Rerun: 25 Random Things About Me

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(From January 2009) 

I've lost count of how many people have tagged me for this "25 Random Facts About Me" meme. So here goes:

Chevy_chevette_red_1979 1. When I was a pre-schooler in Oakland CA, I ran away from home, showed up at the door of the Mormon temple, and asked if Shirley could come out to play.

2. I'm a Lee Hazlewood fan.

3. I had a girlfriend who was an editorial assistant at Playgirl. I honed my skills writing sex scenes by writing fake "Letters to the Editor" for $25 each. 

4. My favorite BBQ place is It's In the Sauce in Ventura, Ca. 

5. When I'm sick, I like to lie in bed and watch old episodes of "Gunsmoke."

6. I wrote my first novel when I was ten. It was about a superspy from the future who was born in an underwater sperm bank. I don't know why it was underwater, or how you made deposits, but I thought it was pretty cool.

7. I love Nacho Cheese Doritos.

8. My favorite James Bond movie is "Goldfinger." 

9. I've broken all but one limb…so far.

10. When I was five or six, I used to tell people my name was "Lee Beaudine." I don't know why. Lee_hazlewood

11. When I was a kid, I once threatened to send my little sister Karen to prison for picking apart my Nerf ball. She was so terrified that she gave me all the money in her piggy bank to buy her freedom. I still feel guilty about that. 

12. My middle name is Brian. 

13. The ugliest city I have ever been to is El Paso, TX. 

14. Until I was about 25, I spent two weeks every summer at Loon Lake, Washington. 

15. I love the theme to "It Takes a Thief" but I can't hum it. 

16. I had a crush on Linda Carter when I was a kid. She was my Wonder Woman. 

17. I think Harry Whittington is one of the great, unappreciated authors of noir. 

18. When I was a kid, I used to collect Wacky Packs. I thought the cards were hilarious. 

19. One of my all-time favorite books is "Lonesome Dove" by Larry McMurtry. 

20. I've seen Roger Moore naked. 

21. I like to read Motor Trend and the National Inquirer on airplanes. This embarrasses my wife. 

22. I can't spell marriage, similar, or envelope. 

23. I wrote two episodes of "The New Adventures of Flipper." 

24. I once flagged down a cop on Jefferson Blvd. to alert him that a homeless man was "playing a twisted game of Russian roulette" by running into traffic. The cop actually asked me to repeat that without imitating the ABC announcer's voice. 

25. I owned a Chevy Chevette.

Tsunami of Swill Makes News

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The Los Angeles Times reports today about something I've been talking about for months…the tsunami of self-published swill washing over Amazon. The article refers to bad self-published books, but mostly discusses rip-offs of other people's work and books cobbled together from public domain sources.

Spam has hit the Kindle, clogging Amazon.com Inc.'s top-selling e-reader with material that is far from being book-worthy and threatening to undermine the company's entry into publishing.

Thousands of digital books, called e-books, are being published through Amazon's self-publishing system each month. Many are not written in the traditional sense.

[…]These e-books are listed for sale — often at 99 cents — alongside more traditional books on Amazon's website, forcing readers to plow through many more titles to find what they want. Aspiring spammers can even buy a DVD box set called Autopilot Kindle Cash that claims to teach people how to publish 10 to 20 new Kindle books a day without writing a word.

This new phenomenon represents the dark side of an online revolution that's turning the traditional publishing industry on its head by giving authors new ways to access readers directly.

[…]In 2010, almost 2.8 million nontraditional books, including e-books, were published in the United States, while just more than 316,000 traditional books came out. That compares with 1.33 million nontraditional books and 302,000 conventional books in 2009, said Albert Greco, a publishing industry expert at Fordham University's business school. In 2002, fewer than 33,000 nontraditional books were published, whereas more than 215,000 traditional books came out in the United States, Greco noted.

"This is a staggering increase. It's mind-boggling," Greco said. "On the positive side, this is helping an awful lot of people who wrote books and could not get them published in the traditional way through agents."

But Greco listed downsides. One problem is that authors must compete for readers with a lot more books — many of which "probably never should have seen the light of day," he said.

The Mail I Get

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Technically, this one didn't come to me, but was about me, so I think it counts. It's mail that my brother Tod got from a fan of mine:

Hey Todd, I am running a contest on my facebook page for a shopping deal I made at the store today! ( I bought a gallon of milk, hemorrhoid wipes and candy, it cost 29 cents) Anyways, would you like to be the judge? I was thinking the prize would be a Mr. Monk book by your brother, I will buy it at the local book store. I think it might be fun to see what creative responses we get. Also, you don't think that your brother Lee would be mad it I gave a Mr. Monk book as a prize do you?

To which Tod politely responded:

Uhm…I'm flattered (I think?) that you'd want me to judge this, but I just don't have the time, I'm afraid. As for the prize…well…I'm inclined to believe that no writer would really want his book being the prize for a bargain spree of candy and cheap hemorrhoid cream, so I'm going to go ahead and say use your best judgment on that one.

