The Mail I Get

The Mail I Get

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KingCityI’ve been getting lots of reader mail lately with questions about my Diagnosis Murder, King City and Monk novels. Here’s a sampling of some of the questions and my answers:

First of all, I want to say thank you for bring Sharona back into the Monk series in 2012 with Mr. Monk on Patrol.  She was my favorite sidekick on the TV show and to see here reincarnated again in the book series was a delight for a reader and a fan of the TV Show.

Secondly, I was wondering if it would be possible to revive your Diagnosis Murder series again.  I used to watch Diagnosis Murder all the time as a kid, and reading the few books that are available that you wrote made me appreciate the show and the creativity behind the plot and the whodunit moment.  To read more adventures of Dr. Mark Sloan and his crime sleuth team would be a treat.  Is that something that could be worked out?

I replied: I’m glad you’re enjoying the Diagnosis Murder and Monk books. I’m afraid the ship has sailed on Diagnosis Murder. I was also a writer and executive producer the TV series during it’s long run…and after 100 episodes and eight books, I felt that I’d explored every aspect of those characters that I wanted to….and got to end the series the way I always intended (with Diagnosis Murder: The Last Word).

Once I walked away, my publisher let their license from Paramount/Viacom lapse on the books. Perhaps some day another publisher will decide to license the rights, and hire another writer to carry on, but I think it’s very unlikely. As for Monk, I actually brought Sharona back in an earlier book, Mr. Monk and the Two Assistants, which also predated her “return” on the TV series as well.

How did you come up with the title for King City?  I was raised in King City, CA so I’m sure you are not from there or the local newspaper, (we KC-ites call it, “The Rustler”) would have you all over the front page at least once a month!!  Since it’s a weekly newspaper and comes out on Thursdays they have to give some time to real crimes on their streets.

I replied: I have no idea how I came up with the name King City for my fictional metropolis in the Pacific Northwest. It just popped into my head. That said, I am a native Californian and have spent a lot of time in the Monterey area (when I was a kid we had a cabin in Capitola), so it’s possible the name of the town stuck with me all of these years, though I don’t remember ever having visited it.

Imagine how dismayed I was when I watched the final episode of the TV-series “Monk”, which I had discovered a few months earlier in reruns. It had become my favorite TV show. But then I got lucky. Quite by chance I discovered your Monk novel Mr. Monk on Patrol in a mail-order catalogue. Well, here was a chance to continue my Monk adventures. Having watched the series, I could visualize every scene in the book as if it were a TV show. Monk is his usual self, the plot is intricate and complex and the book is an easy and enjoyable read. Just one thing: You used who a couple of times when it should have been whom. If you like you can e-mail me any sentence with those words in it, and I’ll tell you which is correct. You’ll thank me later.

I replied: I’m so glad that you discovered the Monk books and that you are enjoying them. I’ve stopped writing the Monk books, but I can tell you the “who” instead of “whom” mistakes were entirely intentional, much to the consternation of my copyeditor. I know when and where to use “whom,” but I chose not to because it reads stodgy and awkward and I am a horrible human being. Most people do not use “whom” when they talk to one another.

The Mail I Get

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Louisiana FeverIn my “The Mail I Get” posts, I’ve shared dozens of examples of the lame pitches I’ve received from inept publicists and clueless authors about their books. Well, now I thought it was time to show you an example of how it’s done right. Here’s an excerpt of a very effective pitch that I got from a publicist today:

My name is Anna Ryan, and I’m representing a uniquely clever, and altogether fun, forensic medical mystery entitled, Lousiana Fever, written by forensic medical expert, DJ Donaldson.  Louisiana Fever is the latest in the Andrew Broussard mysteries. […]Donaldson is known for his medical expertise, and his meticulous attention to scientific detail within his stories. But he’s also known for his colorful characters too.  What I particularly love is how the protagonist–medical examiner Andrew Broussard–is not only an amazing forensic detective, but is decidedly obese and unabashedly loves food (almost as much as I do!) The interplay between him and his gorgeous counterpart, Kit Franklyn, make for a really fast-paced and uniquely clever mystery plot.  Add in the sumptuous New Orleans, LA backdrop and you have a really enjoyable read…

The pitch not only conveys what is unique and interesting about the book and its author, but its shrewdly written in a chatty, personal way that makes it seem less like a press release and more like a recommendation from a friend. The accompanying press release included a blurb from Tess Gerritsen and an punchy lead:

Andy Broussard, the “Plump and Proud” New Orleans medical examiner, obviously loves food.  Less apparent to the casual observer is his hatred of murderers. Together with his gorgeous sidekick, psychologist Kit Franklyn, Broussard forms a powerful, although improbable, mystery solving duo.

