for Las Cruces, the top debut novel of 2005. 

The "top debut novel" according to who, exactly? The author? The author’s mom? PublishAmerica? And people wonder why vanity press books and their authors don’t get any respect…

(Thanks to Chris Well for the heads-up)

GUNSMOKE on DVD

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Gunsmoke_50thann_v1TVShowsOnDVD.Com reports that in early January Paramount will release twoGunsmoke_50thann_v2 DVD boxed sets of classic GUNSMOKE episodes. If you’ve been a reader of this blog, you know I’m a sucker for this show. The sets are packed with extras, including commentaries (by James Arness), bloopers, behind-the-scenes footage, talk show appearances and much more.

Dumbest Promo Tease of the Season

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The NBC promo department must have run out of things to say to draw viewers to new episodes of their shows. What other explanation can there be to explain this promotional tease for next week’s episode of SURFACE?

"The premiere was only the beginning."

Then again, I suppose it’s a bold promotional strategy, considering that for most new shows lately on NBC the premiere has also been the end.

The Horror of Being a Smurf

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The AV Club visited Fanfiction.net on a mission to probe the "outer limits" of fan fiction and found, among the REBA and SCHINDLERS LIST fic, stories about THE SMURFS.

SmurfSample: Not so "Raven Child2," whose sprawling trilogy ("The Smurfette
Village!", "Return to the Smurfette Village," and the still-in-progress "How
Things Smurf") follows Hefty Smurf on an epic journey that spans several
centuries. Separated from the other Smurfs after a devastating flood, Hefty
happens on a village that reverses the male-to-female ratio of the patriarchal
Smurf Village. Can he find true love with his female analog, Toughette? Will he
ever be reunited with his Smurf friends? Can they adjust to modern times when
they’re whisked into the 21st century?

Representative quote: "Many of the smurfs didn’t even try to block
away their tears when Papa Smurf reminded them of the horrors they
witnessed."

Sexual tension: Moderate. Smurfs can only be so sexy, but there is a
distinct sensuality to Raven Child2’s descriptions of Toughette.

Critical response: Mixed. While most reviewers offer vague words of
encouragement ("Keep smurfin’!"), "Jinglette," author of "Harry Potter And The
Search For Michael Jackson," isn’t so kind: "You have no life… Writing about
Smurfs… GO EAT A MUFFIN OR SOMETHING!" Ouch. And is it constructive criticism
or passive aggression when fellow Smurfs fanfic writer "Rowhena Zahnrei" points
out, "Proper tense use is vital if you want readers to be able to follow your
story easily"?

(Thanks to Bookslut for the heads-up)

What You Think About When You Win an Emmy

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My friend Javier won an Emmy the other night for LOST. This was what was going through his head as he stepped up on stage in front of twenty million people:

i wouldn’t be here if upn hadn’t cancelled “jake 2.0” in the middle of
its run! thank you tyra banks for doing twice our first run number on a
rerun of “america’s next top model” how is my wife going to find me
after this? I AM HERE FOR THE GLORY OF QU’ONOS! do i get my own trophy?
god, i love monkeys. the castaways should find a monkey and train it to
be their butler. wolverine! SNCKT! monkey butler. chips would be nice.
never be ru-uude to an arab! hey – that’s jj abrams! volare! whoa-oh!
cantare! i remember a small band of three men i saw while vacationing
in the island of bequia, they sang badly and their instruments were out
of tune – but they had HEART! shatner was just here! shatner. the
captain. hmmm. some dip would be nice with those chips. hey guinan?
where’s the rest of the el-aurian refugees? I AM HE AND YOU ARE HE AND
HE IS WE AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER!

This was what was going through my mind as I watched him:  Who knew that writing dialogue for a dolphin was a step towards greatness?

You might wonder why I thought that.

It’s because two of my TV writer friends — who also happen to be two of the nicest and most talented men you will ever meet — have won Emmys and the well-deserved respect of their peers despite having worked with me on shows starring dolphins.  I like to think that means there’s an Emmy in my future, too…

Major Upset at the WGA

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I received an email press release from the WGA, portions of which I’ve excerpted below:

Patric M. Verrone, David N. Weiss, Elias Davis, and their slate of
eight Writers United board candidates have been decisively swept into the
leadership of the Writers Guild of America, west (WGAw).  In one of the highest
turnouts ever for the Guild, Verrone was elected President with a resounding 68%
of the vote, and the rest of his slate followed suit, winning their seats by
roughly a two-to-one margin.  The lowest vote recipient from the Writers United
slate beat out the next highest vote recipient by over five hundred votes.