Shaken for Japan

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SHAKEN_FINAL_No_credit Naomi Hirahara, Brett Battles, Wendy Hornsby, Cara Black and Timothy Hallinan are just a few of the amazing authors who've contributed stories to SHAKEN: STORIES OF JAPAN, an ebook anthology that benefits the  Japan America Society of Southern California's Japan relief fund. You won't find an easier or more enjoyable way to contribute money to a great cause.

The Funny Side of Thomas Perry

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Big-Fish-Cover-1-Small If you're a regular reader of this blog, then you know I'm a huge Thomas Perry fan. We did a panel together at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books and I used the opportunity to urged him to bring back his two hilarious, out-0f-print classics, BIG FISH and ISLAND, as ebooks. I'm thrilled to say that he cracked under my relentless nagging…both books are now available!  Here's the story on BIG FISH:

First published in 1985 and long out-of-print, Big Fish, one of Thomas Perry's most sought-after titles, is now available to readers in an e-book format. Powerfully-plotted and funny, Big Fish follows dangerous and mysterious Los Angeles entrepreneur Altmeyer, and his wife Rachel whose quiet lives in the Hollywood hills are disrupted when a multi-million dollar gunrunning deal goes bad. 

Under most circumstances, Altmeyer might be mildly amused by the audacity of the double-cross. But whoever cheated Altmeyer may also be planning to destroy the world. With so much at stake, Altmeyer and Rachel and their friend, super-agent to the stars Bucky Carmichael, set off on a perilous adventure in search of the identity of the Big Fish. What they find is shocking and horrifying and all too credible.

And here's the story on his classic ISLAND: Island-Cover-1-Small

Island, first published in 1987 and long out-of-print, one of Thomas Perry’s most sought-after titles, is now available to readers in e-book format. The riveting and entertaining thriller follows a husband-and-wife con team on the run from the Mob, a soldier of fortune between jobs, a two-bit operator with grandiose dreams of tribal dynasty, a sultry CIA operative with divided loyalties, and the most dazzling defector ever to hurl a split-fingered fastball––twentieth-century buccaneers who wash up on a tiny island in the Caribbean and turn it into a multinational cash machine—but then the shooting starts.

Somebody is trying to invade the island, and that somebody could be anybody: the CIA, NSC or IRS; the most powerful, corrupt bank in the U.S. or the South American cocaine mafia—or it could just be the Los Angeles incarnation of the devil himself, a shadowy figure with a checkered past named Fat Jimmy… 

If you are Thomas Perry fan, these classics are a must-buy…revealing a lighter side only hinted at in his string of thrillers. And if you've never read Perry before, these are a great place to start.

Take the Money and Run

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L_a27c32717aa07da12a34161d16601927 Back when I was a teenager writing my .357 VIGILANTE books as "Ian Ludlow," my publisher thought it would be nice if I met some of their other writers who lived in my area. One of'em was "Pike Bishop,"  who was writing the DIAMONDBACK westerns.

So they set us up on a lunch.

I was expecting a leather-skinned, laconic cowboy with a boots and a Stetson…and he was expecting a hardened, streetwise tough guy.

Imagine my surprise when "Pike Bishop" turned out to be uniformed cop Paul Bishop...and imagine his surprise when "Ian Ludlow" turned to be, well, me…who was then a very geeky teenager.

But that lunch started a friendship that has endured for nearly thirty years (OH MY GOD, thirty years!?). In that time, Paul has become a highly decorated LAPD detective (twice named homicide detective of the year), nationally acknowledged interrogation expert, an acclaimed crime novelist (CITADEL RUN, TWICE DEAD, etc), and a TV writer (among his credits, three DIAGNOSIS MURDER scripts that he wrote for Bill Rabkin & me).

Now Paul can add another accomplishment to his list: TV STAR.

He's the star of ABC's new summer reality/game TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN, from hitmakers Jerry Bruckheimer & Bertram van Munster, the team behind THE AMAZING RACE. Here's the description from the press release:

"Combining all the elements of an edge-of-your-seat spy thriller with the excitement of rooting for real people in different locales trying to outwit legitimate professionals, "Take the Money and Run" is an exhilarating competition series that will take reality television to a whole new level. The cat and mouse format will pit everyday people against real life law enforcement for a $100,000 prize."

The series premieres on August 2nd…and I, for one, can't wait.

The Age-old Reading Fee Scheme – Updated With Correction

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I just received a solicitation from Creative Nonfiction Magazine, which is looking for true-crime articles for an upcoming issue. The catch is that they require authors to pay a $20 reading fee or to buy a subscription for $25.  In return, they will award the best submission $1000. So Creative Nonfiction Magazine is, essentially, not so much a magazine seeking submissions…as it is a thinly disguised writing contest with a $20-25 entry fee.

If this was a  reputable magazine, and not a facade for a contest, money would flow from the publisher to the writer, not the other way around.  This is a scheme by a company that apparently makes its money from writers…as opposed a real publisher, who commissions work from writers and then makes its money selling the final product.  Avoid them.

