I got an email today from someone asking for advice on pitching a pilot…and she implied that Paul Guyot recommended that she talk to me. Well, I’m always glad to do my friends a favor. But the thing is, my buddy Paul has never heard of her. Didn’t she think I’d check with him? Some people are morons.
My Blog
Two and out
HEAD CASES was cancelled by Fox after only two episodes, but it’s hardly the first series cancelled so abruptly. It joins an infamous list, compiled by TrivialTV, that includes such forgotten failures as BIG SHAMUS LITTLE SHAMUS, CHARLIE LAWRENCE, FOUR CORNERS, THE PAULA POUNDSTONE SHOW, PRINCE STREET, SLEEPWALKERS, THE MIKE O’MALLEY SHOW, and RYAN CAULFIELD: YEAR ONE.
What’s it Worth to You to See Me Put on Deordorant?
Despite it being "an overwhelmingly positive experience," The Waking Vixen is giving up her job as a sex worker:
"Of course, it remains to be seen whether I can maintain “retirement” or whatever
– it’s probably not going to be a clean break. In many ways, sex work is pretty
addictive – the hours, the piles of cash money, the control over my body and
those of others. It’s really difficult to see my days in terms of hour-long
sessions, and to constantly think – hmm, could I get paid for what I’m doing
right now? From peeing to eating to squeezing my nipples, I’m always wondering
about how much that’s worth."
Yeah, me too. Especially when I’m staring at the blank screen, twisting my nipples, trying to figure out what to write next. Deep down, I think she’s really a writer. I mean, who among us scribes hasn’t had this thought before:
"it’s hard to turn away from it, to think about the eventuality of having to work
with clothes on."
Another Show Nobody Wants to See Coming to DVD
MGM is releasing the flop series version of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN on DVD. I think they release shit like this just to make me crazy wondering why shows I worked on like SEAQUEST, MARTIAL LAW, and SPENSER FOR HIRE remain in the vaults (are they any worse than THAT’S MY MAMA, RENEGADE, AIRWOLF or BEASTMASTER? I know what it is…it’s me. I’m the reason why they aren’t being released).
Um, that was my brother Tod
Jennifer Love Hewitt says she’s been haunted by a ghost who likes to appear in her shower and ogle her breasts.
But her most terrifying experience came when she was showering and turned to
see a ghostly male figure leering at her naked body. She revealed: "The ghost had a crush on me and liked to see me showering."
There’s a new Devil in Miss Jones
Fleshbot reports that Vivid Video’s THE NEW DEVIL IN MISS JONES, starring adult superstar Jenna Jameson, is already the best-selling adult film of all time…on pre-sales alone. But the real question is, how does it compare to EMMANUELLE VS. DRACULA?
Tod’s “Keen Voice and Profound Insight”
My brother Tod got a rave review in today’s LA TIMES.
"I am in The Contraption. My eyes, which the doctor has dilated, are pinned
open.""I’m in a sex shop in San Francisco watching my father buy a
leather jumpsuit for his gay lover.""I was fourteen when I saw the Loch
Ness monster.""My picture of Elvis is bleeding."
"Ira looked
out over the field of combatants, all fifteen hundred of them, and wondered
when, exactly, he’d lost his mind."It’s generally agreed that the
writers’ code of etiquette stipulates time shares in hell for blabby book
reviewers who give away endings. But one trusts that succumbing to the urge to
quote first sentences is at worst a venial offense. In the case of Tod
Goldberg’s new story collection, "Simplify," these lines serve not only to show
how a seductive pull can radiate from a handful of words, they also stand as
markers for certain traits shared among the 12 stories in the novelist’s first
collection: They are almost all told in the first person, the
narrator-protagonist is a boy or young(ish) man, and there is an omnipresence of
bizarre apparitions, as well as uninvited drop-ins from beyond reality.
Staying Sharp
Here are some photos from my day of whirlwind signings with the irrepressible, and potentially lethal, Zoe Sharp. 
The first is from the Mystery Bookstore in Westwood CA, the second is Zoe and I with Jane and Heidi, two of the hot Lit-babes who own Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks, CA. You can order signed copies of our books from either of these fine establishments while supplies last. (Click on the photos for larger images)
The Face of E-vil
The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy novels tackle some E-book covers…and the results are laugh-out-loud funny. Here’s a sample, referring to the book cover on the left:
Beavis: Whoa!
Butthead: WHOA!
Beavis: She’s like, naked! With armbands!
Butthead:Huh huh. Yeah.
Beavis: And she’s gonna get stabbed by that CHURCH! YEAH!
Butthead: Huh huh.That’s cool.
Beavis: Stab her! Stab her in the BUTT!
Butthead: Huh huh huh huh. Tell her to move her hand first so we can see her boobs.
Beavis: Yeah! BOOBS
Butthead: Yeah. Huh huh.
Me, I’m curious about the author’s name. "Kit Tunstall?" What kind of name is that? It sounds like a particularly unpleasant procedure involving the colon.
The Budget THRESHOLD
I couldn’t help but notice the significant production differences between the THRESHOLD pilot and their first, regular episode.
The pilot was filled with special effects, action, and multiple interior and exterior locations. The first regular episode was considerably downsized. There were only two real locations — the "standing sets" (the sets/locations used every week) and a military academy (USC? UCLA?). Of the six member cast, four were stuck on the standing sets delivering exposition while two others were on location doing most of the "action," which was limited to running up and down hallways (one cast member otherwise relegated to standing sets was seen in a restroom that was supposedly at a fast-food place. The restroom was clearly a swingset built on the soundstage or a practical location found at the military acadamy which, I suspect, was also where they dressed as space to be the fast food place).
There were no special effects and virtually no exteriors, save a couple of walk-and-talks and one scene in a parked car, which was shot so tight, with so many other parked cars in view, that I suspect it was shot outside the soundstage.
I enjoyed the episode, but it was a lesson in the budgetary restraints that always come into play once the pilot, full of bells-and-whistles, is sold as a series. I’m sure there will be some effects-heavy/location-heavy episodes down the road (particularly during "Sweeps"), but to pay for them/amortize them, more often than not each week you will see a clear balance between "standing set" scenes with the bulk of the cast members and one or possibly two other locations with the rest of the regulars.
I don’t think the average viewer registers the differences but, as a producer/showrunner, I always find it fascinating and instructive. Why do you think the castaways on LOST moved from the beach into a cave? To give them a standing, interior set. Usually, just by watching a handful of episodes, I can get a pretty good sense of how many days they shoot, they budgeted ratio of days on stage/on location, the number of locations they can afford, and what their casting budget is like (in terms of number of guest cast in speaking roles as opposed to how much they have to spend on individual name actors). Watching television is often the best way to learn about television.