Variety reports that a whole bunch of JJ Abram’s ALIAS scribes are moving over to his show LOST, which may now have one of the largest writing staffs on episodic television. Drew Goddard, Monica Breen, and Alison Schapker have just inked two-year, seven-figure overall deals with Touchstone Television that includes working on LOST and developing new programs. Abrams is clearly loyal to, and appreciative of, the talented people he works with. I wonder if this means the Others will turn out to be members of the ALIAS cast…
Current Affairs
Graham Masterton Lives
When I was a kid, I devoured the horror novels by Graham Masterton…who is probably best known for THE MANITOU, which became a silly Tony Curtis movie about a woman in a San Francisco hospital with a reincarnated Indian medicine man growing in her back. I loved it. I always wondered what happened to Masterton… so I was thrilled when I found a Q&A with him on Ed Gorman’s site. It turns out that Masterton is still writing…and has four books coming out soon, including another sequel to THE MANITOU, his first novel.
I was writing very successful sex "how-to" books in the mid-1970s
(remember that I was executive editor of Penthouse at that time). But
the bottom fell out of the sex book market quite abruptly and Andy
Ettinger at Pinnacle decided he didn’t want to honor my latest
contract. So I sent him THE MANITOU as a substitute. He called me when
I was sunning myself in the garden and said he’d take it, so long as I
changed the ending. Which I naturally did. Wouldn’t you?
No, it wasn’t Dan Quayle
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter that he mistook for a quail. The victim was his friend Harry Whittington — not the beloved pulp writer, but a Texas attorney.
“Lori Prokop, Do You Ever Stop Coming Up With Get-Rich-Quick Schemes?”
Remember Lori Prokop, the shameless get-rich-quick huckster behind the BOOK MILLIONAIRE debacle? Well, she’s baaaack with an all-new schtick (gee, Lori, whatever happened to "Book Millionaire?") Now she’s pitching a series of seminars and books called "How to Launch from Good To Great."
I was being interviewed as an expert for a book on success. The author asked, "Lori Prokop, how do great leaders handle success?"
I replied, "Great leaders are not as devastated by failure or as elated by successes. They take both in stride knowing they will continue to experience both as they move forward. They are more excited by the insights and knowledge they master as a result of both success and failure."
Apparently, either all of Lori Prokop’s friends talk to her like the alien from STARMAN…or she’s written so much junk-mail, she can’t stop writing in the <insert-recipient-name here> format.
I recommend the words of a great mentor of mine, Ted Nicholas, when he advised me, "Lori Prokop, say these incredibly powerful words, ‘I forgive myself and others for mistakes of the past.’"
I also suggest to you what another great teacher said, "Lori Prokop, you cannot look rationally at the equation or steps which lead to any outcome until you have healed the negative or hurtful emotions attached."
The point of her newsletter is to steer you to her latest laundry-list of get-rich-quick schemes and seminars
("Podcasting for Fun and Profit!," "How I Developed My Child’s Genius
–And How You Can Do It Too!," "Develop Self-Confidence and Lose Your
Fears!" etc) A friend of mine said to me, "Lee Goldberg, how could anyone slog through Lori Prokop’s endless list of self-improvement and get-rich-quick seminars and not see right through her?" and I replied, "I have no idea."
PROfiles
Ed Gorman is kicking off a new feature on his blog called "PROfiles" — posing seven questions to different novelists. Today, he talks to Bill Crider , PJ Parrish, and IAMTW co-founder Max Allan Collins, the multi-talented author of ROAD TO PERDITION. Here’s a quote from Max:
3. What is the greatest pleasure of a writing career?
Hands down, the great pleasure is being able to pursue a passion and get paid for it. I consider myself a storyteller and, accordingly, work in many mediums. I love readiing novels and get to write them for money; I love movies and occasionally get to make them; I love comics and get to script them. My hobbies have turned into my job, and what could be a greater pleasure than hat?