UPDATE:  6-16-2011 I received the following note from the magazine:

You should've checked us out quickly online before making that erroneous judgment.

To which I replied:

I see nothing "erroneous" about it. I did check you out online. You should be ashamed of yourselves for charging a "reading fee" and/or a subscription fee to submit articles for consideration. Are you charging Ruth Reichl, Sarah Wexler, John Edge, and Phillip Lopate a reading fee? I doubt it. You must be in pretty desperate shape to be trying to make a quick buck off of writers.

To which they responded:

Anyone is welcome to submit to general submission for free. Contest entries require a reading fee, which is used to pay the prize money for the winning essay, as well as any readers and judges we have to hire to read the submissions. We sometimes have to hire readers because we have a small staff who are taken up with reading general submissions and essays for other categories. This is standard practice for literary magazines.

So I looked into it some more.  And they are right, it is standard for literary magazines to run contests that charge a reading fee. I owe them an apology on that score.

However, no where in their solicitation to me, or on their home page, do they acknowledge this is a contest. Here's the original email I received from Creative Nonfiction magazine in its entirety:

Dear Lee,

For an upcoming issue, Creative Nonfiction is seeking new essays about true crimes—detailed reports of premeditation, follow-through and aftermath, whether gleaned from police blotters or the news, passed down as small-town legend or family lore, or committed in cold blood.

We’re interested in a variety of viewpoints and are hoping you will help us reach your audience—or will consider submitting.

We want true stories of petty theft, identity theft, embezzlement or first-degree murder; of jaywalking, selling (or maybe buying) weed or assault; of crimes and punishments and unsolved mysteries. Think "The Devil in the White City" (Larson), "In Cold Blood" (Capote) and "Iphigenia in Forest Hills" (Malcolm); or "Half a Life" (Strauss), "Lucky" (Sebold) and "The Night of the Gun" (Carr). If it’s against the law and someone—maybe even you!—did it anyway, we want to know all about it.

We’re looking for well-written prose, rich with detail and a distinctive voice. Essays can be serious, humorous or somewhere in between. Creative Nonfiction editors will award $1000 for Best Essay.

Submission guidelines: essays must be unpublished, 4,000 words maximum, postmarked by September 30, 2011, and clearly marked “True Crime” on both the essay and the outside of the envelope. There is a $20 reading fee (or send a reading fee of $25 to include a 4-issue CNF subscription–U.S. submitters only); multiple entries are welcome ($20/essay) as are entries from outside the U.S. (though due to shipping costs, the subscription deal is not valid).

Please send manuscript, accompanied by a cover letter with complete contact information including the title of the essay, word count, SASE and payment to: Creative Nonfiction Attn: True Crime 5501 Walnut Street, Suite 202 Pittsburgh, PA 15232

For more information, please visit www.creativenonfiction.org.

Thank you for your time. We appreciate any help you can provide in sharing this announcement.

All the Best,

Becky Bosshart

Editorial assistant, CNF

You'll note that they say "for an upcoming issue," not for a contest. And here is what they say on the home page of their website about the issue:

UPCOMING CALLS FOR SUBMISSIONS: We're always reading general submissions and queries for non-essay sections of the magazine. We'd love to see what you're working on! We're currently looking especially for Pushing the Boundaries essays—experimental work that tests the limits of the genre. (Postmark deadline: June 13). Just announced: True Crime!

You'll note that so far the word "contest" has not appeared anywhere. But if you click the link to True Crime, here's what you get:

CONTEST: TRUE CRIME

postmark deadline: September 30, 2011

For an upcoming issue, Creative Nonfiction is seeking new essays about true crimes—detailed reports of premeditation, follow-through and aftermath, whether gleaned from police blotters or the news, passed down as small-town legend or family lore, or committed in cold blood…

That is the only point where they finally disclose that this issue is the product of a contest that's outside of their usual publication submission requirements (where no reading fee or other fees are charged). 

The problem here is two-fold. They aren't upfront that their contest is a contest…and I didn't dig deep enough before leveling a judgment. We are both at fault on this one.

Get Branded

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Cover3med My buddy Axel Brand's latest mystery, NIGHT MEDICINE is now available on the Kindle. This is the third book in the acclaimed Joe Sonntag series…the first of which, THE HOTEL DICK, was published top wide acclaim in hardcover by Five Star some years ago (and is not yet  available in e-format).  The second Sonntag tale, THE DEAD GENIUS, comes out in hardcover from Five Star in August. Here's the skinny on NIGHT MEDICINE…

It's summer, 1948, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The body of a lovely, well-dressed young woman is discovered at the Washington Park Zoo, near the lion cages. She is lying in a bed of ferns, her arms folded over her breast, her skirts smoothed and her legs straight. Nearby a lioness prowls her cage. Clearly, someone cared about this unknown young woman, and laid her out as if she were in a funeral home. Why she was placed there, in that fashion, is a riddle that Detective Joe Sonntag and his gifted staff try to solve.His quest leads him into strange dark corners, where compassion and death intersect.