All in all, very well done.

The Mail I Get

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I got an inept request today to read a script that sounded more like one of those Nigerian email scams.

Hi Mr Goldberg i glad and very happy to write to you because for so long i have been looking forward to communicate to you sir. SIR i have a film script for about 112pages its a thriller, i want to sell to you with the believe that you are the wright and perfect producer for it. SIR i trust your great ability in the film industry and I myself i m very pleased to say that you have greatly inspired a lot. you can contact me on my mobile phone[XYZ] or in my email address i m available at any time sir.

The Mail I Get

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I got this email from a passionate fan in the UK of the TV show PRISON BREAK…

 

 I am just writing to ask you about some information that i require about writing a TV Show.

So, you must of heard of the hit TV Show called Prison Break right? Due to the high demand of many viewers who have been

dedicating their time on creating fan sites and Facebook pages to get themselves heard about a brand new Prison Break.

Well, taking this into account i decided to start writing a Bible on Prison Break 2. A sequel to the previous US TV Show. However,

I do not have any information on whether or not i will have to contact the creator (Paul T Scheuring) in order to be able to go forward with this.

I am really in need of some help as i have dedicated nearly a month of my life into creating an idea and being able to present it well.

In my opinion, as well as other feedback I have received from fans, tells me that the Prison Break 2 will go on to be a success.

I am waiting in anticipation for your reply.

Thank You Very Much.

I get emails like this a lot. It’s great that a TV show has sparked your creativity, but I’m afraid you’ve wasted a month of your life and your creative efforts.

To mount a new series of PRISON BREAK, you would not only need the permission of the show’s creator, but more importantly the studio that produced the show and owns the rights. On top of that, nobody is going to be interested in an idea for a new PRISON BREAK series from someone who has no connection to the show and is not an experienced TV writer or producer.
Working on new material for TV programs that are off the air, and that you did not create and do not own, is a complete waste of your time. You are much better off coming up with something entirely original and devoting your energies to that.

The Mail I Get

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I got an email from the maker of nutritional supplements urging me to take a stand against “sock puppet” fake reviews. How? By reviewing his product. Not only will I be striking a blow against fake reviews but, as an added incentive, he says it will also boost my own “helpful” review stats.

Help me stop these fake “sock puppet” Amazon reviews.

I found your Amazon Review profile and wanted to see if you would like to review a nutritional supplement with “excessive” buzz?

XYZ was recently featured on the Dr Oz show and instantly became the world’s #1 selling nutritional supplement. I’m not kidding, this product beat the top selling Multivitamin in Sales Rank!

Right now we are competing with some other companies to be the product with the most reviews on Amazon for “XYZ”.

I’m pretty sure the two biggest reviewed competitors above us are using fake reviews to get to the top sales ranks. After looking through their reviews, it’s pretty obvious that some of the “customers” are not real people.

Just shill accounts with hilarious reviews:

“This product is puppy dogs and rainbows. I lost 100 pounds, it cured my cancer, and it made me a millionaire in 5 seconds! Buy it!”

We’ve decided under no circumstances to use fake reviews, but we still want to beat these guys!

Right now we have 49 reviews and 4.5 stars, all from real customers.

The top seller has 302 reviews, a bunch of which are fake.

We can beat them the old fashioned way. With real reviews!

I’d like to send you a free bottle of our product XYZ in exchange for an honest review. I’m not asking for a 5 star review. You can give it 1 star and I’ll be happy.

Since this is one of the hottest selling products on Amazon, you have the opportunity to rack up a ton of helpful votes and views for your review.

I don’t see how helping him rack up reviews for his product will strike a blow against sock-puppetry or help him battle the unfair tactics of his competitors (especially since he claims his pills are already “one of the hottest selling” products on Amazon). He may not to be asking for fake praise, but his solicitation is still uniquely idiotic and sleazy.

