“That Thing You Did With Your Mouth”

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Virgin Jon Snow brings cunnilingus to the Wildings

I got a big kick out of GAME OF THRONES last Sunday…when virgin Jon Snow introduced the Wildings to cunnilingus and won the undying devotion of his lover, who was “amazed” at “that thing you did with your mouth.” It was hilarious, matched only by the ridiculous moment in Jean Auel’s novel VALLEY OF THE HORSES when blond Cro-Magnon cavewoman Ayla gave her astonished Neanderthal lover Jondalar a blowjob, demonstrating one of the ingenious reasons why Cro-Magnons would survive and Neanderthals wouldn’t. It was a rare GAME OF THRONES misstep, but entertaining nonetheless.

 

Three Books You’ve Got to Have…

6a00d8341c669c53ef01901c0197f2970b-800wi…and they are all THE HEIST by Janet Evanovich and yours truly.

There are three different hardcover editions of the book coming June 18th…but all of them are available for pre-order now.

There’s the standard edition of THE HEIST, which contains stickers and, I believe, a chapter from the 20th Stephanie Plum novel.

There’s the Barnes & Noble Exclusive Edition,  which also contains the never-before-published prequel novella THE CAPER.

And there’s the Signed Collector’s Edition,  which is the same as the standard edition, except that it’s hand-signed by Janet and me on a special pre-title page… it will be available at Target and some independent mystery bookstores.

Come See Us on Tour

TheHeistBookTour

Janet Evanovich and I will be going on a book tour on June 18, starting with some media interviews in NY and then hitting Westlake, Ohio with our first booksigning that night. We’ll be in Dallas on  June 19, Houston the next day, then finishing up in Atlanta on June 21st. The complete schedule is below.

But if you can’t see us in one of those cities, don’t despair…signed copies of THE HEIST will be available at some select retailers. I’ll let you know as soon as I have a list.

Westlake Ohio, June 18

Barnes & Noble  – 6 PM

Signing with Janet & Lee
198 Crocker Park Blvd.
Westlake, OH

Dallas, Texas – June 19

Barnes & Noble – 6 PM
Signing with Janet & Lee
7700 West Northwest Hwy., Ste. 300
Dallas, TX

Houston, Texas – June 20

*TICKETS REQUIRED*
Murder by the Book presents a Q&A with Janet and Lee – 7 PM
The Renaissance Houston
Greenway Plaza Hotel
6 Greenway Plaza East
Houston, TX
Event is in the Greenway Ballroom
*Murder by the Book really wanted to have a special evening for their customers.  The $35 ticket includes a seat for the Q&A, a pre-signed copy of The Heist and hotel parking.
Companion seat tickets are $8 (if a companion comes separate from the main ticket holder, please see a Murder by the Book employee to have parking validated.)  Murder by the Book will have books for sale at the event, but you are welcome to bring books from home to be signed.
Purchase tickets in-person, starting on May 9, at…
*  Murder by the Book, 2342 Bissonnet Street
*  Over the phone (713-524-8597)
*  Online at murderbooks.com.

Atlanta, Georgia – June 21

Barnes & Noble – 6 PM
Signing with Janet & Lee
1217 Caroline St. at Moreland Ave.
Atlanta, GA

The Mail I Get

I got this email from a passionate fan in the UK of the TV show PRISON BREAK…

 

 I am just writing to ask you about some information that i require about writing a TV Show.

So, you must of heard of the hit TV Show called Prison Break right? Due to the high demand of many viewers who have been

dedicating their time on creating fan sites and Facebook pages to get themselves heard about a brand new Prison Break.

Well, taking this into account i decided to start writing a Bible on Prison Break 2. A sequel to the previous US TV Show. However,

I do not have any information on whether or not i will have to contact the creator (Paul T Scheuring) in order to be able to go forward with this.

I am really in need of some help as i have dedicated nearly a month of my life into creating an idea and being able to present it well.

In my opinion, as well as other feedback I have received from fans, tells me that the Prison Break 2 will go on to be a success.

I am waiting in anticipation for your reply.

Thank You Very Much.

I get emails like this a lot. It’s great that a TV show has sparked your creativity, but I’m afraid you’ve wasted a month of your life and your creative efforts.

To mount a new series of PRISON BREAK, you would not only need the permission of the show’s creator, but more importantly the studio that produced the show and owns the rights. On top of that, nobody is going to be interested in an idea for a new PRISON BREAK series from someone who has no connection to the show and is not an experienced TV writer or producer.
Working on new material for TV programs that are off the air, and that you did not create and do not own, is a complete waste of your time. You are much better off coming up with something entirely original and devoting your energies to that.

Janet Blogs About us

My good friend, and now co-author, Janet Evanovich blogged today about how we ended up writing THE HEIST together…

“I’ve been a Lee Goldberg fan for a long time, so I was thrilled when he agreed to co-author a series with me.  The decision actually took place over a pizza and a pitcher of beer when we realized we had the same vision.  We wanted to write books about fascinating people who were involved in high stakes adventures set in glamorous, exotic locations …like Dajmaboutu, Indonesia, and Calabasas, California.

