My Blog

Why Waste Time Plotting…

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…when there is Plot-0-Matic? I’ve seen dozens of movies that must have been written with this. Here’s the plot the software generated for me.

Broken
Badges by Lee
Goldberg Action: A renegade cop teams up with the
straightest cop on four continents to investigate dirty cops on the take. In the
process they rescue Parker Posey. By the end of the movie they hijack 5 planes
and end up winning the admiration of their department, living happily ever
after. Think Die Hard meets Goldfinger.

I’m going to start pitching it on Monday.  (Thanks to my Uncle Burl for the heads-up)

 

If I Call My House a ‘Residential Erotic Writing Workshop’ Can I Write Off My Mortgage Payments?

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I got this spam email over the weekend:

Critically acclaimed author and anthologist Mitzi Szereto will be conducting a residential erotic writing workshop at
the world-renown Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California in January 2006. Mitzi
is credited with putting the erotic writing workshop on the map in the UK and
Europe, and has conducted them in locations from England’s Lake District to the
Greek islands.

I like to think of my house as a residential erotic writing workshop but my wife doesn’t always agree.

If This Is An Example of How He Writes Press Releases, I think I’ll Pass

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I got this spam email today from a PR firm. Here’s how it began:

Dear Mr. Golgberg:

I would like to make you aware of my public relations company as I
feel I could be a perfect fit for helping you promote and publicize your company
as well as your books.  My clients have been featured in publications numbering
Parade Magazine, People, Entertainment Weekly, Time, Forbes, Wall Street
Journal, Newsweek, and USA Today; as well as television shows such as Oprah,
Good Morning America, C-SPAN, CNN, CNBC, etc.

A real grabber, isn’t it? Now imagine what he writes for his clients.  (That’s aside from how he  messed up my name and offered to publicize a company that I don’t have).

This and That

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I’ve been busy with odds and ends the last couple of days — going to the doctor, attending HOA meetings, doing booksignings, working on content for the IAMTW website, and plotting the next DIAGNOSIS MURDER novel, which I should already be writing.

Today, my brother Tod and I were guests at Pinky’s Paperhaus, where we talked about our new books SIMPLIFY and THE MAN WITH IRON-ON BADGE and played some music that influenced our writing, all for a podcast that will go live in October. We also teamed up for a clumsy duet of  "The Ballad of Irving" (from  the 60s comedy album "When You’re in Love, the Whole World is Jewish.")  Until you can hear our immortal rendition, here are the lyrics:

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Search Me II

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Here are some of the searches that brought people to this blog today…

NippledroppearlsNinya Perna Sex (Who is "Ninya Perna?")
Jeri Ryan Encino  (Is someone trying to find out where she lives?)
Jenna Lewis Sex Tapes (Jenna who? People still remember her?)
Celebrity Nipples  (Would Jenna’s nipples qualify as celebrities?)
Hunter + McCall Slash Fanfic
Brothers Grimm Slash Fanfiction
Pernell Roberts (Odd..no one is asking about his plastic surgery, his nipples, or looking for slash fiction with him and Little Joe)
Lara Flynn Boyle Plastic Surgery (Nipple implants, no doubt)
White Wash + Ian Ludlow (this one aroused my curiosity)
Orlando Bloom + Mpreg
Reunion+ reality+sucks + Fox
Chicken Pot Pie
Worst Novel Opening Lines
William Shatner Plastic Surgery Hoax
Karina Lombard Nipples (what is it with this nipple obsession on the web?)
Lindsay Lohan Nipples (I knew that would get me hits!)