Stated Verrone: "Our slate clearly selected a campaign platform — organizing
the creative community to better bargain with media companies — that resonated
with writers.  This is one of the few times in Hollywood history that the
leadership of a creative union has entered office with such a decisive
mandate."

Mr. Weiss will serve as Vice President and Mr. Davis as Secretary-Treasurer. 
Their running mates, Scott Frank, Robert King, Peter Lefcourt, Joan Meyerson,
Phil Alden Robinson, Howard A. Rodman, Tom Schulman, and Dan Wilcox, will join
them on the board and provide a working majority that will enable them to
implement their ambitious agenda.

NUMERICAL RESULTS: President: Patric M. Verrone (1301, 68.8%), Vice President:
David N. Weiss (1256, 65.5%), Secretary-Treasurer: Elias Davis (1227, 65.7%). 
Board of Directors:  Phil Alden Robinson (1425), Scott Frank (1355), Tom
Schulman (1305), Peter Lefcourt (1303), Joan Meyerson (1283), Howard A. Rodman
(1243), Robert King (1163), Dan Wilcox (1157).  The one-year term board seat of
newly-elected Vice President David N. Weiss will be filled by Melissa Rosenberg
(646).  The Officers and Board members will serve for a term of two years,
effective immediately.

Other results: Candidates for officers: President:
Ted Elliott (591), Vice President: Carl Gottlieb (661), Secretary-Treasurer:
Irma Kalish (642). Candidates for members of the Board of Directors: Tim
O’Donnell (576), Don M. Mankiewicz (552), Dan McDermott (510), Steve Chivers
(478), Doug Eboch (408), Mike Langworthy (379), Eric Heisserer (348), David S.
Weiss (212). 

It’s an astonishing upset, unlike anything I’ve seen in my twenty years as a WGA member. I think the message being sent is clear and shows the depth of the discontent within the membership with the way the Guild has been run in recent years (For the record, I voted for Verrone for President and Weiss for VP, but my board votes ended up being evenly divided between the two "slates").

Authors Guild Sues Google, Citing “Massive Copyright Infringement”

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Today I received this email press release from the Authors Guild regarding Google’s outrageous violation of copyright law.

The Authors Guild and a Lincoln
biographer, a children’s book author, and a former Poet Laureate of the United
States filed a class action suit today in federal court in Manhattan against
Google over its unauthorized scanning and copying of books through its Google
Library program.  The suit alleges that the $90 billion search engine and
advertising juggernaut is engaging in massive copyright infringement at the
expense of the rights of individual writers.

Through its Library program,
Google is reproducing works still under the protection of copyright as well as
public domain works from the collection of the University of Michigan’s
library. 

"This is a plain and brazen violation of copyright law," said
Authors Guild president Nick Taylor.  "It’s not up to Google or anyone other
than the authors, the rightful owners of these copyrights, to decide whether and
how their works will be copied."

The individual plaintiffs are Herbert
Mitgang, a former New York Times editorial writer and the author of numerous
fiction and nonfiction books, including "The Fiery Trial: A Life of Lincoln,"
published by Viking Press; Betty Miles, the award-winning author of many works
for children and young adults, and the co-author of "Just Think," published by
Alfred A. Knopf; and Daniel Hoffman, the author and editor of many volumes of
poetry, translation, and literary criticism, including "Barbarous Knowledge:
Myth in the Poetry of Yeats, Graves and Muir" and "Striking the Stones," both
published by Oxford University Press.  Mr. Hoffman was the 1973-74 Poet Laureate
of the United States.

Google has agreements with four academic libraries
— those of Stanford, Harvard, Oxford and the University of Michigan — and with
the New York Public Library to create digital copies of substantial parts of
their collections and to make those collections available for searching online. 
Google has not sought the approval of the authors of these works for this
program.

The complaint seeks damages and an injunction to halt further
infringements.

Hinckley Wants Some Action

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The LA Times reports that John Hinckley would like to get laid.

Asst. U.S. Atty. Thomas Zeno said Hinckley "wants to have intimate contact. His
parents want him to date, his father wants him to get married."

Hinckley’s desires, along with his thwarted efforts to woo women, were revealed
during a federal court hearing into his bid for visits to his parents’ Virginia
home, a three-hour drive from the Washington hospital where he has spent more
than two decades since shooting Reagan and four other people. Hinckley was found
not guilty by reason of insanity in 1982.

I see the makings of a WB reality show in this, don’t you?  Imagine what his feeble efforts to "woo women" must be like.

"Hey babe, I shot the President and live in an insane asylum. Would you like to blow me?"

or

"You’re a dead ringer for Jodie Foster. Has anyone ever told you that?"

or

"Want to come to back to my place and see my straight jacket?"

I’m going to call my agent and start setting up some pitch meetings.