Ditto.
Ken is in da house
Ken Levine has a very funny post today about HOUSE.
If you’re writing a spec episode of HOUSE, here’s the format: Vibrant
attractive Fox-friendly hottie in her 30’s suddenly collapses for no
reason. Opening credits. House says it’s nothing, send her home. She
goes into convulsions. For the next forty minutes the earnest young
doctors misdiagnosis her, send her into cardiac arrest, remove
something that doesn’t need removing, break into her house for an
illegal search, send House in to brow beat and traumatize her, and
finally he figures it out. It’s something obscure like she licks stamps
with cyanide or swims in a toxic waste dump. Five minutes later she’s
cured and goes home. Last scene – ironic music plays over as House sits
alone in his…well…house, pensive and tortured.
Cover Snark
The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels get together for another hilariously snarky overview of atrocious romance covers. Here’s one of my favorites:
"Darling, I don’t think it’s going to work between us. First, I have to
go fight those monks over there. But more importantly, you have
jaundice, you aren’t able to stand up, and one of your breasts appears
to be coming out of your shoulder. And, now you’re melting into a
puddle. Don’t you see? It’s not you. It’s me. I can’t handle your
specialness.”
It IS Brain Surgery
Last season, CBS shot the pilot 3 LBS, which starred Dylan McDermott and Reiko Aylesworth as brain surgeons. It was written by Peter Ocko, produced by Tom Fontana, and directed by Barry Levinson. Despite the A-list talent involved, the pilot wasn’t picked up to series. But CBS and Ocko haven’t given up. They are re-developing the idea for this season with a new script and a new cast. Now it will be about a brain surgeon with a neurological disorder who recruits a new partner.
Directing Is a Drag
Director Lee Tamahori ("Die Another Day," "Along Came a Spider") was arrested in Hollywood for prostitution and not simply because he’ll direct whatever dreck comes along if the paycheck is high enough. They’re saying he’s a a real whore.
According to law enforcement,
Tamahori was allegedly dressed in drag, approached an undercover
officer who was in his car, entered the vehicle and offered to perform
a sex act for money.
Defamer’s comments on the arrest were amusing.
After the assuredly harrowing experience of directing xXx: State of the Union,
even Orson Welles would rather swear off Hollywood’s dirty money, dig
out his mother’s best evening gown, and go looking for supplemental
income on Santa Monica Boulevard.
Hey, it could have been worse. Tamahori could have been arrested with Eddie Murphy or Hugh Grant in his mouth.
Mr. Monk and the Creative Process
Writer Jack Bernstein does a great job describing what it’s like breaking a story with the writing staff of MONK.
I arrived in Newark on a Sunday evening at 6 p.m., having weathered the
embarrassment of going through security with my inflatable writing
partner. I had been given the choice of staying in a hotel in Manhattan
or Summit, N.J. It was a no-brainer. Soon after checking in to my
deluxe micro-suite at the Summit Super 12, I got a phone call from Monk
Executive Producer Andy Breckman. Andy told me that
they were going to start at 11 a.m. Monday morning and was that a
problem? I told him if he wanted to start that early, I guess I could
do it…
…The creative process is difficult to describe, mostly because I don’t
really understand it. I think I’d have better luck understanding a
lecture on biomolecular kinetics from a beaver, but honestly, where
would you find a beaver that understands biomolecular kinetics? I mean,
really understands? So basically, the creative process consists of all
of us shouting out ideas for the story until Andy scratches his head
and says, "That might work" and writes it down. Your initial reaction,
of course, is to think, "Really? You actually think that would work?"
Which translates to, "Yeah, I think it would work, too."
Jack is a very funny writer. He and I worked together many years ago on a short-lived series called DEADLY GAMES. That was an odd show. The scripts were hilarious but the episodes were never as good as what was on the page thanks to bad casting (the star, whose name I have forgotten, was wooden), bad directing and a pitifully low production values.