The Mail I Get

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Here’s a book I will never read:

Dear Lee,

I would like to introduce you to Fembodyverse: An Inner-Stellar Adventure into Womanhood. Seventeen-year-old Estelle has one wish—to feel like a woman. She believes by losing her virginity she will receive this magical feeling. Not only does this modern induction fool her, but an inner voice beckons her to a more ingenuous initiation. With a trusted guide, Estelle begins her inner-stellar adventure into womanhood, traveling through her body’s vast and starry dimensions. There, she cavorts with creatures, unravels mysteries, and meets unforgettable friends as she unlocks her embodied wisdom. Back and forth from the internal world and the external world she travels, her family and friends think she’s lost her mind as Estelle courageously claims her majestic value from the inside out.
Fembodyverse chronicles the adventures of a new archetype and superheroine of our time; Estelle is here to infuse our world with inside-out value for women and girls everywhere.

I don’t know about you, but I’m afraid to ask what it means to “infuse our world with inside-out value for women” by “cavorting with creatures” and exploring your “body’s vast and starring dimensions.” But I do like that last phrase. I am no longer on a diet to lose weight. I am dieting to control my body’s “vast and starry dimensions.”

The Mail I Get – Mr. Monk Edition

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MM_Gets_EVEN_mmI have been flooded with emails from readers of MR. MONK GETS EVEN, my 15th and final MONK book. The reaction has been so heartfelt, and so positive, that it almost makes me feel guilty for walking away from the series…though I know it's in very good hands now with my friend Hy Conrad picking up where I left off.

Here's just a sampling of some of the many, many emails I've received and the very nice things readers have been saying:

I’m about to start reading your last Monk novel, and I’m going to read very slowly because I don’t want it to be over. Thank you for giving me so much reading enjoyment, including many laugh-out-loud moments.– Jan Roan

Why do all good things have to come to an end? Your Monk series is absolutely delightful. I got excited every time a new book came out. Thank you for what you've given to die hard Monk fans. It really meant alot.  – Classiceman

ANOTHER BRILLIANT book!!!! And was so sad and shocked to read that this is your last Monk book. It was like a Monk Major Life event when I read that news. Anyway, thank-you for the many many years of great enjoyable reading. –Steve H. Karsten

As I read the last few MONK books, I realized you might be finishing the series.  I am so disappointed!   The enjoyment of visiting all the MONK characters is a treat, your style is easy to read, and a perfect way to relax.  The humor is amazing, and I suppose I will now be reduced to re-reading these novels again and again. — Amy Tomlin

Thanks for all of the Monk books.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Mr. Monk when the show ended!  Loved the way you wrapped it all up. –Joelle Peterson

Thank you for 15 great Monk novels and innumerable hours of enjoyment. I am sorry to read number fifteen will be your last. Other than having great characters and a great mystery, the books were an outlet for me in my struggle against depression. Seriously. Whether I couldn't concentrate long enough or hold interest in other writers, I never missed a Monk book. Humor, mystery, and clean, I will miss them. Time to start the rereads, I guess. God's blessings to you, Mr. Goldberg. Not meaning to be maudlin, but you provided some light, enjoyable moments for me during dark times. Thank you–Jeff 



I started Mr. Monk Gets Even yesterday and finished reading it today. Well done. It feels as if at the age of '56' I am laying down a down a good friend who I am going to miss. I periodically will continue to go back and read "Monk" and listen to all the audiobooks I have of each one, probably as long as I live. I fully understand your reasoning and 'why', but I just wanted to tell you that your writings will be GREATLY missed. I would be remiss if I had failed to let you know. . Thank you again for your contributions not only to the writing field, but also for the hours of enjoyment you have brought to this life. — Greg Souder

Hey Lee, just finished your final book sharing Monk's and Natalie's adventures. Thanks for an amazing ride – you'll definitely be missed!— Debbie Laskey

Just finished Mr. Monk Gets Even – an awesome ending to a fantastic series! Sad it's over but couldn't put it down. – J. Wilson

Thank you for writing the Monk books! I had never before gotten into a series of books that were based on a tv show. Once I picked up the first one though, I was hooked! I enjoy the books every bit as much as the show, if not more! — Celest Elmer

I really enjoyed your books and one of the things I liked best about your writing is that you've given Natalie a snarkiness that was just somewhat implied in the TV show. I like snarky Natalie […] I read that you are 'retiring' from the novel series but I thought I'd just write and express my appreciation for the fine work you've done with the Mr Monk novels. 