We had fun writing The Heist, and we’re still even talking to each other after twelve edits.  We hope you have just as much fun reading our first co-authored effort.”

I’m Stunned

The heist coverI just stumbled on this…

THE HEIST is the #10 bestselling ebook on Amazon…and #6 bestselling book on Amazon in any format… and it’s not even out until 6/18! I am stunned. Someone get me smelling salts…

Scribe Award Nominees Announced

The International Association of Media Tie-In Writers is pleased to announce the nominees for the 2013 Scribe Awards for excellence in media tie-in writing. The winner will be announced at a ceremony at Comic-Con in July.

ORIGINAL NOVEL NOMINEES
Star Trek Rings of Time Greg Cox
Star Trek The Persistence of Memory David Mack 
Pathfinder City of the Fallen Sky Tim Pratt 
Dungeons and Dragons Online Skein of Shadow Marsheila Rockwell 
Darksiders The Abomination Vault Ari Marmell 
Mike Hammer Lady, Go Die! Mikey Spillane/Max Collins 
Tannhäuser Rising Sun, Falling Shadows Robert Jeschonek 

ADAPTED NOVEL NOMINEES
Batman The Dark Knight Rises Stacia Deutsch 
Clockwork Angels Kevin Anderson 
Batman The Dark Knight Rises Greg Cox 
Poptropica Astroknights Island Tracey West

AUDIO NOMINEES
Dark Shadows The Eternal Actress Nev Fountain
Dark Shadows Dress Me in Dark Dreams Marty Ross 
Doctor Who Companion Chronicles Project Nirvana Cavan Scott

Jonathan Winters on Writing Humor

00000048Jonathan Winters died today at age 87. My parents used to play all of his comedy records for us when we were kids. Those records made me laugh so hard I had trouble breathing. Jump forward to 1997. I was a novelist and TV writer by then and I was invited to be a guest speaker at the Santa Barbara Writers Conference… on a panel on writing humor with Jonathan Winters and Fannie Flagg. I was honored…and absolutely terrified. What the hell was a nobody like me doing on the same stage as a legend like Winters? But he was incredibly gracious and hilariously funny…and that night is one of the most treasured memories of my career. Here's a recording of that hour-long panel.  Although it's a video, there's only a still photo to look at. The audio track is the panel. The picture here, and in the video, is of my mother Jan Curran and Winters at the conference. Somewhere out there is a picture of me with Winters and Flagg, but I haven't been able to dig it up.

 

Jonathan Winters at Santa Barbara Writers Conference from lee goldberg on Vimeo.

Easily Fooled

The Los Angeles Times reports that a jury today convicted the notorious fraud Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter of murder. He's a guy who went around claiming to be a Rockefeller, a bond trader, and a Hollywood producer (he even claimed to be TV writer/producer Christopher Crowe, who is a real person). His frauds weren't very sophisticated, particularly if you happen to have a computer and an internet connection. But I know how easy it is for some people to be fooled.

Recently, I was a guest at a writer's conference and one of my fellow speakers/panelists was a guy who claimed to have written for scores of acclaimed network TV shows and a big upcoming movie. Based on his experience, he'd been invited to speak at writer's conferences, seminars, and libraries from coast to coast, including some nice paid gigs in Hawaii and Mexico. I'd never heard of him…and the instant I met him, I knew something was off.

For one thing, I knew one of the writers of the big, upcoming movie he claimed to have worked on…and I knew writer/producers on most of the shows he said he wrote for…and when I mentioned their names, he was evasive or said he came on the various projects before or after my friends were there. I might have bought that, screenwriting is a pretty nomadic business, but everything he said on his panels and in his talks about writing scripts and working on episodic series wasn't just wrong, it was inane. Even in our personal conversations, he said some pretty stupid stuff about the business. 

So I looked him up on IMDb. No credits. I googled his name, with the titles of the series he said he worked on, to see what came up… and the results I got all came from his website and the conferences he'd spoken at. Now my B.S. meter was in the red zone.

So I contacted my friends on the shows that he said he worked on. Not one of them had ever heard of him. 

So I called the Writers Guild of America's credits department and asked for his credits. They told me he wasn't a member and had no writing credits.

Clearly, the guy was fraud. And not a very sophisticated one either if a mere google search could unmask him. 

Now that the Guild was alerted to the guy, they investigated the issue in more depth, and sent him a strong cease-and-desist letter. 

What I don't get is how so many conferences, libraries, and seminars could have invited this guy to speak, and paid his way to tropical locales, without doing even the most basic check of his credentials. In this day and age, if a guy says he wrote for some of the most acclaimed shows on TV, you should be able to easily confirm it with a simple Google search.  And if you can't, that should be a big, fat, red freaking flag.

I alerted the conference organizers about this guy's fraud, and they said they'd always suspected something was off about him, but he seemed very knowledgeable and was so likeable that they let it go. They won't make that mistake again.

But it's not the conferences, libraries and seminars that booked him that I feel bad for…it's all the attendees over the years who paid to get this guy's bone-headed advice on writing for TV and movies. They're the ones who got taken.