–Danny Chen


There are fun benefits to having seen all the Monk episodes and reading all the Monk books. I just read Mr. Monk Gets Even and really enjoyed the references to past works and shows. And the nod to Diagnosis Murder! Thanks, Lee, for the great journey with you and Mr. Monk!!

— Ruth Fisher Stoddard

Haven't been this excited since Deathly Hallows. Thanks for an awesome run Lee. I sure do love this series. — Kelly Choma

I finished Mr. Monk Gets Even today… it was absolutely lovely!! I've thoroughly enjoyed each one in your series – and this one absolutely glows! I appreciate how the characters have continued to grow throughout the series, including Mr. Monk – whether he likes it or not. You've taken such incredibly good care of each one of them. And though I wouldn't have believed I would, I even enjoy the new regular characters. It all just works beautifully! Honestly, before this, I've always scoffed at the idea of book series based on TV shows, but Mr. Monk's absence from TV drove me to give them a chance. Well – you've completely won me over! I've become as big a fan of the Mr. Monk books, as I am the show. Thanks for such a wonderful series – and for keeping Mr. Monk going strong!! – Heather Sikora James

 


Related articles
Mr. Monk and the New Author
My Final Monk

The Mail I Get

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I got this question today…

I found you on the net searching for publishing companies , checking out tate etc.. and your name came up on a Review kinda about them.. I was wondering in the blog you mentioned the Lulu and something else.. question I had was… I am looking for a better way to do the same work as this company , it seems my Book is only main stream online not really in alot of book stores at this time.. thus I could do the same myself? you had mentioned Amazon as well..I write about the conflict of life in question , anything from religious and questionable I love to question thinking and one self in question… life whatever can help anyone.. well I can imagine you get alot of mail.. any advice?

Yes. This is going to sound very cruel, but my advice is to go back and take a basic English course. Once you've learned how to construct coherent sentences, and then how to shape them into paragraphs that convey a story, then you can worry about how to publish a book. Judging by your email to me, the biggest problem you have now isn't finding an honest self-publishing company, it's mastering the craft of writing itself. 

 

The Mail I Get – Made My Day Edition

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I was very touched and flattered by this email, so I had to share it with you:

I say Thank You for my discovery of reading. That might sound strange coming from a 51 year male whose wife has thousands of books in our house. But I have never read a book since I was forced to in high school, even then I'm not sure I actually did.

While my wife was looking at books at a tag sale my daughter was looking at Mr. Monk is Miserable, she put it down, after my wife purchased several books we were leaving when the man gave my daughter the book. It was very nice of him, but what happened next has changed my life.

My daughter read the book. And when she was done she said, Dad, I know you don't read, but please try reading this book. My wife reads hundreds of books a year and had never gotten me to pick up a book, but when my little girl asked me to, I did. I could not put the book down. It was so easy to read, problem was it was the 7th book. I have a lot of catching up to do. So for my birthday I got book #1, Christmas, books 2, 3, and 4. So reading the acknowledgments I saw your website, and got your email address, and just wanted to say thank you.

You know I'll be getting the rest of the series to read, and after that I'm sure reading is in my future.

Isn't that amazing? I am going to keep this email on my wall so that when the writing gets tough, I'll be reminded of readers like him, stop my whining, and press on.

 

The Mail I Get

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I got this solicitation today from a woman I don't know:

I am the owner of this new platform a company that is launching now..

www.menduniversebuzz.wordpress.com

i am looking for some referrals re a writer for a novelization that launches as the prequel book to this universe…

I am half way through with an outline that needs to be re-edited and dialogue added…

full 118 page film script available to work with and my original epic and my team and all else.. I own all the rights to these works – registered at the writers guild etc.

I couldn't make any sense out of the email, so I looked at the site. That was even more incomprehensible (though just as badly written). It appears to be a blog dedicated to some fantasy world she's created and wants to exploit in books,movies, and a store. I think it has something to do with the magic of music, or musical magic, or God knows what. It's a real rambling mess.

It appears what she's looking for is someone to novelize a movie script of an outline of a novel that doesn't yet exist, except as a book proposal and an incoherent blog.

Well, she came to the right guy. I can't think of something I'd rather do or a more valuable use of my time. But darn it, I'm just too busy with other committments to jump at this great opportunity.

So it's all yours. Go for it.